Hands Free (tm) Phone Sex

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My lover recently bought a hands free ™ headset. He’s been hinting that it’s for phone sex. Having had one or two NORMAL conversations with him while he’s using this thing, I was inspired to write the following prediction of the future:

Hands Free ™ Phone Sex
A Pre-Enactment
So I walk into your office and start kissing you.
Uh-huh.
I’m kissing your face, and your neck, and your ears.
Oh, yeah.
Where else do you want me to kiss you?
My <static>
Your what?
My chest.
Oh ok. So I’m kissing your chest, and you’re moaning.
Mm-hmm.
I’m kissing a trail down your chest …
<static>
Oh sorry did you say something?
What?
Did you say something?
No. No, go on.
Well I’m kissing a trail down your chest and them I’m <static>
Hello? Hello are you still there?
Yes, I’m still here, I’m kissing your chest.
Pardon?
I’m kissing your chest and your stomach.
<static> I’m sorry, you’re kissing my what?
Your stomach! Your stomach!
Oh, yeah, that feels good when you do that. I like the way you <static>
You like it when I … do what?
When you use your teeth and your tongue. It makes me <static>
Are you touching yourself right now?
Pardon me?
Are you touching yourself right now?
I can’t hear you -
I said, ARE YOU TOUCHING YOURSELF?
Oh, oh yeah, I am. This is so good baby. Why don’t you <static>
Oh yeah, ok, what do you want me to do?
I want you to <static> please baby you know I need it …
Pardon me?
<static> You do it so well
Um, yeah, but you know -
Pardon me? Sorry I didn’t hear you.
You know I don’t think this hands-free thing is <static>
Pardon me? Are you touching yourself?
I think I better just <static>
Sorry, what?
Whatever. See you later. <static> <click> <static>
Pardon me? Hello? Hello? <static>

2

OMG! That is just TOO funny!

Cell-hell can really put a damper on those intimate phone moments… :smiley:

3

Who needs Hands Free ™ to get that effect? That happens to me when I’m using the cordless!

::blushing furiously::

4

:: bump ::

5

Just be sure to shut off any nearby “electronic devices” that may cause interference.

Oh wait…that actually defeats the purpose.

Try two tin cans and some string instead. :slight_smile:

6

Am I the only one who read the title and thought, “Hmm…if you don’t have to use your hands there must be some kind of device that you can mount…”? :smiley:

Very funny stuff, darlin. Though I must say that if I was having phone sex with somebody, I wouldn’t be so polite.
Instead of “pardon me?” at the end, it’s be “what? speak the $#*@ up!” :slight_smile:

7

Brunetter: Just let me know if you need a land line call. :slight_smile: No static there! :smiley: