A week or so ago, I received this very touching email:
From Mrs Sandra Dickson
Dearest in the lord
I am Mrs Sandra Dickson an Sierra Leon nationality . I am married to late Mr Emmanuel Dickson, who worked with Sierra Leon Embassy in Ivory Coast for 9 years before he died in the year 2006 after a brief illness that lasted for only five days. We were married for Eighteen years with a daughter (Lilian)who later died in a motor accident.
Recently, following my ill health, my Doctor told me that I may not last for the next six months due to my cancer ailment. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a Christain organization (Church) or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein, according to the desire of my late husband before his death.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank in Abidjan. I will also issue you the documents that will prove you as the present beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the Church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life as a worthy Christian. Whoever wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth.
Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in searching another church for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply
Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
What an interesting and heart rending story. How could I possibly refuse to help?
From: Mangetout
Dear Sandra
I was deeply touched to hear about your situation, and I’ll help in any possible way I can. What do you want me to do?
Kindest regards
Some days passed after I replied, and I had almost given up hope, when, to my great joy, I received this:
My dear in christ jesus,(Crandall) ,
I replied with the requested promise (completely ignoring the request for fax and phone contact details):
Dear Sandra
Thanks for replying. It’s been a few days since I emailed you and I was starting to worry that you had not replied. I suppose perhaps with your illness, you’re away from the computer some times. I hope you are not having to endure too much physical discomfort in your sickness.
I want you to know that I will do my absolute utmost to act in all honour and trustworthiness in this matter. It continues to touch my heart that you have chosen to be so very generous with your legacy. Please accept my solemn assurance that I will strive to find some very worthy charitable cause to promote.
Kindest regards
That’s all I’ve got for now. For the record, I do know that these are criminals I’m dealing with, and I do know it’s a scam. There’s no way for them to trace me (as if they’d bother anyway) - the Yahoo account I’m using is completely anonymous.
Not sure how I’m going to play this one yet…
Mosier
December 4, 2007, 12:28am
2
Call the FBI, and ask them what number you should give these people.
I’ve always wanted to respond to one of these just to satisfy my curiosity, and to see how far I could drag it out…
This should be great. (claps hands together in childish glee…)
Maybe you could convert to Islam and ask her if she still trusts you…?
Didn’t you do this once before?
I tried building an email relationship scammer, but just didn’t have the committment to see it through.
Can’t wait to see what happens!
A couple of times, at least.
Fun and games with Mr Austin Wemba
Fun and games with Mr James Dale (not so successful, that one).
A new 419 scammer, a new reply tactic (this one was particularly satisfying, because the scammer threw a little hissy fit when he realised I had been mucking him about).
‘Sandra’ replied, thusly:
Dearest Crandall ,
A. Claude AMICHA (Manager International Remittance Dept).
Do contact the manager immediately for he is such a nice person/christian and has promised to see to the conclusion of this transaction as soon as possible. I pray to God to give you the grace and strenght to continue his work as you are doing.
So I thought it might be good for Crandall to start showing the first signs of luuuurve interest in her…
Dear Sandra
Thank you for this information. Please be assured I will act on it promptly and with all integrity.
But it occurs to me that I have been quite brief in my dealings with you, and I do not wish to appear at all rude. I hardly know anything about you, other than the few lines you have written in your kind messages to me.
So please, tell me a little more about yourself - your interests, your daily life, hopes and dreams.
I am a 29-year-old semi-professional wrestler (obviously I use a different name than Crandall Spondular when I’m in the ring). It’s a punishing profession - physically, emotionally and socially, but I have come to love it. I’m not married - still looking and hoping to meet the right lady.
By the way, if you have a recent photograph of yourself, I’d love to see that too.
Kindest regards
Testy
December 5, 2007, 9:20am
8
Crandall
Strangely, I received that same email several years ago. It cheers me enormously that Sister Sarah has managed to overcome her illness for so long.
Testy
Ha. The last time I tried baiting a Nigerian scamster, I made it too hard for him - I told him my astrologer had told me I should only accept business propositions if they were in Welsh. He gave up soon after.
Testy
December 5, 2007, 10:18am
10
Mangetout
Testy
Nobody of that name here. My name is Crandall Spondular.
Testy
December 5, 2007, 11:51am
13
Well, Mr. Spondular. Actually, buddy, lemme call you Crandall. I’ve got some great ideas for that money. When Sister Sarah finally bites the bullet and you get the 3.5 mil, instead of doing good works with it, why don’t we invest it in evil? We could buy shares in whore houses, gambling dens and Afghani opium plantations. Ya gotta consider that the fringe benefits and return on investment with a cat house are MUCH better than giving money to churches and charities After all, I’ve never even **heard ** of a preacher that gave me a hard on. I’m tellin ya guy, with me as an investment adviser ya can’t go wrong.
Testy
Those are all great plans, but I must win her affection first. Faint heart never won fair maiden (nor fraudulent widow neither).
(Of course there is no Sarah, it’s some scummy bloke in an African internet cafe somewhere, but I think that will be the point of this exercise - being romantically pursued by a man ought to make him just a little uncomfortable, I hope).
Testy
December 5, 2007, 12:09pm
15
Mangetout:
Those are all great plans, but I must win her affection first. Faint heart never won fair maiden (nor fraudulent widow neither).
(Of course there is no Sarah, it’s some scummy bloke in an African internet cafe somewhere, but I think that will be the point of this exercise - being romantically pursued by a man ought to make him just a little uncomfortable, I hope).
Send him some pics of your naughty bits. That ought to get his attention. A nice photo with “Waiting for you!” as a caption should get something going.
Testy
Naw, call Dateline instead.
I’ve still not contacted the supposed bank, but lovely Mrs Sandra sent me such a nice email:
My dear ,
So I replied (and I think I might have gone for the kill a bit too quickly, but we’ll see…):
Dear Sandra
You seem like such a dear, sweet lady, even though we’ve only exchanged a few emails, I feel in a way as if we’ve known each other for ever. I feel a bit silly saying that, but it’s the honest truth, so I have to say it.
You’re clearly also a woman of great spiritual strength and courage. My life hasn’t always been as virtuous as yours. I think there’s a lot I could learn from you in many ways.
As requested, I’m attaching a picture of myself to this email. This was taken last year at a party after a big wrestling tournament. I don’t have the beard any more and I keep my hair a little longer now.
When I fight in wrestling matches, I’m known as ‘The Spork’, because of my trademark wrestling move - the triple-prong jab drop (I won’t bore you with the details) - but there’s a running joke now - when I went on a TV chat show in England about 18 months ago, the host - Jonathan Ross - wore a T shirt with ‘I’ve been sporked!’ printed on it and since then, I’ve received photographs from a number of celebrities I’ve met (including David Beckham and OJ Simpson) holding up signs or pieces of paper with the words ‘I’ve been sporked’ on them. I keep them all framed on my wall - it’s really quite funny.
Anyway, that’s enough about me for now. I do hope you’ll continue to keep in touch and let me know how you are doing, and if you could send me a picture of yourself, I’d be overjoyed. I have a mental image of what I think you look like that pops into my mind whenever I think about you - it’s probably not like you at all, but wouldn’t it be strange if the you really do look like the Sandra of my daydreaming mind?
I must go now, so best regards and my warmest wishes for your health and wellbeing. Please send the picture as soon as you are able (If you can get someone to take a picture of you holding up a piece of paper with the words ‘I’ve been sporked’ on it, I promise you I’ll cherish it forever and frame it to go with the others on my wall).
Kindest regards, my dear lady
The picture I attached is this one - I don’t actually know who that is - I just googled ‘wrestler’ and picked an image from one of the lower ranking search results.
By my estimation, you are “The Lethal Weapon” Steve Blackman.
If this information helps influence your character in any way, I demand a songwriter credit and three percent of the millions to which you are entitled.
I’ve also prepared the photo of David Beckham I said I have; here it is - I’ll probably attach this to the next email.
