The bad news is that there is a dead hooker in the trunk.
The good news is that green discharge coming from your cat’s left eye has finally cleared up.
The bad news is it’s contagious.
The good news is your girlfriend’s not pregnant.
The bad news is her mother is.
The good news is her father is easygoing.
The bad news is it’s because he took your “glaucoma medicine.”
The good news is it’s not going to rain tomorrow.
The bad news is that’s because the world is ending.
The good news is there’s an afterlife
The bad news is everyone’s going to be there.
The good news is you’re getting married.
The bad news is that it’s to your long-lost cousin.
The good news is that she/he is sterile.
The bad news is he doesn’t come with an air pump.
The good news is you have somewhere to hang your hat and scarf.
the bad news is they’ll be hanging from your hands as you dangle out of Mike Tyson’s hotel room window.
The good news is there’s chocolate cake
The bad news is “chocolate cake” is what Mike Tyson wants his lovers to call him.
The good news is you’re not impotent after all.
The bad news you can’t get the thing down now.
The good news is you have a new coat rack…
the bad news is the coat rack is a rapidly decomposing mummy.
The good news is your book is going to be published…
The bad news is they’ll only print it in Welsh.
The good news is they’re going to pay you a lot for it.
The bad new is they’re paying you with their CCS First National Members card
The good news is you get to attend the release cocktail party
The bad news is that they are releasing serial killers
the good news is that your order will finished in record time
the bad news is that it’s a party for the release of mike tyson’s new book “chocolate cake: a history”
the good news is, the rash is going away
the bad news is it’s the record for the longest meal preparation process in history.
The good news is you’ve lost 50 pounds
the bad news is, you only weighed 100 to begin with.
the good news is, work is over
The bad news is: because you’re fired.
The good news is: she never filed that harrassment action.
The bad news is she told her BIG boyfriend about you.
The good news is you’ve got a gun.