Haikus about old people sex.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This week’s Comedy Goldmine feature on Something Awful is haikus about sex with old people. They are truly vile and clever. Do not read while eating cheese.

It probably goes without saying that you might not want to read these at work, either. It’d be tough to explain to the boss why you’re reading poems about octogenarian sex.

Here’s some gems:

Sex is like winter
I stop to breathe in the breeze
Grey pubes and talcum

How did I get here?
Why is cum in my Depends?
Who’re you? Where am I?

Creaking Craftmatic
Awash in leathery flesh
Smack your fragile head

There’s lots more. Enjoy. :smiley:

2

You are a dirty, dirty girl. :smiley:

3

Something tells me I’ve
Heard about old sex this week.
Your grandma gives head.

4

In, out, in, out, in.
Out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out,
In… okay, done now.

5

Ewww. Can’t we have more sheep haikus instead?

6

JThunder laments,
But old sheep can’t get it up
And Hal just likes lambs.

7

Wrinkled old penis
Head giving grandma at work
Now we go to sleep

8

Be gentle Grandpa
I don’t want to break my hip
On your aged rod

Hey there little girl
You won’t sit on Pappy’s lap
But Grammy sure does

Blessed Viagra
Granny loves to ride my shaft
Listen to her wheeze

Oh this is so wrong
But funny - oldsters fucking
In slow motion

I must stop this now
Before it gets even worse
How you doin’, Gramps?

9

I was just thinking –
I’d do Florence Henderson.
But would she do me?

10

A funny thing here
Grandpa sucking granny’s ear
While she snores soundly

11

Old man’s thin jism.
Very salty, with some spice -
Much like Grey Poupon.

So warm and squishy
Depends are my fantasy.
Oops, I crapped my pants!

12

A personal lube
Viagra, Vitamin E
Can’t do without them

13

Oh, God. I read about a page of the Goldmine today and had to look away. It takes a lot to make me uncomfortable, but that shit made me CRINGE.
I’m going to go take a shower now.

bleeeeughgawwgwhghwhgwhg

14

Hung Mung cannot deal
Picturing dry vagina
Soaked in wet old man

15

blarf

16

Rest Home Gigolo
Mabel, Marge, Edna, and Pearl
Alright, Whose got Next?

Fistfull of Blue Pills
Couple Cases of Ensure
It’s Party Time, Boys!

Home Alone, Press “Play”
OH! Mother Superior!!!
“Munch of the Penguins”

17

Disgustingly brilliant. :smiley:

18

That looks almost like
Grandfather eating ice cream.
Come on and get some!

19

Recoils in Disgust
Amazon Floozy Goddess
Yet, Strangely Aroused

20

Sexy old woman.
What’s that between her nipples?
Oh, it’s her navel.