First of all, Primaflora, “spews grief”? Are you kidding me? What an ugly way to refer to people’s pain.
Secondly, no one caused you pain. No one, not even the OPer in the original thread, in any way compared their pain to yours, let alone put it on the same level, even if you think they did.
I’m certainly sorry for whatever losses you may have suffered in your life. You wanna share your own pain, I’ll give you all the warm, fuzzy hugs you could possibly stand without suffocating.
But you still have no right to spew your anger at an obviously distraught and grieving person just because you felt a slight that was clearly not intended. And I’m still wondering why “it truly doesn’t seem to matter about the pain of” cadolphin who not only lost a cat, but who lost an Aunt and a child of her own. “Or does that pain not matter?”
May your heart heal fully from your grief. And may you some day be able to set it aside to offer love and comfort to others who are grieving, regardless of how it “compares” to your own.
Thanks for the kind words, folks, and an extra thanks to the one who alerted me to this thread. (Why yes, I do often wander around cluelessly for weeks on end.)
Primaflora has a valid point. The original thead was a trainwreck, but even trainwrecks vary in quality and intent. In my best judgement that thread hit so many raw nerves, so quickly, that letting it go on could only make bad matters worse. Some things cut so deeply a forced time-out might possibly allow good folks the breathing room to settle, reconsider and try again. I suspect the actual ways people find to bear the unbearable vary as widely as people do. Odds are there won’t be consensus. But at least there can be respect. Nothing’s more subjective. “How do you go on when the unthinkable happens?”
This is a message board. Nothing more, nothing less. We–I--can try to contain the damage from things said in haste or anger. The actual talking, listening, thinking and reflecting have to come from posters themselves.
Prima, I’m not sure I follow you. Nobody ever disparaged or discounted the pain of losing a child. In fact, more than one poster expressed sympathy to all who have lost children or other loved ones.
I look at it kind of like my unmarriedfriend who calls her lover her spouse. Said lover is not literally a spouse but is emotionally perceived as one. Were said lover to die, my friend would be, emotionally if not literally, suffering the loss of a spouse. It would never occur to me to tell her that she was insulting those who’d lost real spouses.
Pain is such a very, very subjective thing. Trying to decide who hurts worse is, frankly, a fool’s errand. Can’t we just agree that a lot of us hurt, and hope the wounds to our souls all heal?