I haven’t seen a good joke thread in a while, so here’s my go at getting one started:
It was John’s birthday, so his friends decided to o something extra “special” for him. The managed to find a hooker who could give a BJ while singing the national anthem. Deciding that this would be the ultimate gag gift, they told John to be at a certain motel at 11:00PM. Upon arriving, John found an attractive woman sitting on the bed. She turned out the light and proceeded to do her business. Suddenly, while still sucking, she began belting out the national anthem. After she finished, John thanked her and left, but he was dumbfounded by how this feat was possible. The next night, he determined to find out. Going to the same motel, he and the hooker began engaging in the same activity, but this time John was near the lamp. Once the singing began, he quickly switched on the lamp. The first thing he saw was her glass eye lying on the nightstand…
It’s not offensive to any race or anything like that…It makes a slight reference to oral sex and shrimp…And it’s the grossest joke I’ve heard…GOD, I’d love to post it.
A man is getting a blowjob in a whorehouse, at the moment of fruition, the hooker leans over to a half full mason jar on the window sill and spits the jiz in the jar. The man looks at her says “Geez, lady, that’s gross!”. She says, “What’s so gross about it? Me and the whore next door are having a contest. Whoever fills their jar first gets to drink them both!”
A man is performing oral sex on a (female) prostitute. Suddenly he feels a lump in his mouth. He pauses for a moment and realizes he has a piece of carrot in his mouth. “That’s weird”, he thinks to himself, but continues. A bit later he feels another lump, and discovers it’s a small piece of potato. “Man that’s really weird!”, he thinks, but continues. Wouldn’t you know it, a short while later he finds another lump and discovers it to be a little piece of roast beef. “GeeeeZusss, Lady”, screams the guy, “Are you sick or somthing?” The whore replies, “No, but the guy before you was!”
A guy needs to take a buss across town, but doesn’t have any money. The bus driver tells him. "Pal, I’m going to be at this stop for 30 minutes on my lunch break. If you’ll go up to that apartment there and ask for Hilda, she’ll give you a bus token. " The man runs off to the apartment so he can get back before the bus driver’s lunch is over. He finds Hilda’s apartment, and asks her for a bus token, and she says with a toothless grin: “It’s right here, all you have to do is lick it out my pussy”. The man is desparate, so goes down on Hilda the hag. After a few moments he feels something rough with his tongue, grabs it, and runs back down to the bus just as the driver is getting ready to leave. He jumps on the bus and drops the token into the box, and the bus driver asks him: “Hey buddy, how far you think you’re going to get on a scab?”
Q. What is easier to unload from a truck. Babies or Bowling Balls.
A. Babies, because you can use a pitchfork.
Q. What do babies and light bulbs have in common?
A. You can screw them both
A man is walking down a back street in New York, and comes across a very overweight lady wearing a dress, and it is very obvious she hasn’t bathed in weeks. As he approches he notices she is eating a watermellon. He starts to pass by, and as he looks over he notices that she is sitting with her legs spread wide, and he can see she dosen’t have anything on under the dress. Being polite he says, “Escuse me, but you might want to sit with your legs together.” She says “No thanks, thats how I keep the flies off my watermellon.”
Ok so they’re not the best.
Two more not really gross.
Q. What do lesbians and mechanics have in common.
A. They both use Snap-On tools.
Three guys are walking down the street. The first two walk into a bar. The third one ducks.