The man’s butt’s unsniffed.
The woman’s andd’s untasted.
The child iff’s unheard.
The child iff’s unheard
But the child’s riffs do resound
From his new gee-tar
From his new gee-tar,
He pulled a resounding twang.
Then he broke a string.
Then he broke a string,
then his nails and then his arm.
Why play the guitar?
Why play the guitar?
Most common reason, I think:
You’ll score with the chicks
You’ll score with chicks
throwing up baby chickens
nothing but net, swoosh.
Nothing but net, swoosh.
I prefer Turkey bowling,
Line up the bottles.
Line up the bottles
and start tossing them around
like Cruise in Cocktail
Like Cruise in Cocktail
I thought I was the hot shit
'til Jim Beam brained me
'Til Jim Beam brained me,
I was a successful guy.
Now I’m on Skid Row.
Now I’m on Skid Row.
How I got here, I don’t know.
I need some Old Crow.
I need some old Crow
MST3K reruns
Oh, the fun we’ll have!
Oh, the fun we’ll have!
When the circus comes to town!
(Wait. I’m scared of clowns.)
Wait. I’m Scared of Clowns?
Shoulder to shoulder, packed in
to that tiny Beetle.
to that tiny Beetle
who inspired “The Beatles”
Let us give huge praise!
Let us give huge praise
to the man who gave me a raise
Now I buy some maize
Now I buy some maize;
you damn imperialists
call it “corn,” don’t you?
“Call it ‘corn’, don’t you?”
“Yes, that is the proper term
For trite, moldy gags.”
‘Call it “corn,” don’t you?’
Said my somewhat canny Gran
As I minimised
As I minimized,
all my faults, those very same
she did maximize