If only that rule applied to the Air Bud movies…
If the person you are near drops something and bends down to pick it up, run away as fast as you possibly can. He is going to use the distraction to pull out a gun and blow your brains out. People in movies never, ever drop anything accidentally (except for comic sidekicks who accidentally drop the most valuable artifact in the country.)
If you’re in a horror movie, don’t have sex. HELL, don’t even think about sex.
If you are a bank guard, do not be young or middle-aged. Even if you are an old bank guard, do not carry a gun.
If you’re a bystander, don’t be innocent.
If you’re a hostage, try not to be the only one of your gender/race/religion/ethnic origin. Try not to do anything at all that distinguishes you from the other hostages.
If you’re a test pilot, don’t have a young wife and small children.
If you hear a suspious noise downstairs, do not go downstairs to investigate. Get the hell out of there.
Never hold a party in the same place on the same date as one where everyone was murdered.
If the murderer’s body is not found, don’t assume they are dead. Even if the body is found, don’t assume they are dead. Even if a DNA test concludes it is the murderer, don’t assume death. There probably is an identical twin sibling running around somewhere.
Well, there was this one time at band camp …
Don’t work in restaurant kitchens. Police, thieves, Secret Service agents, spies, and most movie malfeasant miscellany will not think twice about knocking you down, pushing dolly carts into you, using you as a human shield, or shooting you out of spite.
Remember, most telephones are heavy enough to kill even the toughest criminal with a sharp swipe relatively close to the head.
If you are a fighter pilot, and your plane is hit in combat BAIL OUT.
Do not respond to you wingman's urging to bail out by saying "it's okay, I can hold it". All fighter planes have a sensor that causes them to explode immediately after that phrase is spoken.Never say “I’ll be right back”. EVER.
You won’t.
When walking home with friends and you come to a dark foggy ally, never say “ok guys, I’m going to take a short cut home”.
If you watch a video and seven days later a girl comes out of your TV, run. Don’t stand there all dumbfounded, run as fast as you can to the busiest street you can find. It may not help but at least everyone will know what happened to you.
Don’t get a cat in an action movie.
They make you the Bad Man, and you’ll get shot.
Run straight down the middle of the road.
You definitely don’t want to be a ball-turret gunner.
If you have a best friend who you want to join the acadamy with, make sure that either a) you are the better pilot or b) he has more in life to live for.
If a man with a last name like “Bond” or “Jones” wants you to be his guide someplace, refuse.
That storm WILL hit before you reach the summit and can start your decent.
This reminds me of Eddie Murphy talking about Poltergeist:
"I’d have been gone, man. I would have went down to the police station, and said, ‘Look, man…I came home from work, and my daughter was inside the fckin’ TV set. You can have all that shit. I ain’t back to the motherfcker. I just wanted y’all to know, so that when she ain’t at the school, y’all don’t think I killed the bitch or nothing like that. But she is INSIDE the TV set. Y’all can have all that shit.’
‘Mr Murphy, didn’t you try to save your daughter?’
‘Yeah, I’m a man and shit. I tried to save her. I changed the channel, the shit didn’t work - I got the f*ck out.’"
If someone’s chasing you, and you find a good hiding spot, hide there! No one takes the time to look!
If you wear a nice tux and don’t show your teeth when you smile, you’re guaranteed a girl.
Learn how to operate a goddamn computer! This is the new millenium!
Don’t go anywhere for summer vacation. Unless there’s a string of murders in your area.
Never accept anything you win, from anyone.
Oh, and remember it’s better to start out poor and unknown than rich and prominent
If you know anyone who is an expert in martial arts, do not become friends with this person. Also, do not let any of your relatives study martial arts. While they will seek revenge for your death, it is better to be alive.
If you are a soldier, never discuss with your comrades what you intend to do after the war. If your ambition is to buy a farm, do not tell anyone. You will.
If you have traveled to an exotic locale and are mingling with the natives, never drink the strange brew the tribal chief gives to you. Especially if you are an anthropologist.
If you are a very attractive member of a certain sex, and you meet another very attractive member of the opposite sex, don’t worry if you two initially hate each other. You’ll be falling in love very soon.