Guys, Is this TOO direct?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I on the whole like it when women are direct. In this case, I would appreciate it if a woman said something like this to me, since it would indicate in a quick and efficient manner that she isn’t my type. I mean, obviously I’d rather have her say something direct that indicated that she was my type, like, uhh, “I like you a lot and I’d really love to see you again. You are my number one romantic interest right now.” If she followed that up with a kiss on the cheek that would be all the action I would expect on one of the first two or three dates.

So basically, I’m just saying that one of the main benefits of directness - realistically speaking - is that it allows you to know when not spend any more of your time. Directness is, as most folks on this thread would agree, an extremely rare commodity, which is why it is so easy to waste so much time. It’s kind of a shock, hoping for a romantic relationship with someone and then discovering that romance essentially doesn’t exist in their world - that they treat sex like a dietary need to be fulfilled with the best meat available. I could never be happy being someone’s piece of meat, even if they regarded me as a particularly high quality slice.

The one time I’ve ever had a woman be direct in sort of this way was once when a school friend of mine said, “You know how I said I would never seriously date a gentile? Well, casual kissing would be just fine. Would you be up for that?” It was one of those situations where way too many buttons were being pushed. I completely had the hots for her - she was really attractive in a way I can’t completely describe - an ex-hippy kibbutznik with chocolate eyes. I could never tell how religious she was, but her ethnic heritage was fairly important to her (which is what not seriously dating a gentile was about). Anyway, my reactions were:
(a) Did I hear that right?
(b) She wants to kiss me? Ha! That’s a good one. Next she’ll tell me the one about how she’s a rabbi and she wants to convert me.
© Hot smoochin? I’m all for it!
(d) Okay, so we gentiles are okay for fooling around but no good for relationships? I think I should be offended.

There was loud music playing at the time and I paused for a long time trying to figure out what she’d said. I can’t remember what I said, if anything. In any case, she got the message that she’d been turned, which was more or less correct.

42

I just got an interesting suggestion - when the time is appropriate, ask Mr. StudMonkey to come in for a drink. Have condoms all over the place (on the coffe table, on the back of the toilet tank, in the refrigerator by the beer) and see if he notices. :slight_smile:

43

:Puffing up with pride:
BOTH! :smiley:

:deflating again:

Well, all right, mainly the shoulder-mounted one…

44

(off topic: how on earth does anyone actually find the time to be an active participant in the SDMB? I read only IMHO, and I hardly have time to even read all the posts, much less actually post half the interesting things I want to… geez.)

back on topic: I think that the answer many people have been giving (it would likely get you some good sex, but would likely cause the man to think of you in a less-than-respectful light) is fundamentally correct, but I think it depends a lot on quite what “second or third date” means in this context. If you had gone out for dinner and movie once before, chatted a bit, had a kinda good time, and were now on your second date, then yes, it might be exciting but would almost certainly also lead you to seem “easy” or what have you. On the other hand, if you’d had two dates already, each of which consisted of 5 hours of deep conversation, with the second one perhaps consisting of a long time sitting in the park looking deep into each other’s eyes, and there had really been a deep connection growing, and both of you were thinking, at some level, “could this be the one?”, and at some point during the third date you lean over towards him with a wicked little grin and say “so, what do you like to do in bed?”, well, that’s different… at that point, he’s already probably formed his basic opinion of you, so you’re not suddenly going to transform from “virgin” into “slut” because of one question. And it should be obvious that you don’t have that level of intense dates (leading up to potential sex) every weekend

(to go back to the original question, however, if you were on a date with me and asked me that question, I would probably assume that you were asking at least partly in jest, or in a desire to engage in some harmless verbal flirtation… I’m so insecure that I would not believe that you actually wanted me…)