Chicago remote?
Try the City of Springfield
Middle of nowhere.
City of Springfield,
Lincoln’s land where I was born.
Someday I’ll return.
In the name of gawd
Why would you come back to this
place, Spider Woman?
And, oh, by the way
Thank you for the nice welcome
I’m sure I’ll enjoy
Unlike The Simpsons,
“middle of nowhere” told us
Which Springfield he meant.
…
The state is growing.
I remember when St Cloud
Wasn’t a suburb. 
Been to Le Seuer
(three syllables when pronounced
by Fargo’s hookers.)
Thought Mankato was
in the middle of nowhere.
But locals told me:
“Folks from Iowa
drive all the way up here just
to shop at our mall.”
I stand corrected.
It’s on the edge of nowhere,
not in the middle.
Suck at poetry
I foolishly add this verse
And waste download time.
Why I continue
Who will read this anyway?
Maybe I should stop
Continuing on
Like a William Shatner song
I transform all
What does poem do?
Sucking the monitor’s life
Pixel by pixel
I wake up and see
You are still here? Amazing
Think I’m a guru?
Watching the grass grow
Will surely bring more insight
Than this weakling verse
Nothing profound here
Now that I wasted your time
Get on with your life
DynoSaur, thank you
for nice haiku, and welcome
to the message boards
Blushing at typos
Like the misspelling “Montfort”
Thought it sounded wrong!
Montfont? Maybe on
my Microsoft Word program
Download it today!
Would it be fancy?
Or so strange like ZapDingBats?
Montfont…what a font!
I got ill today
My bad nightmares turned to real
Too many cashews?
I woke up with cramps
This welf felt so light-headed
I tried to throw up
It wanted to stay
So my heaving came to naught
Trembling and sweating
I went back to bed
No school 'cause I woke at noon
Still feel quite lousy
Please don’t overeat
Too much of a good thing sucks
Especially cashews!
Oh, Welfy, my dear
Don’t worry about typos
I’d be a good font
Haiku thread dying
Why? Hard to write at three in
The morning, while drunk.
Off to bed I go
To dream, and try to sleep off
The Jagermeister.
I think putting crap
in your head pushes useful,
important shit, out.
Occam, your handle
is apt. Your razor sharp wit
has cut to the quick.
Thank you so much, guys
Now I think and talk this way
Counting on fingers
Thinking in haiku
Though loony, is almost like
Thinking in Spanish
Now my challenge is
English, Spanish, and haiku
All at the same time!
Big trip coming soon
No Straight Dope for fourteen days
Maybe I’ll stay gone
Una is sad and
Doesn’t want people to just
Think of her that way
Threatening e-mails
Don’t help her mood very much
Hard to ignore them
Nothing personal
I love most all of you guys
But I want to hide
Guess I’ll know after
The big trip ends - day fourteen
See if I post then
Or maybe Una
Is just sick today, and should
Not write anymore
Una hates being
Sick, and just wants it to end
Any way it can
Medea’s child flirts
with us underage young’uns,
you think I care much?
she has eyes of blue
but to me she is taboo
because she lives far.
Sad ////una\\ needs hugs
I hope Spider hugs will help.
Stay safe on your trip.
Laura
Una, please come back
Not posting here will make us
Miss you terribly.
Who is sending these
Threatening emails to you?
I will kick their butts.
I hope things work out
You know that if trouble comes
We’ll be here for you.
hugs
Ugh, college writing
Story 'about Costa Rica
I’m so sick of it.
Journal-entry type.
I was gone for fourteen days.
Seven days to go. :rolleyes:
I can’t remember
Half the things I did when there
'cept being homesick. 
I will make things up
Anyone want to help this welf?
I’ll give you chocolate! 
Um, I take that back.
There’s no chocolate in this house.
Sorry for lying.
The big 8-0-0!
I’m getting closer, dropzone!
Took me forever.
I was looking through
Really old doper postings
Why were we all guests?
SadisticWeasel
What happened to this strange dude?
He was a sharp one.
RangerJeff, Judy
They actually posted here too
And why not now, eh?
You posted twelve times
in the last fifteen minutes!
Catch me in no time.
…
Contractions are friends
to all us haiku writers.
They’ve saved me again!
…
Una, come back here
after your trip or from some
internet cafe.