The bad news is, the PC has declared war on you- and it has an Uzi.
The good news is, you have a bulletproof vest…
The bad news is that it’s full of holes.
The good news is that you’re much quicker than the PC
The bad news is that the PC is in cahoots with your Palm Pilot.
The good news is that the Palm Pilot’s battery is low.
The bad news is that it is now drawing its power directly from you.
The good news is you’ve been getting a lot of protein and carbs lately.
The bad news is, its’ consumption of said protein and carbs is at a far faster rate then you could ever replenish at.
The good news is, it’s December…
The bad news is, it’s december at your door, but he’s really a robot from the future sent to kill you.
The good news is it isn’t Arnold.
The bad news is, right behind december is Arnold’s wife looking for him, and boy is she pissed…
The good news is, she isn’t pissed at you.
The bad news is she’s pissing on you.
The good news is you can sell the video on the scat film circuit and make a ton of money
The bad news is that you won’t get a dime.
The good news is that you got people offering you contracts
The bad news is, they’re contracts ON other people.
The good news is, you’re OK with a bow and arrow.
The bad news is, the other people are better.
The goiod news is, the contract deadlines are a long way away.
The bad news is, the rent deadline is a long way past.
The good news, you’re sick of your apartment anyway.
The bad news is the street gangs around your apartment are getting ready for one final brawl.
The good news is there’s room for one more at your sister’s place.
The bad news is, your sister is a sister and she’ll give you the room if you join the Sisters of Sweet Mother of God.
The good news is, they wear the dowdy 1950s habits, not the hot and scratchy 1550s habits.
The bad news is, habits make you itchy.
The good news is, the other sisters have agreed to scratch you whenever you tell them the itching gets to be too much.
The bad news is, they scratch 'til they draw blood.
The good news is, pain brings you closer to God.
The bad news is god = searing pain.
The good news is that it can all be soothed with a lotion.
The bad news is the drugstore doesn’t carry lotion - only KY.
The good news is it comes in 5 gallon tubs!
The bad news is that while we all knew that “it” was an evil clown, we never even suspected that he was the one who was cumming in our 5 gallon tubs.
The good news is that “it” no longer has preferred-clown status, and has been banned from the under 10-year-old birthday circuit.
The bad news is that “it” is Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The good news is that he might replace George Bush