A thief in Iowa City stole a $250 “Mega Masturbator” doll from a sex shop at 3 a.m. and fled. Entertainingly, the police released a security camera photo to the public to help identify him. The images on the doll’s box were pixilated, though, so Iowans who see a man carrying a blow-up doll won’t know if it’s the right one.
Who knew that Iowa had sex shops? All-night sex shops, for that matter. And if any of you reading this have ever mega-masturbated, please let us all know what that’s like.
(Story here, possibly NSFW. The Smoking Gun link therein is definitely NSFW.)
The linked article also has a roundup of recent sex shop robberies from around the country, including the theft of an $800 deluxe model of the Mega Masturbator where the thieves, um, busted the rear door.
Notably, the HuffPo has a tag for “Mega Masturbator,” so you can search out all stories where that’s featured.
Hahaha oh man, my favorite quote from that article (about another sextoy thief):
“The perp allegedly used a stolen tractor to open up the rear doors of the shop and steal the toy, then escaped apprehension when cops found him down the road.”
How does a guy escape apprehension on a tractor? :D:D
That’s the original Fuck Me Silly™ mega masturbator, yeah. It’s a classic, but a little basic for some tastes.
If you’re looking for more than that, you could go upmarket with the Fuck Me Silly 2™, which is the whole front of the torso. Or perhaps you’d prefer the Fuck Me Silly 3™, which is the entire below-the-waist area, including the legs.
I completely thought you were making this up for laughs until I read the Smoking Gun story. I seriously cannot read these words without giggling helplessly.
And I’m sorry, but if you can’t control yourself, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave: you’re making some of our customers self-conscious.
The last toy mentioned is evidently “a replica of a woman from the waist down” - you mean, like, it cuts off at the waist? It has feet and legs but just stops at the waist? Is that not amazingly creepy?
