I have exhausted the short supply of single hetero gainfully-employed friends-of-friends, and the guys I work with, well, I have to work with them. So I am venturing once again into the world of… <gasp> dating services. I bought 24 stud-monkeys - I figure at least a few should be fun, interesting, funny, and “doable.” I should also mention it’s been much too long since I’ve gotten laid; I have no friends with benefits But I’d really like to be sure my <cough cough> minimum service criteria will be met before I end up doing the deed with the hypothetical Mr. StudMonkey.
So I’m figuring if I’m interested, within a two or three dates, I want to ask, in a low whisper in his ear “So, tell me what you like to do in bed…” If he is silly enough to ask “Why do you want to know?” my answer is “Well, if I like your answer, then we can do it sometime soon” or words to that effect.
So guys, hypothetically, would this scare you off or turn you on (or maybe both)?
I’ve scared men off before, but not for being sexually aggressive - hell, one guy got scared because I called to ask him out to dinner.
Personally, if you’ve been fun to be with and seem confident (important to me) and you were that honest and open I’d be delighted. But then, to me being honest is vitally important. To me this would identify you as an open-minded, confident woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask.
Bliss.
Having said that - and I don’t mean to rain on your parade here - there ARE men out there who may be scared off by it. But then they’re probably not the ones you want for stud monkey service.
What if he says, “Well, Jell-O and penguins come to mind…”
Wait, that was my second thought response.
Back to the OP… I dunno, but for some reason, my mind went from “possible long term?” to “piece of ass.” But if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m sure it’ll work just fine.
YMMV of course, but I don’t think you’d need to pose that question until you’re in the pre-serious-yet-things-are-looking-good, about-to-start-groping phase.
With the exception of maybe 5% of all men, we like women to be foreward. Instead of the usual girly games that women play, men like it more when women get down to what they want right away. Well, not right away, it’d seem kind of strange if a woman just walked up to a man and asked for sex, but you catch my drift… I hope.
First off, where the HELL do you BUY 24 guys at a time???
But in serious response: yeah, frankly, at first hearing this would probably shock and scare the hell out of me. I’d sit there, for what would probably seem like an eternity to you, with a vacuous half-grin on my face, trying to determine if I’d actually heard it right and attempting to formulate a response. But then, I’m a complete bumbling idiot around the ladies
However, if I had a minute or two to realize that you were seriously interested and making an attempt at honest communication, I’d think you were one of the greatest, most forthright women there ever was.
And then, boy oh BOY would you have a hard time shutting me up.
I had something similar happen to me once. In college, there was a girl who I was kind of flirting with…well, I thought it was just kind of flirting. She eventually decided I was the sort who required the direct approach–she took me by the hand, led me to her bedroom, and took off her clothes. This startled me momentarily, but then I shook it off and did my manly duty. (I like that–manly duty.)
So I’d say go ahead and be direct, porcupine. You might scare some of them off, but you’ll be more apt to get what you’re looking for sooner.
To be quite honest, it would have turned me on. I am, however, arrogant, self-confident to the point of snobbery, and famously immune to shame or embarassment and will happily degrade myself for the enjoyment of the masses, so take my opinion with a lot of salt.
Of course, if you get to a third date, the guy SHOULD want to have sex with you by that point, so here’s hoping you haven’t just guilted him into three dates…
sk8rktyx is right; the perception of most men, for better or for worse, is that women are secretive and deceptive. Forthrightness will probably shock your date initially, but if he’s any kind of confident, non-macho man, he’ll know a good catch when he sees it.
Thanks for the responses so far. Please keep 'em coming. I need to keep up my resolve and follow through on my idea.
And thanks for confirming my suspicion that many men wouldn’t mind.
Rysdad, frankly, at this point, I wouldn’t mind too much being thought of as a “piece of ass.” I know it sounds sleezey, and ultimately I would like a long term relationship, but for right now I just need some fun <nudge nudge, wink wink, so no more>; I need somebody I can have some good laughs with and I need some serious male attention. I’m hopin’ I’ll be doing some gropin’ in fairly short order. Jello is probably ok (are we talking Jello Wrigglers?), as is whipped cream. But what would the penguins do? Are they just sitting on the telly watching or are they active participants?
BigGiantHead, the contract with the <gasp> dating service gives you X number of “setups” for Y dollars. I could have bought just 12 stud-monkeys, but for only 40% more, I got 24. BTW, which “head” does your user name refer to?
Honestly, I’d probably laugh. Not in a mean way, but just because I’d figure that any girl who said that to me must be joking. But, I’d be a little turned on too.
Sorry if I’m being dense, but the goal of the question is to find out if he’ll actually be willing to put some effort into giving you pleasure and not just being a selfish wanker, before you take things any further?
I think being direct is fantastic, from either the man or the woman, but I have to say that your question would sort of confuse me. (I would probably say “Um, what do you mean?”) If you’re just trying to start some dirty talk, excellent, you rule. That will send an unambiguous message that will almost definitely result in something naked and sweaty in the near future. 99.99% of all guys would love to hear those words from their date.
But if you’re trying to get some info on what sort of lover he is, I don’t think that’s gonna do it. I’d say you should just get something started up with a promising Monkey, and at the beginning tell him how much you love a lot of foreplay, particularly (fill in the blank(s)). Most guys will take the hint. Or, once you’ve started the dirty talk with a phrase similar to the above one, specifically ask him his opinions on (e.g.) oral sex, or whatever. If he blanches, give him the boot.
Um, you don’t understand guys too much, do you? Or maybe you just give us a little too much credit? Having been in more than one situation where being honest and direct wasn’t the best thing to do, despite women always claiming that’s that what they want, let me assure you that men aren’t nearly as complicated/inconsistent/unpredictable. I think it’s pretty safe to say that if you look Dream Come True in the Male Dictionary, you would find the scenario you describe right up there as #1.
Sure would work for me - after I spilled my drink and mumbled a couple of "ahem"s and “you were saying ??”. Wow.
Sure, you might scare one or two off, but with two dozen candidates, what’s the problem ? As a matter of fact, a fast selection procedure is probably cosnistent with your stated objectives.
You wouldn’t happen to be visiting Europe in the foreseeable future ? I guess not. Ah well.
wait…are you asking as a come on or because you want to know the answer? like, you want to know if he can meet you minimum criteria? (or to put it nicely, are you compatable?) if you are asking for information purposes, stay away from his ear, and the low tones. stick to about a foot or so away and a lighthearted tone. direct is good but what if you’re whispering in his ear and he comes back with Jello and penguins, when you were thinking of squirrels and farina?
Why not just tell the stud monkeys what you like to do in bed and judge their reactions? Remember that guys will probably tell you what they think you want to hear. Which they would do in either scenario.
You could make up a check-list, with different acts specified along with “Damn right, yes, no, hell no, or maybe” check boxes. Scoring the results might be tedious.
So, why not have a contest? The winner would receive some number of return engagements, with the runner-up receiving a lesser number and so on. I think that would be fair to all concerned.
- I figure at least a few should be fun, interesting, funny, and “doable.” I should also mention it’s been much too long since I’ve gotten laid; I have no friends with benefits 
But I’d really like to be sure my <cough cough> minimum service criteria will be met before I end up doing the deed with the hypothetical Mr. StudMonkey.
