[QUOTE=kittenblue]
But to get a woman like HER to commit to him…well, that just proved his manhood.
[/QUOTE]
Romantic partners are not cats. You don’t prove anything by getting a difficult one to like you. Your ex’s obsessions are neither about you nor his replacement squeeze; they’re about him, period.
To repeat a phrase: Be who you are. Period. Don’t devote a single synapse to worrying about “being the right person” in order to be more or less attractive. You do that, you’ll attract men who are interested in who you’re pretending to be. Be who you are and you’ll attract men who are interested in you.
For the record, addressing the original question, when I get even the slightest whiff of possible manipulation, I bail. I’m 37 and I have zero time for head games.
[QUOTE=kittenblue]
And now, to give another personal example…I once asked my ex why the woman he dumped me for was so much more alluring to him than me, the woman who fell in love with him right away (and for the record, he asked me to marry him on the third date…I guess I was hot once!). Now this was a woman who was “dating” other guys at the same as she was dating my ex, sometimes making my ex wait until another guy left before he could come over. He would be in agony if she wouldn’t see him. He would get insanely jealous and drive around trying to find her if she went out on her own. Yes, he was disturbed! He would do anything for her. And he told me that all that agony over her playing hard to get just made him more determined to impress her so that she would pick him over all those other guys, because then he would feel like a better man because she chose him. (He’s always had some issues about being thought of as somehow less of a man because he’s only 5’3") He was never jealous of me, or concerned about where I was if I didn’t come home on time, because he knew I would never cheat on him because I “just wasn’t that kind of a woman”. Because he knew he could trust me, he knew he wouldn’t be proving anything to anyone by having me. But to get a woman like HER to commit to him…well, that just proved his manhood.
Which, in this case, agrees with the statement, that men only value things they have to work for.
[/QUOTE]
If the kind of guy you want is the kind of guy your ex-husband is, you should play hard to get.
Go back and read jackdavinci’s post again. I think he hit the nail on the head.
How you should act depends on what kind of guy you want.
I agree with the very first response you got: this reminds me of the threads: “I’m a nice guy, but women prefer jerks.” And one kind of response those complaints get applies here too: Yes, some women do prefer jerks. That’s because they have issues. You don’t want these women.
And, personally, if you make it hard for me, I’ll assume you’re not all that interested and go find someone else who’s easier. That’s because, to the extent that dating and meeting people is a game, it’s not one I’m very good at, and I have a hard enough time with the “easy” ones.
Now, if we get to the point where we have a relationship that has gone beyond a couple of casual dates, and I know you are something special, I will indeed “fight” for you. But I won’t assume you’re special just because I have to fight for you.
[QUOTE=kittenblue]
I ask for opinions on a simple question and I just keep getting people telling me I’m not attractive enough to keep a man!
[/QUOTE]
At the time you posted this you had 14 responses, only 2 of which were about your attractiveness. Yet those are the only responses that you’ve bothered to acknowledge, and have somehow turned into what you “just keep getting.” Maybe you have bigger issues than whether you should play hard-to-get.
[QUOTE=HowieReynolds]
The one thing I absolutely will not put up with is flaking. Say you’re busy all you want, but if you make a date you better damn well keep it. It’s amazing how often girls will flake out. I’m sure it is legitmate sometimes, but most of the time it has to be some sort of game being played for some reason I can’t fathom. Maybe it “works” on lots of guys though, I definitely don’t claim to be representative of the entire male population.
[/QUOTE]
Guys do this too. It just pisses me off. Friend introduces me to a guy a few weeks back, we chat on the phone and online blah blah blah. I suggest we go to a movie, he agrees to a night a few days hence, saying he’ll call when he gets off work (has his own business, construction and it’s busy season so not expecting an early call). No call. Calls the next day, says he’s sorry gives a plausible excuse and suggests the following day. I agree. He blows me off again.
We haven’t talked since. I don’t date much, and I’ll be the first say I’m inexperienced in the ways of dating but I am not inexperienced in the ways of being jerked around and I’m not going back there. I’m willing to meet halfway, but I’m not going to sit by the phone for scraps. I did that too much before, and it just got me burned.
I’ve pretty much decided I’m better off staying single indefinitely.
[QUOTE=kittenblue]
…I try to have a bit more respect for a man’s intelligence and motives…
[/QUOTE]
There’s your problem.
[QUOTE=kittenblue]
I just want to know if men only value things they have to work hard to get, in this respect.
[/QUOTE]
To say a bit more about this:
I value a woman who likes and values me. (And who has inherent qualities that make her valuable, like a good heart, a good mind, and good character.)
If she was hard to get, I would think she didn’t like or want me that much, and if I did end up winning her, it was only because I wore her down, not because she really wanted to be with me.
If she was too “easy,” in the sense of acting very eager before really getting to know me, I might suspect she was needy or hated being alone and just wanted a man, any man, or that her attraction to me was some sort of groundless infatuation that would disappear once she got to know the “real me.” But this doesn’t sound like the kind of behavior the OP is talking about.
I agree with a lot of the guys who say to ditch the games. If I ask you out, it means I like you. If you like me, say yes. Then we’ll go out and see if we click. Don’t make me “work for it”.