Goodmorning Merry Sunshine

The BBQ Pit
1

There aren’t many things I hate more than getting up early to go to work, but I keep telling myself that once I get into the van pool I will get to curl up in my corner and take a 40 minute nap during the ride in. This is the only thing that prevents me from climbing back into the sheets.

Our van pool has 10 riders, with the exception of one very bizarre woman, they are very nice people. We have wonderful conversations on the ride home from work and enjoy each others company. However, mornings are quiet because some of us (me) are not morning people, some of us (me) are lucky to even be there, let alone have to speak, some of us (me) just want to get in the van and not have to deal with anyone that early in the morning, most of us (me) are greatly lacking in the patience and humor department that early in the morning, most of us (me included) like to sleep on the way into to work.

There is a nice lady that I call “Snort”. She usually sits in the seat behind me. Within seconds, her head is drooped and she begins this wet, goobery, loud gurgling, snot filled snore. You can hear the saliva, snot, and phlegm flipping around the back of her throat. It is the most gooey and disgusting sounding snore I have ever heard in my life!

Next to her sits another very sweet older lady (I call her “Pop”). Before we even begin to pull out onto the road, she starts popping and smacking (with her mouth wide open) her gum like a cow with her cud. POP! POP! POP! Smack! POP! POP! Smack! Smack! The popping sound is VERY annoying, the wet smacking sound is just gross.

Then the bizarre woman I call “Ooompa” because of her resemblance to an Ooompa Loompa (and that is her one good point) picks up on “Pop’s” pooping and like a hound dog hearing the distance howl, begins to pop her gum as well.

I have to really restrain myself from turning around and yelling “FOR GOD’S SAKE CAN YOU PEOPLE KNOCK IT OFF?!?!?!” This is a great van pool and a necessity. I don’t want to put miles on my car from the commute. I really like these people, but I am afraid that my demon possessed morning personality is about to freak out.

You can’t imagine how badly I want to reach back and pinch the nose of “Snort” or at least smack her hard enough to wake her up. After that, I am going to take the gum from both “Ooompa” and “Pop” mouths and shove them so far up their butts that they’ll blow bubbles every time they fart. With any luck it will clog them up so good that they won’t poop for a month!

God hell people! Are you deaf, inconsiderate, or just oblivious to the things you do?

Oh, and I have decided to buy a pair of ear plugs tonight. God help them if I can still hear them tomorrow with the ear plugs in my ears.

2

Better yet, get yourself a walkman. You can crank them out of your mind. If you don’t, I fear I’ll be reading about you up in the clock tower in the not so distant future

3

Good morning to you, Diane! :wink:

4

Diane,
Here’s what you do. Go to TGI Fridays. Have a big bowl of black bean soup. (It has to be from TGI- they put some sort of evil additive in it.)

By tomorrow morning you’ll have gas so foul the windows in the van will melt. They will rue the day they ever annoyed you. Then hit them with an ultimatum. Either they stop their annoying crap or you dine there every night- their choice. Then steal all of their jewelry and paychecks- believe me, they’ll be at your total mercy.

Zette
(I have been forbidden from indulging in this soup unless my husband is out of town. And out of state. That’s how nasty it gets)

5

I like the walkman idea - but with shitty headphones: yopu know the kind, they let all the sound out, so they have to listen to a tinny version of what you hear.

Then pick the worst music you can find! AND SING ALONG!

(BTW, its nice to see you Diane!)

6

The Walkman idea is good except I have already tried that route. I woke up every time the song changed. The fart idea is good too, except it is a loooooooong way to the office if one of those farts accidentally creates some substance. But hey, it never hurts to try. Maybe I’ll try it out on the kids first. They always appreciate things like that (or so I tell them). :::snicker:::

I think I will take ear plugs and very noticeably put them in my ears as I sneer at them. I know that someone will say something and give me the opportunity to say “Geeez, between the snoring and gum popping it’s the only way to get any sleep around here.” Then I will smile sweetly so they won’t know for sure if I was being mean or joking. I think they will catch my drift and I’ll still stay in their good graces…

When I said

. . . I meant popping. If there had been pooping, there would have been some serious bitching in my OP.

Goodmorning Sunshine.

Hiya Kel.

:smiley:

7

“Creates substance.” - Snicker.

Ya know what they say don’t ya, Diane? “If it’s less than a teaspoon you didn’t really shit yerself.” What I don’t know is who “they” is. I suspect it’s the Olestra folks.

“Olestra. Now with 30% less anal leakage.”

8

Oh Gawd, don’t even get me started on WOW Chips. Just seeing the name makes me get all goosey and crampy. :frowning:

9

Gum chewing in an of itself is nauseating. Bleah. Especially people who do it with their mouths open. gag but popping and smacking it… I’d probably say something.

10

My gawd!!!

The only responsible response, and a correct one I might add, is two bullets in the brain for all those inconsiderate offenders, and then you will have your place in this world, those who are too fucking stoopid to have anything worse to worry about…, I hope you get old fucking soon, D!!!

11

Diane, I can totally relate. I hate mornings. Passionately. And I happen to work with a group of men who are the cheeriest sonofabitches on the planet. They fall over themselves in the morning to greet me with a happy, sing-songy “good morning!!!” I don’t want to be rude, so I clear my throat (I haven’t used it yet) and mutter out a quick “hello”. They usually can’t see me because of the cube walls, but if they could see my look of contempt… well, I’m sure they would think twice.

My family has learned not to talk to me - why can’t they?

12

If the habits of these people conflict with your notions of what is correct and comfortable, why the hell do you ride with them?

It sounds as if your entire day is ruined by these folks. Is there no alternative available to you? How do the other folks in the van feel about the situation? Are you alone in your pain or is it shared? Can you vote these people out of the van or is it possible they might vote you out?

If you cannot wake up in the morning and face the day with a smile and a pleasant attitude, why not get a job working nights?

13

From Louis B

Maybe she doesn’t have a choice. Have you filled up your tank lately? Especially for a 120 minute total daily commute?

From Louis B

Is sounds to me like their too busy drooling, snorting, and popping.

From Louis B

Snort! You’re funny!

Diane, I was serious about the walkman idea. Get some decent headphones. I have some Sony studio monitors that block out damn near everything around me. Get a tape, CD, or DAT player and record your own music. Their are any number of soothing recordings you can get that don’t have interuptions. For instance, you can get an hour of waves splashing on the beachs’ of Cape Cod. I use this technique when traveling. I’m out like a light, I can’t hear anything or anyone around me, and no one bothers me.

14

Hey, CNC, who the hell asked you?

15

Nobody.

The answers seemed pretty obvious.

16

Would it work to get a discman (sp?) instead and play a soothing CD? I like classical myself, and sometimes even people who don’t like it use it to help them sleep. You can get CDs that stay with the same musical piece for quite a long time.

Just a suggestion. :slight_smile:

17

I bought earplugs last night, worked like a charm!!! In fact, my plan to tell these people what I think without looking like a total asshole, worked even better.

As soon as I got into the van this morning while the door was still open and the light on, I pulled out my new box of earplugs and very noticeably took out a pair and start to twist them into a little point. “Snort” see this, laughs and says “You finally can’t take any more of Amanda’s voice?”

(Amanda is half of a morning news radio team whose voice makes me just want to vomit.)

I say “Ohhhhhhh nooooooooo. . . . Between all the snoring and gum smacking, this is the only way I can get my nap.” And then I smile a big fake smile.

I slept great! Nice and peaceful. When I took them out a block or so from my office, I didn’t hear any gum popping or smacking BUT “Snort” did have this combination nose-whistle/mucus gargle thing going on. Thank God I missed most of it!

My notions??? MY NOTIONS?!?!?!? Granted, although it is very disgusting, “Snort” probably can’t help it. If I knew that I sounded that bad I would consider sitting in the far back or maybe try not to fall asleep. It’s gross. However, I hardly think I am alone in my notion of what is correct and comfortable to expect that something as simple as good manners and consideration for others would prevent two women from having a Smack/Pop Festival in the close confines of a van full of people. It is just plain rude - period!

My entire day? Please point out where I said anything about my entire day. They ruin my morning because I don’t get to sleep a little longer. This makes me tired and pissy. By 10:00 or 11:00 a.m. I am my cheery self.

I carpooled for 10 years with three other people. The wear and tear on my car along with mileage, gas, and parking got to be too much. My commute is 80 miles each day, gas is more than it has ever been, and parking just went up to $75.00 per month. This is the only van pool with my hours that goes from my office to my home.

So yeah, I do have an alternative, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the cost of a package of 6 pairs of earplugs for $2.65 is a lot more economical than going back to car pooling.

[quote[How do the other folks in the van feel about the situation? Are you alone in your pain or is it shared? [/quote]

Ummm. . . . Let’s see. Other riders include my sister, a co-worker, and two guys that I am now friends with outside the van pool. They have all commented about how inconsiderate and disgusting it is. I guess the only reason no one has said anything (until this morning) is that no one has thought of a tactful way to say “Stop your smacking and for hellsake, blow your nose or something.”

Oh get real. . . No, we don’t vote anyone out of the van :rolleyes: and no, even if we did they wouldn’t vote me out. I am the Sweetheart of the Van. :smiley:

Oh for fucksakes are you for real? Sure, I will throw 13 years in a lucrative career that I have built for myself right out the window, tell my kids to fend for themselves as I leave them home alone at night, and completely change my lifestyle because I don’t start my day with a smile and a pleasant attitude. You betcha, Brainiac! I’ll walk into my bosses office right now and resign. :rolleyes:

Or ya know, I could just buy earplugs for a coupla bucks, tell them that I find them annoying without causing a riff, and still keep my job, my schedule, my money, my tires, my milage. . . .

Origato - Care to translate? Hope I get old soon? How old is old? My kids think I am old. My grandma thinks I am still a baby. WTF are you trying to say? Tell the nice lady in the white coat to type that for you again, but this time tell her to translate into English instead of typing verbatim of what you say.

18

You will have to excuse my being cranky, I am just not a morning person.

19

That was going to be my suggestion. I can’t live without them. Or more to the point, I can’t sleep without them. They even block out thunder on a dark and stormy night.

I recommend the yellow cylindrical ones - you can buy them in bulk at any drug store.

20

Louis - I know what you mean. Grrrrrrrrrr
(Do not read the following until 10:00 a.m. MST)

:slight_smile: