Good news/bad news -- game

The bad news is, you’ll never sit down again.

The good news is, standing is now highly fashionable…

The bad news is, standing is highly fashionable among mutant stick aliens.

The good news is, you’re nowhere near them (you’re not even in the same dimension as them), and you aren’t going to worry about what fashion may dictate.

The bad news is, you still can’t sit down.

The good news is, there’s a Segway dealership around the corner.

The bad news is that Micheal Jackson is the dealer.

The good news is (after oyu buy a Segway), he invites you to his amusment park.

The bad news is, he charges $10,000.

The good news is, you stole a celebrity’s credit card…

The bad news is, it’s Carrottop’s.

The good news is, you have no trouble using it…

The bad news is his credit limit is only $5,000.

The good news is he’ll let ya owe it with no interest…

The bad news is, you do have to feign interest in his stand-up act. [sub]Stand-up act! God, I slay me![/sub]

The good news is, he’s the opening act for Bobcat Goldthwait.

The bad news is his " opening act " is just that, he stole his act from the goatse guy.

The good news is, nobody really got sprayed much when Bobcat Goldthwait made " his entrance ".

The bad news is, they all got sprayed when he made his exit, and they’re blaming it on you.

The good news is, since you’re standing, you have a bit of a head start…

The bad news is, you’re living out that dream where you’re trying to run away, but you just can’t go anywhere…

The good news is, this is also the part of the dream where Susie, the girl you had a crush on in the fourth grade, shows up.

The bad news is, you don’t have much of a head start.

The good news is, you’re on your Segway, and the batteries are still mostly full.

(Yikes! Simulpost! What do I do now?)

The bad news is, once Susie hops on the Segway with you, the poor overloaded engine just dies.

The good news is, Susie has spent the intervening decades training to be a ninja…

The bad news is, she’s horribly nearsighted and would rather shuriken first and ask questions later.

The good news is, you’re wearing body armor.

The bad news is, the shuriken hit you in the legs.

The good news is, they sting so badly that when the audience catches you and begins whaling on you, it’s a welcome change.

The bad news is, being whaled is disgusting and embarrasing, especially when you realise where they put the harpoon.

The good news is, whaling without a permit is illegal.

The bad news is, your lawer is leading the throng and he is wearing some whale-skin shoes.

The good news is there is still a small piece of blubber attached to the shoes so it will give you something to nibble on to keep your strength up while the beating continues.

The bad news is, there’s a piece of gum stuck to the blubber which oyou have eaten, and now you’llhave to live with the gum in your stomach for seven years!

The good news is, you won’t feel hungry and you’ll finally be able to lose that weight that Richard Simmons has been nagging you about.

The bad news is, Richard Simmons knows where to find you.

The good news is, no jury in the land would convict you.

The bad news is, many juries in the air would.

The good news is, your case has been sent to Sea Court…

The bad news is, you don’t know how to swim.

The good news is, whale blubber floats.