Witch, You’re very welcome. I’m happy I could share that poem with you - and that you got it. It is simple but also the most eloquent thing I have ever read.
Your Mom is right you know. 
And I just wanted to say that your brother rocks.
All this advice is wonderful, Witch. Especially the parts about being very, very careful right now. Do not be in the house (or anywhere else) alone with your husband now. When he thought you were his to do with as he pleased, he beat you. Now that he knows he could lose that freedom, there may be no limit to what his sick, desperate mind could do.
Also, take something from your sister-in-law’s death–life is too freaking short. You can have a life without this son-of-a-bitch (literally) and you will.
I just wanted to add to what evilbeth said, and agree that this could well be the most dangerous time for you. Spouse abuse is about power and control, and when he feels he is losing his power/control over you, he may escalate what was already bad behaviour. I had a boyfriend who had anger problems, but he never physically abused me until I tried to leave him. Then he wouldn’t let me leave the house, and I had to sneak out when he was asleep and get the police to come with me to get my stuff out. The same thing happened to my friend; her ex-bf never hit her until she broke up with him. I’m not trying to frighten you, just to caution you to be extremely careful once you end things with him.
Witch, if it wasn’t your SIL’s accident it would have been some other excuse. Your OP shows a history of accepting his behavior, it’s unlikely you would stop now.
As a fellow straight-edger, I’m really glad to hear it. There are a lot of jerks and militant idiots in the straight edge scene that sometimes makes me sick, but the ability the philosophy has to bring hope, a sense of belonging, and a network of support to people is what makes me keep espousing it, despite all that.
You and your son both sound like you have your heads on right and I wish you all the best. Good luck.
My best wishes to you witch! I know it will be difficult, but you’ve made the right choice. Stick with it, be strong, not only for your children, but for yourself.
I wish you well!
Oh bullshit. Did you happen to read her followup threads, wherein she said “The bastard’s history” etc? Witch seems to me to have made up her mind, and she is thinking about the best and safest way to handle her situation, which is much, much better than simply reacting.
Y’know, it is possible to HAVE a negative thought and keep it to yourself, once you realize how hurtful and unsupportive it is.
Hang in there, Witch. How are things?
And what’s a Straight Edger?
Someone who doesn’t use drugs or alcohol.
Basically, it’s what Dr. Lao said, though a little more complex than that. It’s a philosophy that grew out of the band Minor Threat and the music genre of hardcore (which is a genre that grew out of punk.) It was a sort of rebellion against rebellion.
It basically preaches moderation. It’s about controlling your life, instead of letting any addictions control you.
The original credo was “Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t f***” (Pardon my language.) Usually this is interpreted as don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and don’t have promiscuous sex. There are also people who interpret to mean a condemnation of any sex before marriage, eating meat or meat products, over-the-counter medication, etc.
A good longer definition is here if you’re really interested.
Thanks for the link, Tanaqui. I’ve never heard the term before, either. Good on you for it, it’s more fun to be in control, then you can make fun of the drunk people.
Can you hold out until after the funeral and then leave him?
If it’s hard on him it is his own fault. He’s the one who has MADE you make this descision. It is not YOUR problem. It is his problem.
I’ve been in an abusive relationship before and getting out is the first step to a much happier life.
You can’t even imagine you’ll feel, once you get out of the abusive household. Your children will be MUCH better for it too.
My boy walks along the moderation pathTanaqui. I’m really proud of him for the choices he’s made. I hope they stick for life.
SandyHook, I think you are being a bit unfair here. It’s not a matter of “accepting” behavior, it’s matter of trying to hold your family together. I had thrown him out before, and he had gone through treatment, and he had cleaned up his act, at least for a stretch. I don’t like the insinuation that I’m some sitting duck.
My family and I have decided I’m not going to mention any talk of divorce until I’m ready to file for the very reasons bodypoet mentions(thank you too bodypoet for taking up for me). I am also glad because of the fact he’s mourning his little sister. Does that make me a sap? Frankly, I don’t give a s***.
Her accident made the local news the day it happened. I even had a reporter call here yesterday. It was that kind of accident.
The wake is tonight. I’m not attending of course. My daughter wants to go. I really have no choice but to let her.
I’m sorry I won’t be there. I hope Sheila will understand.
But nothing has changed guys. I’m still on the same path. And thanks for caring. It means alot.
Hi, Witch. I went through a rough divorce from a very controlling man. What really made me decide to get out was what many others have mentioned already–I didn’t want my boys growing up thinking that this was what a loving, married realtionship was supposed to be like. You are making a very difficult decision, but it’s the right one and things will get better.
I want you to know that I don’t live too far from you and I had an amazing lawyer for my divorce (she was fair, funny and honest). I’m sure she has friends who practice in the Boston area and if you would like a recommendation I’d be happy to try to help. My email address is in my profile. Take care of yourself!