In advance I would like to tender any apoliges if someone is expecting something light hearted and short. I also would like to apologise in advance for any sort of spelling errors since I’m sorta writing this off the cuff and as i go and seem to have a bit of Dyslexia. You people seem to be good people and I would like either your help or advice or both.
basicly I have 2 major problems: One financial, the other personal although both are interconnected to some degree.
First, some background info about me to help you visualise things:
First the financial end of things.
I am male, 44 and presently unemployed. I am self taught in the area of computer repair and have a fasination with Science and technology (mainly space related). Roughly at the end of this month I am expected to come up with aproximately $350.00 towards my rent or I shall face eviction. I owe a total of $250.00 on my electric bill, I owe aproximately $180.00 dolars on my phone/internet bill. My checking account is in the negatives and I have no credit cards (never had one therefore virtually no credit history). I have no immediate job prospects. although I feel that I should be able to come up with something within the next 2 weeks. I am in the proccess of reapplying for Unemployment comp but that will take some time. My friends here can’t help me with either finances or even a place to stay if I wind up evicted. I don’t know what I can do. I feel like I am on the ledge of a pit and the walls around me prevent me from escape and they are pushing me into the pit. I have lost virtually all hope and am very depressed. I jsut don’t know what to do. My parents can’t help me wither since they are in severe financial straights themsleves and live in the northern part of the state so getting any form of help from them is out of the question.
the personal problem:
about a year and a half ago I fell in love with a wonderful woman (whom I shall call L). L and I got along wonderfully and still do. we first met on a forum that is no longer in exsistance. Then we staarted using Messenger totalk to each other. First it was keyboards, then microphones so we could ehr each other, then webcams so we could see each other. back in Jan of 2004, i in a rather halting and stuttering voice told her that I was “falling for her” she told me that she felt the same about me. Fior the first time in my life I cryed tears of Joy that night, and have done so multiple times since then. I was her first love, and she was mine. Oh by the way she’s only a year older than I and the reason for our delay into getting the relationship aspect was that both of us had spent very sheltered lives. me living and growing up out in the country in WI with a pair of somewhat over protective parents, and her in CA livng with a pair of very over protective parents. Well, thing proceeeded very well between us and we have discussed such things as marriage etc. We made a vow never to lie to each other and to be able to talk about anything.
Sounds good so far right? Well, here is where the problem started from. Her Father. her father is japanese/american and is VERY traditional i his outlook. He demands obediance from his wife and daughter. basicly he makes the rules in the household and as far as he is concerned there is to be no backtalk from the women. he wasn't happy with L having friends on the internet and when he discovered that she was having a relationship over the net, he decided that he didn't know me. Didn't want to know me. Or have anything to do with me. My parents are fine wiht the situation. One time L wanted to fly to where I lived to visit. her father said that she couldn't go. When we decided to reverse the situation for me to fly to her, he forbad her from seeing me. This was back when I was employed incidently. So in order to keep the home situation from blowing up on her, I decided to back off. But we developed a plan. Her parents were going to be gone for a vacation from June 7th to june 11th and she would buy a one way ticket to be with me and we would make our lives together. Well on june 10th she got on the flgiht and I and a couple of friends met her at the airport. We spent about a week of happyness and bliss. Then on tuesday disaster struck. She was staying at a friends place until I could prepare a place for her. Her father and her older brother managed to find out her email address from her father's computer that she had been using and sent her an email. The email ahs been deleted but basiclly threatened dire situations for me, my friends and anyone involved and demanded that she return to CA that very minute. She was alone at my friends place and panicked. Fear and the built in obediance factor that had been drummed into her took over and she grabbed her clothing and in a panic flew back. She had about $1000.00 and spent $600.00 of it on the flgiht. upon returning her father then "confiscated" half of her remaining cash leaving her without enough to even think of flying back. Oh yes, and she was so rattled by her father's email that she took off without leaving a note to me or anyone here. the next day (after several hours of panic on this end and later on finding out that she flew back) i got avery tearful call from her. her father had not only confiscated half her remaining cash, read her riot act, told her that she was a very bad and undutiful daughter, but also forbad her fromany sort of internet whatsoever. he expected her to abandon her online friends, but also any friends that she would have over there as well. In other words he slammed the door on the cage that he planned on keeping her in and locked it but he forgot the phone that was still in her old bedroom and while he was outside, that was when she called me. i made arraingements wiht a freind of her's to set asside a place for L to stay at as long as neccessary. in fact L's friend (J) had been urging for L to get out of there for some time. So i told L to hang up and call J whikle she still could and her father had forgotten the phone. J went over and picked up L. So now L is now over at J's place wehre she will be safe from her parents. J has agreed to have L stay over for at LEAST 6 months probably closer to a Year. J will teach L how to have Self confidence, self esteem, and the urge to stand up totally to her Father to where this will NEVER happen again. L has had so many bad things happen to he in her life that she has almost no Self confidence, or self esteem, and very, very little backbone. I figure the J (who takes no guff from anyone) will be the ideal teacher for that. L realises that she made a horrible mistake by returning and vows never to go back. Oh, a little bit of further info concerning L's father to give you an idea of what kind of person he is. In the same email he wanted US (Me and my friends) to sell off everything that L had left behind. Her massage table (she is a certified massage thereapist), her Cd's, her tapes, the christmas presents that I sent her, her favorite cups etc. We were suppossed to keep half the money, and send him the other half. My reaction? No bleeping way!
So in other words, I shall be seperated from her for at least 6 months perhaps as long as a year. I realsie that in the long run no matter how painful it is for us to be seperated that it would be for the best.
So tell me, how can I keep from falling into the pit of total despair? i am likely to be shortly evicted, have no place to live, and seperated from my beloved.
i need help people, badly, and I appeal to you folks.
Once again I apologise for the length of this, but as you can see, this is a complicated situation.