Romantic partners are not cats. You don’t prove anything by getting a difficult one to like you. Your ex’s obsessions are neither about you nor his replacement squeeze; they’re about him, period.
To repeat a phrase: Be who you are. Period. Don’t devote a single synapse to worrying about “being the right person” in order to be more or less attractive. You do that, you’ll attract men who are interested in who you’re pretending to be. Be who you are and you’ll attract men who are interested in you.
For the record, addressing the original question, when I get even the slightest whiff of possible manipulation, I bail. I’m 37 and I have zero time for head games.
If the kind of guy you want is the kind of guy your ex-husband is, you should play hard to get.
Go back and read jackdavinci’s post again. I think he hit the nail on the head.
How you should act depends on what kind of guy you want.
I agree with the very first response you got: this reminds me of the threads: “I’m a nice guy, but women prefer jerks.” And one kind of response those complaints get applies here too: Yes, some women do prefer jerks. That’s because they have issues. You don’t want these women.
And, personally, if you make it hard for me, I’ll assume you’re not all that interested and go find someone else who’s easier. That’s because, to the extent that dating and meeting people is a game, it’s not one I’m very good at, and I have a hard enough time with the “easy” ones.
Now, if we get to the point where we have a relationship that has gone beyond a couple of casual dates, and I know you are something special, I will indeed “fight” for you. But I won’t assume you’re special just because I have to fight for you.
At the time you posted this you had 14 responses, only 2 of which were about your attractiveness. Yet those are the only responses that you’ve bothered to acknowledge, and have somehow turned into what you “just keep getting.” Maybe you have bigger issues than whether you should play hard-to-get.
Guys do this too. It just pisses me off. Friend introduces me to a guy a few weeks back, we chat on the phone and online blah blah blah. I suggest we go to a movie, he agrees to a night a few days hence, saying he’ll call when he gets off work (has his own business, construction and it’s busy season so not expecting an early call). No call. Calls the next day, says he’s sorry gives a plausible excuse and suggests the following day. I agree. He blows me off again.
We haven’t talked since. I don’t date much, and I’ll be the first say I’m inexperienced in the ways of dating but I am not inexperienced in the ways of being jerked around and I’m not going back there. I’m willing to meet halfway, but I’m not going to sit by the phone for scraps. I did that too much before, and it just got me burned.
I’ve pretty much decided I’m better off staying single indefinitely.
I value a woman who likes and values me. (And who has inherent qualities that make her valuable, like a good heart, a good mind, and good character.)
If she was hard to get, I would think she didn’t like or want me that much, and if I did end up winning her, it was only because I wore her down, not because she really wanted to be with me.
If she was too “easy,” in the sense of acting very eager before really getting to know me, I might suspect she was needy or hated being alone and just wanted a man, any man, or that her attraction to me was some sort of groundless infatuation that would disappear once she got to know the “real me.” But this doesn’t sound like the kind of behavior the OP is talking about.
I agree with a lot of the guys who say to ditch the games. If I ask you out, it means I like you. If you like me, say yes. Then we’ll go out and see if we click. Don’t make me “work for it”.
