Barney Miller was always good.
One time, they had a guy in; he said, “Don’t I get a phone call??”
the phone rings
Yamana says “Maybe thats it now.”
I loved the story arc about Kelly going to modeling school. I was living in a dorm room, with a cheapass metal armoire next to the bed, against which I could bang my head without injury. Did a lot of headbanging when Kelly said things like, “Look at this ad! No skills necessary, no training, no reading [pronounced like Reading Railroad]…Oh, reading? Huh, where they gonna find anyone that dumb?” and “Maybe I could get one of those cool jobs standing in the store window!”
Jack Benny show.
Jack’s on a cruise ship (Actually, this was all just a fantasy, but, y’know), being romanced some young starlet of the day (Can’t remember who for the life of me), and he’s rebuffing her advances (at first).
Jack: But you’re 25 and I’m 39!
Starlet: That’s not so much…
Jack: Now…but by the time you’re 50, I’ll be…39!
ALL IN THE FAMILY. Archie’s been arrested, and Mike & Gloria come to bail him out. The desk cop notices Mike’s last name Stivac, and says his folks were from the same country.
Archie comes in, and says something ending “You’re not like this dumb Polack meathead son-in-law of mine.”
Dead silence. The desk cop asks Archie to repeat it. He does. More dead silence. Finally Mike says:
“Speak a little louder, Arch. Sargeant Polanski can’t hear you.”
This one is from Blackadder and therefore probably from writer Ben Elton.
Queen Elizabeth (‘Queenie’):
“I may have the body of a weak and feable woman. But I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant.”
I mean, a concrete elephant… now THAT’S tough, right? Right? Well, I think it’s funny anyway…
These are funny, because they MUST be taken out of context:
From Bonanza-
Little Joe: “I sure wish Hoss would get back here so I could get rid of some of this load.”
From Star Trek The Next Generation-
Worf: “Klingons do not allow themselves to be… probed.”