What’s with this “grow a skin!” epithat “secure” people throw around so casually? As if people want to be sensitive on purpose. Yes, I like having my week ruined by one innocuous comment. I like neglecting duties to chastize an absent offender who’s previous remarks refuse to leave my head. I love thinking that all is lost in terms of future happiness and success when a person suggests that I’m imperfect in their opinion. If you couldn’t tell, that was SARCASM. Obviously, if it were so easy to “grow a skin”, I’d have done it by now and would be the happiest man in town!
Soo - you’ve tried to become less sensitive how, exactly? Have you had counselling or something?
The reason I ask is that if a one person’s innocuous comment can ruin your whole week, perhaps you should look into getting some professional assistance.
While I understand what you are saying pizzabrat, some of the references to growing a thick skin go out to people who purposely place themselves in areas where a thick skin is necessary (such as The Pit). One can’t fully control what one is subject to in the real world, but one can easily control their cyber experiences. If treading in waters where pirahna swim, one should expect bites.
If you hang from a chin-up bar 3 hours a day, you can stretch yourself and grow taller.
Plus, calluses on your palms. Thicker skin! Voila!
Thick skin probably comes in handy if you like to walk over hot coals.
There’s no reason for someone to be a jerkwad to you, but there really shouldn’t be a reason one “innocuous” comment ruins your whole week, either. Like Alice_in_Wonderland suggested, maybe you should look at the underlying reasons why this comment struck such a nerve, and try to address the situation so it doesn’t happen again.
(I assume you’re short and someone made some wiseass comment about you’re height?)
I am notoriously thin-skinned. (those here that recognise my name might vouch for that) Sometimes a temporary thick skin is easy to grow, but not a permanent one. It is harder than it may seem.
Well it is possible to grow a thicker skin, but it is difficult.
Step 1. Understand that what you feel is under your control, and your control alone.
What this means is that no one can make you feel a certain way without you in part at least allowing them to make you feel that way. If you find you keep refelcting on the bad things that upset you, then you will be more upset, if instead you learn not to keep reflecting on these bad things they will cause you less damage.
You can get help in learning this from Therapists, or books or friends that you can trust.
You will find on this board many people with little self control who can be switched on and off by a comment or even a single word, who will then cuss and complain for an incredably long time. You will also find people on this board who control themselves, not by having less feelings but by understanding their feelings and how they are affected by those arround them.
Just learn to ignore anyone who doesn’t like you or disagrees with you. It works for me!
That’s just it - with us thin-skinned people. We are not really in control of what we think.
I like to think we are thin skinned because we place a lot of value in what others think of us. If we say something that gets misunderstood. And someone then thinks something about us that is not true, we want that person to know the truth. Letting go is letting a misconception remain. so we don’t want to ‘let it go’
We know that ‘letting it go’ is the right (or at least most productive) thing to do, but it is hard to do, it is hard to let someone keep thinking something that is false.
It is alright saying ‘Understand that what you feel is under your control, and your control alone.’ but really that is just like saying ‘get a thicker skin’ which is what is in dispute in the first place. It is easier said than done. I realize you are trying to help, I am just adding my two cents.
Hi! I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such self-help videos as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”
Well, at least I thought it was funny…
:dubious: (hesitantly) I find it funny too.
When I’m in a good place emotionally, other people’s bullshit is almost funny to me. When I am not, or I am very tired, I too let other people’s ignorance get to me.
The older I get though, the less time I dwell on it. I also remind myself that in the past I have made ignorant mean remarks to people when they didn’t deserve it, and I was wrong, and what I did or said really had nothing to do with them, but with my own immaturity.
And in conclusion…sometimes. believe it or not , people say things and don’t really mean what you think they meant.
OH MY GOD!! That’s exactly the source of half of my frustrations! I can’t believe the same thing happens to other people. I didn’t even mention that in the OP, but that’s what I do all the time.
So be clear the first time.
I donno, clarifying a misconception, and being unable to handle an insult, seem different to me.
Well having a thin skin is not always about clarifying a misconception, just sometimes. They are different.
Being insulted makes a person think there is somethig about them that is flawed, so again they do not want to ‘drop it’ but rather to get to the bottom of why they were insulted.
It is hard to believe that some people are just naturally inclined to insult. So it is hard not to take it personally.
…will that really work?
Nah, that’s not it. I’m not too happy about my height, but no one’s ever called me short, directly. I have been excluded from certain lists. I was just using an example of something impossible for me to change.
I was clear the first time. It was just your prejudices that clouded my message (not you specifically, it’s just that that seems to be the problem most of the time).
ij amn tryingr it rghint noew but terh problem is thart i havre to typoe with myh toese. i’/ll let yuou knjow hjow ity worjs forf me,