Beach Boys and surfboards
are never seen in my 'hood
(not that I would mind)!
Not that I would mind,
my office banned popcorn 'cause
it makes work smell good.
It makes work smell good
I love the smell of napalm
Morning noon or night.
Morning, noon, or night
Winter, spring, summer, or fall
I’m always open
I’m always open
To possibly buying
One or more new books.
One or more new books
have been written about that
thing that happened once.
Thing that happened once
might happen twice or thrice more,
but that’s all, by gum!
But that’s all by gum
At the register. Candy,
Mints, and batteries
Mints and batteries -
Only one is edible.
Both can give a zing.
Both can give a zing.
That’s why I like to date twins.
Birthdays are real fun.
Birthdays are real fun,
Unless you are the person
Who is giving birth
Who is giving birth?
It’s not me, I’m pretty sure.
But thanks for asking!
But thanks for asking
About the bumps on my skin
They’re from licking frogs
They’re from licking. Frogs
Do that a lot. Or maybe
That “fact” isn’t true.
That fact isn’t true
So then let’s go ahead and
Call it a factoid
Call it a factoid
Or thesaurus coprolite -
Saying lie is harsh.
Saying lie is harsh
Try saying lain, perhaps laid
Those are much softer
Those are much softer;
my Egyptian-cotton sheets
aren’t nearly that soft.
“Aren’t nearly that soft”
The awkward tagline to the
New Viagra ads
New Viagra ads
are really stimulating;
you know what I mean!