Gut Efenink Mr. Eutychus

The BBQ Pit
1

No doubt you are vondering Vhy I haf brought you here. Probably you are vondering vhy you are tied to zis chair in this bare cinder block room vhile a single light bulb svings from a cord.

No. No. No. Cease strugglink. I assure you it is futile. Herr Von Flugershlugen’s knots are unbreakable.

Vhere vere ve?

Ahh, yes.

Vhy you are here?

You are here to be punished and reprimanded because you are in need of correctink.

Doubtless, you are tortured and confused enough veading my tortured prose,

Ve vill nonethess kick it up a notch, yes?

I vill now exclusively use the soft “s” vhile ve converse.

Do not fcream. It vill not help you.

You fee, today is July the 8th in the evenink. Do you know vot that meanf?

It meanf that ze lateft iffue of Teeminkf vaf due out feven dayf ago.

Mr. Eutychuf, I am not feeink the lateft iffue. Vhere if it?

You unt I are know done fpeakink.

You vill Releafe the lateft iffue immediately or zere vill be further and more fevere confequencef to face.

I haf been gentle vith you.

If you do not releafe ze Teeminkf immediately, I affure you my replacement vill not be fo gentle.

If you Zink I am annoyink, vait until you haf to face ze Poftingf of Antonio banderaf.

Do not make me bring out Antonio Banderaf. You do not vant that.

Releafe the Temminkf.

Releafe it now, Fchweinhunde!

2

Um, Fcylla. Try here.

3

Iz diz de one ve are looking var?

4

Dang too slow.

5

[Obi-Wan]
This is not the Teemings you are looking for.
[/Obi-Wan]

6

Zif if ftill not Acceptable.
Vhy vaf it not announced on ze front page of the Ftraight Dope?

Vhy did Eutychuf not poft an announcement in ze forumf?

Vhy did he not do zefe things ze vay he haf done zem ze laft fifteen timef?
(By ze vay, read my article. It if very gut, no?)

7

He did, Scylla, that’s how I found it (but I’m too lazy to find the link). Nice piece, BTW. :slight_smile:

8

Scylla, that is hilarious.

9

That was hilarious! I tried to read it out loud and I started cracking up!

10

Gott in Hemmel! How can zis be! Ein article on I-17 mitout a mention off 1941, vich it inspired!

11

Mmmmmmm…chicken…

A word of warning: Many, many moons ago, whilst working the drive-through window of a small purveyor of petroleum distillate, I was prevailed upon by a passing motorist to dispose of a bag of trash for them (as the garbage can thoughtfully provided for them thirty feet yonder was evidently too far out of their way). Seeing the “Hardee’s” logo on the side of the bag, and figuring thusly that it most likely contained the remains of a meal from said establishment, I accepted the parcel, and disposed of it in the trash receptacle inside the kiosk in which I was housed.

As a disturbing odor began making itself more and more obvious, I finally checked the bag to see what Hardee’s was putting on their burgers these days that wafted so rankly to my quivering nostrils.

Dirty baby diapers. Really dirty.

I’m just sayin’. Bag O’ Food at the side of the road? Leave it for the crows. It isn’t worth the risk.

Funny story, though. Sounds like that “runner’s high” got the better of you.

12

Good grief, I’d forgotten all about that article I submitted.

13

Lame.

14

Herr Eutychus, a moment, please. May I see your papers? Danke.

This is very bad, Herr Eutychus. Very bad indeed. Your papers are not… in order.

This one goes first, then this one, then this one.

Here. Do not let this happen again.

Good evening.

15

Bravo Scylla. Your OP was even more difficult to read than Trainspotting. Plus I missed the announcement too.

16

Sehr lustig Scylla! :smiley:

17

?
I taught zat eet vas ferrry eentelestink.

but shtoopid. :smiley:

18

*De gustibus non est disputandum,
sed

Ars gratia Arte?

19

with all the recent events, you’d think to give Euty a little leeway.

20

I’d like to hear what Antonio Banderas has to say about all this.