Hey, I’m a Senators fan. I have reason to cry every spring.
Got a little dewy-eyed, yes. Frequently. All-out bawling? I don’t think so; I haven’t had anything happen to me recently that requires that. I do tend to get a little misty at mushy movies and things, though.
No personal disrespect intended to the author of the OP, but I find the fact that such a question was asked at all in these more enlightened times profoundly sad and more than a little pathetic. If there are so few occasions for tears of grief, sadness, joy, beauty, and sublimity in your life that you can somehow avoid crying in front of your SO, then your life is empty and meaningless indeed, and you have my pity.
I think under those conditions therapy would be advised.
I agree with everything you said up to the point where you you said:
While I think that men being able to cry should be more socially acceptable, you are totally missing the point. Some people can control their tears, and it has nothing to do with the “grief, sadness, joy, beauty, and sublimity” that they have witnessed.
You couldn’t have said “There are plenty of things in life that can and will make someone cry, embrace those things”?
No.
You went right to casting aspersions. I’m not going to PbP that post, because it’s not really worth it. Disagree with me all you want. Make judgments about people when you have the authority. If you cry about this, I guess it’s ok. You seem to be aggressively supporting the right to cry.
dnooman, I’m genuinely sorry if I offended you. That was most emphatically not my intent. I don’t know how to depersonalize the issue better than writing, as I did, “No personal disrespect intended to the author of the OP…” I’m open to your suggestions, though.
But I’m afraid that I have to stick with my position for the wider, external population, (excluding yourself and other posters to this thread). I can control my tears, too. I was taught that “big boys don’t cry”, just like just about all other Western boys. I was socialized in midwest America to put up a thoroughly masculine face at all times like most others. In fact, since I was gay and was incredibly desperate to hide that fact from everyone, I made it a point to act more masculine than the average guy. So I readily understand and even share the desire to hide one’s tears from others.
But to hide them from your significant others? Sure we can, but why on earth would we?! Why bury your emotions and hide your tears of grief, sadness, joy, beauty, and sublimity from your S.O. of all people?
This has nothing to do with any “right to cry”. This is about the pofound sadness I feel about anyone whose life is so lacking in “grief, sadness, joy, beauty, and sublimity” in their lives that they’re able and willing to control their tears in front of their S.O.
It’s just very sad and pathos-inducing (i.e., which is what I mean and meant when I used the word “pathetic”) to me. I can’t apologize for that feeling.
I find that men of my husband’s generation (he is 38) were still brought up in such a way that it is uncomfortable for them to openly exhibit certain emotions, even in front of their SO. Maybe it’s not that they don’t want to, but that after so many stifling years, they don’t know how.
Opening yourself up emotionally to another person is a dangerous business. Vulnerability is scary. Plenty of people aren’t as comfortable with it as they would like to be.
Don’t know how? What’s there to know?
My 75 year old “rock” of a dad and I were both “brought up in such a way that it is uncomfortable for them to openly exhibit certain emotions” and were never “taught” how to reveal emotions. But while I’ve only seen my father cry once (at his 7 year old grandson’s death), my mother says that he’s done so on several occasions in front of her, such as when he learned she was pregnant, when she’s been near death, and in other emotionally moving events, such as when they’ve both been deeply moved by religious, family, or aesthetic events.
No one requires knowledge of “how to show emotions”. This is all about irrational fear and believing the macho bullshit that “big boys don’t cry”. It’s deliberate, fierce emotional repression. In my opinion, that’s a sign of a somewhat damaged psyche, not a lack of knowledge or experience.
Nope. I haven’t cried since I was nine years old, and even then I think I faked it, because my mom had just brought me bad news and was looking like me expecting me to react appropriately.
I heard an interview with a WW2 vet on the radio the other day (that damned violin) that did manage to give me that pre-cry feeling I remember , that strange behind-the-eyes twitch with a little extra moisture, but no tears.
I don’t really think about it. I’m generally a very laid back and happy person. Despite what ambushed might think, my life doesn’t feel empty or meaningless. Feel free to armchair psychoanalyze the guy on the internet more, though.
Of course I’ve cried in front of my wife (and with my wife, and about my wife). I’m not overly emotional, but I’m also not the kind that feels the need to contain it.
It’s been a rough year, so yes. A friend of mine died last July, I cried in front of my girlfriend at least a couple of times. My youngest brother was diagnosed with a brain tumor in December, and was rarely conscious from the end of January through mid-March as he recovered from the 12 or 15 operations he had. Oh, and there was one time I cried sort of out of nowhere about my old family dog.
A bit of a stretch/tangent from the OP, and I’m not the target poster (being a woman), but I’ve noticed through the years that I’ve inherited the same “welling up” behavior while watching TV and movies that I noticed my Dad exhibit while I was growing up. I never really noticed the similarity until after he had passed away. Now I think of him every time it happens, which is often. My eyes brim and shine, and my voice gets rough. Just like dear old Dad. Usually it passes in a moment, but it is pretty much uncontrollable at any poignant point in whatever I’m watching. Interestingly, I’ve never cried while reading a book, that I can recall.
My mother on the other hand, has cried maybe 5 times in my presence my entire life. I turn 33 next Monday. I was always much closer emotionally to my Mom. She may not be a crier, but she was always much more emotionally available to me, which is why I find the observation that I have one of my Dad’s emotional responses so interesting.
But then it wouldn’t to some arbitrary person incapable of feeling and expressing any deeply moving emotions.
I’m not “psychoanalyzing” anyone. For one thing, I don’t believe in psychoanalysis, and I’m not referring to any specific individual in the first place. But the inability to cry is a symptom of Mental Illness or Brain Disorder. It is my belief and strong opinion that anyone who can’t or won’t cry in front of their S.O. should consult a mental health professional if for no other reason than to ensure that they’re not suffering from some kind of mental illness.
Yet you feel it is your place to recommend mental health consultations?
I am capable of, and have cried in front of my SO, as the OP says, but I find your analysis to be painting with a rather wide brush. I agree that if one can’t cry in front of their SO, then they are not likely to do so in other cases. However, your notion that being disinclined to cry, means that one needs to seek mental health care, seems absurd to me.
Unless I’m mistaken, you lack any credentials to diagnose anyone’s behavior online, and even if you did, it wouldn’t be a best practice.
I’m an advocate of displaying any and all emotions in a secure relationship, yet this is not the popular norm. By your definitions, most men need to seek mental health care. It’s fine to feel strongly about the need to cry when the mood comes, but you need to stop short when you start diagnosing the public sans credentials.
It is everyone’s place to suggest such consultations to the non-specific, non-individual, generic person who exhibits a symptom of any non-trivial illness, even if only to make sure the generic individual has nothing to worry about. I’ve seen exactly that many, many times on the SDMB.
Then it’s a good thing I never said anything like that.
Then it’s a good thing I never did anything like that.
Then it’s a good thing I never did anything like that.
If it were anyone but yourself or anyone posting in this thread, I just might say that that generic person doth protest too much, methinks.
Oh, I don’t doubt that my behavior is abnormal and my empathy levels are lower than the average person, perhaps by a good bit. But I feel happy, and that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?
Well, I, personally, would have a hard time arguing against that. After all, if the specific generic person doesn’t feel it’s a problem, I doubt a counselor would attempt to treat such a person.
But on the other hand (and I cannot stress strongly enough that I am NOT referring to yourself or any other poster to this thread), a sociopath or psychopath is perfectly happy the way they are and wouldn’t feel the need for counseling, either, though they most definitely need it anyway.
I’m a gay man who’s been in a relationship for almost four years. I broke down in front of my boyfriend when I got a phone call from my mom who had just been transferred to a nursing home. He was very sweet about it but I felt very strange and vulnerable. I’m not sure how easy it would be to do it again. Guy emotions are so weird.
This is awesome. 
My husband, who I have known for 6 years, has never cried while I have known him. He hasn’t had a reason to because [knock on wood] nothing bad has happened to any of his family or friends during that time. I asked him once if he had ever cried, and he said that before he met me he had cried himself to sleep a few times because he was single and lonely. In genergal, though, I think it would take a lot to make him cry because he is one of those men who would rather joke about something rather than show his emotions.
I’m a woman and I cry quite a lot, but I also can’t cry in front of other people. The presence of other people is enough to stifle any tears automatically - I don’t think about it, it just happens. I can cry in front of my sister and husband, but even in front of them, it happens almost accidentally and I stop it as soon as I can because I can see that it upsets them.
Yeah. About 18 years ago. Whenever “Cinema Paradiso” came out. We’d been together a few years and I’d not cried in all of that time. The end of the film comes and I realized what was about to happen:
The box was fill of spools of film with all of the excised kisses spliced together.
I started crying. My new ( and exceedingly unkind ) wife said sotto voce,
" Hey! Are you crying?? You never cry- and now you are crying at a movie??? "
The entire theatre was filled, and dead silent, and she went on and on to our friends about how I never cried before in front of her. It was awful. :mad:
Fast forward ahead to now. I’ve cried a hell of a lot in the last month, plenty in front of her. The marriage is over and we are separating. Only difference is now she isn’t making a big deal over the tears…
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