I just HAD to type a letter to my friend/ex boyfriend. He wrote to me two months ago and I never got around to writing him back. I promised myself I’d get it done today. Unfortunately, I was gone all day and got home at 10:15pm. So I quickly began my letter, and before long it was getting lengthy.
11pm rolls around. Mom comes in and screams at me, saying I’m not allowed on the computer after 11 EVER AGAIN or I’m grounded for two days.
She says it’s because I always go to bed late, then wake up late (this was true for vacation; I’d go to bed around 3-4, wake up at 1pm the next day, but this was VACATION for crying out loud). Mom said that since I take so long, then my brother gets up too late and misses the bus. This isn’t true; I get out of the bathoom by 6:45; Ben refuses to get out of bed until 7, so it’s his own fault he misses the bus! There is 15 minutes there he could use!
Then I asked her if I could use the computer later for important papers for school (the letter to Mike seemed important to me…), and she said, “Certainly not.”
This had to be the stupidest thing I ever heard. She knows perfectly well that while I am the worst procrastinator in the world, staying up until 2-3am to work on a term paper, I still turn them in on time, and I always get A’s on them at that. I was the only one in writing class to get an A…two other students received C’s, and everyone else failed (seriously). Heck, I had all A’s on my report card, save one B in Art and that didn’t have anything to do with the computer. She knows this, too. So why is she taking away my precious working time like this? It will only make my grades worse. I find it impossible to work during the day.
I could see her taking things out on me for being a bad kid, but I’m not a bad kid. I follow the rules and generally get along with my parents 90% of the time. And then she throws this silly rule in my face that will harm more than help.
I am so :mad:
What do you think, fellow students and parents? Am I in the right, or is Mom?
I think perhaps she is trying to force you to learn not to procrastinate. It can be a dangerous habit later in life, one day you won’t have time to finish something important, and more will be on the line than a grade.
Sorry to side with mom, even a little bit, but I suspect she’s simply worried about you, and feels hesitant to say anything about it until she gets so frustrated she blows it way out of proportion and overreacts. That is, it bugs her when you don’t get enough sleep and stay up later then she thinks you should, but she doesn’t want to sound like a nag, hoping you’ll magically read her mind. When you don’t she keeps getting more and more frustrated. Yes, it’s her fault, but I think she really is just concerned about you.
(Note: the above is completely out of my ass. I don’t know you, Welf, or your mom. But it’s something I do and have experienced with my SO and my parents.)
Although I’m neither a student nor parent, my attitude is, as long as you can get up the next day and be functional, it doesn’t matter what time you go to sleep. I’m with you on this one, Welfy.
As a life-long procrastinator (who has always made good grades) I have to side with you, Welfy. I work so much better under pressure of deadline and some of my best work comes the night before a paper is due.
As for your brother, your staying up/going to bed/writing letters/living has absolutely nothing to do with him being late for school. He needs to get his lazy butt up sooner.
Your mom is just frustrated about something and she’s taking it out on you irrationally. What can you do about it? Sadly, nothing. You are a teen and your Mom is a Mom. It sucks but I don’t see how to fix it!
Given all the stresses your whole family has been under for over a year, is it not possible that your mom was just (over)reacting to a trigger that was actually unrelated to your computer use?
I don’t think her order (or her rationale) sounds fair, but I would want to cut her some slack.
When I was a kid in high school, I had a great deal worked out with my parents:
As long as my grades were good and they weren’t getting calls from the police or the school or other authorities, they stayed off my ass.
Seriously, I always wondered why you, Welfy, and other students here who perform don’t confront their parents with this concept.
I just had to tell my parents this:
Do I have all A’s? Have I ever been arrested? Have you ever gotten a call from a principal or a teacher about something bad that I did?
Then fuck off with your rules and ideas for how I should go about getting an education. By all available evidence, my way works for me. So what if it’s not the way you would do things? I’m not you and I’m doing just fine. I’m a friggin’ honor student for cryin’ out loud, so get off my back.
I really think that if you posit that you are doing well and if they fuck with your system it will only make it harder for you to achieve on a level commensurate with your ability they will be receptive to it.
Life long procrastinator checking in here…
I have averaged A’s and B’s though school, but the stress level you put yourself through on those last hours is Hell…
I think tomndebb is on the right track here. I would just let this slide and make sure you pick your battles when you really need them.
I sympathize Welfy. I can’t give you any advice, not knowing your family situation, but I just want to remind you that parents are very much human. They don’t always necessarily “know what’s best.” As long as they aren’t actively malicious, it’s just a problem of coexisting and learning what you can from them, both from their advice and their mistakes.
I just heard a report on NPR about how teenagers go through a period of altered circadian rhythms. Apparently their brains don’t release the needed seratonin to induce sleepiness until a couple of hours later than it did when they were kids. The study was done in a school district in Minnesota where the class times were changed to that high school didn’t start until 9:00 rather than 7:00 because teenagers naturally stay up later and sleep later than they did as middle schoolers or kids.
Tell mom to back off, it’s biological. I say if your grades are as good as you say they are she shouldn’t rock the boat.
Another vote for tomndebb’s response.
Rationality has no place in a family. Mom’s concerned about other things, and is blowing off steam. I wouldn’t be surprised if your mother is a little embarrased, but thinks she can’t back down right now.
My advice is give it a couple weeks and broach the subject again, or even give it a couple weeks and pretend it never happened and start using the computer late again.
Man, it’s stuff like that that makes me glad I’m not a teenager anymore. Welfy, just wait a year or two and you’re going to get to go off to college, where NOBODY gives a shit whether you stay up to 4 in the morning as long as you turn in your work on time and show up for the tests.
I know it’s tough to recognize this, but in fact your parents are only a little bit older than you are. They just got here on this planet, and now they have to try to guide someone else? They don’t have all the answers, try to give them a little compassion when they make mistakes, just like you would hope they’d view your mistakes with compassion.