There aren’t many things I hate more than getting up early to go to work, but I keep telling myself that once I get into the van pool I will get to curl up in my corner and take a 40 minute nap during the ride in. This is the only thing that prevents me from climbing back into the sheets.
Our van pool has 10 riders, with the exception of one very bizarre woman, they are very nice people. We have wonderful conversations on the ride home from work and enjoy each others company. However, mornings are quiet because some of us (me) are not morning people, some of us (me) are lucky to even be there, let alone have to speak, some of us (me) just want to get in the van and not have to deal with anyone that early in the morning, most of us (me) are greatly lacking in the patience and humor department that early in the morning, most of us (me included) like to sleep on the way into to work.
There is a nice lady that I call “Snort”. She usually sits in the seat behind me. Within seconds, her head is drooped and she begins this wet, goobery, loud gurgling, snot filled snore. You can hear the saliva, snot, and phlegm flipping around the back of her throat. It is the most gooey and disgusting sounding snore I have ever heard in my life!
Next to her sits another very sweet older lady (I call her “Pop”). Before we even begin to pull out onto the road, she starts popping and smacking (with her mouth wide open) her gum like a cow with her cud. POP! POP! POP! Smack! POP! POP! Smack! Smack! The popping sound is VERY annoying, the wet smacking sound is just gross.
Then the bizarre woman I call “Ooompa” because of her resemblance to an Ooompa Loompa (and that is her one good point) picks up on “Pop’s” pooping and like a hound dog hearing the distance howl, begins to pop her gum as well.
I have to really restrain myself from turning around and yelling “FOR GOD’S SAKE CAN YOU PEOPLE KNOCK IT OFF?!?!?!” This is a great van pool and a necessity. I don’t want to put miles on my car from the commute. I really like these people, but I am afraid that my demon possessed morning personality is about to freak out.
You can’t imagine how badly I want to reach back and pinch the nose of “Snort” or at least smack her hard enough to wake her up. After that, I am going to take the gum from both “Ooompa” and “Pop” mouths and shove them so far up their butts that they’ll blow bubbles every time they fart. With any luck it will clog them up so good that they won’t poop for a month!
God hell people! Are you deaf, inconsiderate, or just oblivious to the things you do?
Oh, and I have decided to buy a pair of ear plugs tonight. God help them if I can still hear them tomorrow with the ear plugs in my ears.