Like heroin before a junkie, I tell you! Sure I can resist the Chocolate Covered Oregon Hazelnuts. I can even forego the Moose Munch. Feh!, I say, to the various (and nefarious) gummy, sour, gooies.
But this time you’ve gone too far!! Aye, I’m weak for malted milk balls. Likewise for the perfect pairing of peanut butter and chocolate. But combining all of this for the Peanut Butter Malted Milk Balls is just too damn much!!!
If the chocolate-peanut butter ratio were not perfect, if the malted center were not of the optimal size, if the layering of chocolate were not so amazingly smooth perhaps I could give a hearty “nay” to these morsels and turn my nose towards more healthy noshes - say dried fruit bits. But, damn thee, all is combined to create the perfect treat. The chocolate and peanut butter dance in a creamy mix of melodies, when suddenly the crunchy center bursts its way into the senses, demanding to be experienced. All flavers and consistencies creating wonderous harmonies, rendering the poor sap who dares to taste one helpless.
“Certainly,” you tempt, “you can eat one and put the rest away for later?” NEVER! Although I’ll grant you that I did, in deed, “put the rest away”, as it were.
What you do, and what you did to me has no place in a civilized society. Your wonton disregard for my health will not go unpublished.
I curse you!
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