Thanks everyone, you’ve really made me smile!
Ilsa_Lund , sorry for the over-reaction. Assumed you were making some kind of “necessity of beer goggles” wisecrack. I’m still a wee bit sensitive.
Paparveraceae (sure I’ve spelt that wrong!) thanks for the suggestion - I’ll bear it in mind!
I’ll be sure to follow all advice involving alcohol, new shoes, and dancing about to appropriate disco tunes!
Heigh-ho.
When I was twenty-one, I was hopelessly in love with someone who’d decided she didn’t want me.
When I was thirty-one, I was hopelessly in love with someone who decided she didn’t want me.
I’ll be forty-one next week, and all I can say is … whooo, boy, do I know how to pick 'em or what?
Get drunk and dance. Sounds like a plan to me.
Heigh-ho.
When I was twenty-one, I was hopelessly in love with someone who’d decided she didn’t want me.
When I was thirty-one, I was hopelessly in love with someone who decided she didn’t want me.
I’ll be forty-one next week, and all I can say is … whooo, boy, do I know how to pick 'em or what?
Get drunk and dance. Sounds like a plan to me.
Christmas Eve 1989. Speech straight out of that cliche book you mentioned, especially “My Feelings Have Changed” and “The Sparkle’s Gone”. In this case it was code for “I’ve got cold feet over the wedding, I’m tired of this relationship, I want a new one, and I’m shagging someone older, uglier, and more married than you, although I’ll baldly deny it in the face of any amount of evidence”. 
Fortunately I didn’t let this affect my confidence, I didn’t let myself get jerked around for months playing the “I just want us to be friends” game (this is code for “I still want to cherry-pick the bits and pieces of the relationship that I like, while not committing myself to giving anything back”), I didn’t rebound back into the arms of my manipulative, controlling, serial-dumping previous woman who’d suddenly turned a lot keener on me once I’d demonstrated I could get someone else, I didn’t marry the first other woman who would have me, and I’m happy as Larry right now.
True as I’m sat here fishing for marlin in this two-gallon bucket :rolleyes:.
Sorry about that, Jennyrosity. This is very sad.
Don’t mess about with alcohol (not too much, at least), and I’ll vawe good karma and good thoughts in your direction.
Remember that in the future you will call this a good thing, ok?
Funny this is making me feel much better too. Except for the part about
“Stick with us, your close personal band of 20,000 dopers, and we will never dump you. Flame you. Pit you. Whoosh you. But you will never sleep in the wet spot with any of us.”
My ex is a doper. He introduced me to you guys and I have had solace that he hasn’t been on since. I played the friends bit with him too and yes it doesn’t help. It just prolongs the agony and prolongs the amount of time it will take you to get on with your life.
Each time I slept with him I would sink lower and lower into the “I’m such a loser for being with this loser” pit. Anyone else been there? Show me the way up. I seem to be lost in the “I’m such a loser for missing this loser” pit.
YA holiday breakup story: Last year I went to visit my out-of-town SO for Valentine’s Day. Some stuff happened that weekend that led pretty directly to her dumping me a month later. The kicker was, she was right to do so. It took me most of the rest of the year to begin to truly understand the why of the matter.
So this year, Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday. dwc1970 and Lord Ashtar have given me an idea.
How about if us single Dopers get together for a Lonely Folks, I mean, Single Dopers Valentine’s Dopefest?
Very sorry to hear that, Jenny - it really stinks, especially given what you’ve written previously.
The boy sounds incredibly immature - the way you describe yourself as having trust issues and him persisting, it seems like he might’ve been in the “thrill of the chase” mode, then once getting you, not having a clue. Then handling the breakup - can you say “ill-mannered child”?
I wish you time and a speedy recovery - it was him and his immaturity.
While single, I was broken up with poorly and did some immature breaking up myself that I still look on with regret. Humans are capable of incredibly stupid, mean things, both consciously and unconsciously - sorry to hear you got caught in the line of fire of someone who needs to grow up and will hopefully live to regret his poor judgment.
Oh Dear Jen…
Just got back after a few away days to read this. I can only endorse what WordMan has said, he is spot on with his comments. You have been very brave in your replies, but those of us who have loved someone as much as you did will know the pain you feel right now.
Really trying hard to avoid the obvious cliché here, but I’m sorry, I can’t. The right one is out there, I believe that fate will at least make you meet him.
I found my true love ‘C’ at the age of 45, after the breakdown of a previous 20 year marriage to someone else which I know now was wrong, (and everybody said so at the time), at least you have been spared that.
Good luck Jennie, loadsa luv, & keep posting!
XOXOXO
Sorry to hear, Jenny.
My last serious relationship ended a few years ago. More and more, I am inclined to believe that by “last” I don’t mean “most recent,” but rather “final.” Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Don’t let people make you feel like you need to keep tilting at windmills just because it’s the way things are done. Only go looking if and when you decide it’s what you want. And if you decide you don’t want to, that’s ok. There are some of us who are quite happy flying solo. If you do decide to jump back into the pool, more power to you. (Yes, I know I’m mixing metaphors badly.)
In the meantime, of course, it hurts like hell. I find that singing along to “Tainted Love” really loudly helps a bit. Comfort food is also a good crutch, as is a good bender or two. But when the edges of the pain have dulled a bit, don’t forget to take a look around at the friends who care about you. You are most definitely not unlovable. Just trust me on this one.
Big hugs.