In one thread, Ike has admitted to “accidentally” peeing on Mr. T (or did he tea on Mr. Pee?). Then Rocketeer, in another thread, requested that someone pee on Bob Saget’s leg for him. I of course volunteered Ike’s services.
Then it occured to me—as a family man with a wife, kiddies and mortgage to support, Ukulele Ike could no doubt use a second income. You know, “peelance” work. So how’s about if we pay him a set rate—I dunno, fifty bucks?—to pee on celebrities? Of course, we would have to pay for transportation, bail, hospital bills, etc., too.
Since I just renewed my angst about Keanu Reeves’ fame, I’ll pay 50 bucks for Ike to pee on him. But the pee has to land on Keanu’s upper trousers, making it look like he peed his pants! Hee hee!
Jennifer Lopez. But if you try to make me pay for it, I’ll deny all knowledge. And then I’d pee on you. (What can I say? I’m a very poor student, $50 is like half my budget for the rest of the month. Come to think of it, I’ll volunteer to pee on any European celebrities. For a fee, of course.)
I am offering you One Hundred Buckos Americanos. In return, you shall pee on the head of Ringo Star whilst exclaiming: “You fuckin’ hack, you only made the Big League because you had the right friends in high school! Take THIS, you third-rate Porn Flick Sound Track Percussionist!”
Ike, would you please piss on Adam Sandler’s head for me? I’d gladly pay the $50. If you could video-record it for me, I’d be ever so thankful. I could make an endless loop of that scene and watch it over and over and over and over…
That would be pure joy
(If I could afford it, I would have you piss on him for every movie he’s ever made, plus every time I’ve had to listen to some idiot describe a scene from one of his films, and then insist that it’s funny. I can’t stand that guy!)
Please pee on Kathie Lee Gifford, Ike. Preferably while she’s singing. I don’t have any money, but I’ll offer you all of the oreos in my lunch and half of my capri sun.
If The Kath is too hard to get to, I’ll accept Celine Dion in a pinch.
Ike, please pee on Brad Pitt for me. I’d gladly pay $50 to see his pretty-boy, look-at-me-I’m-too-sexy-for-this-universe attitude get dampened for a moment.
If you manage to get some whiz on his pet monkey Jennifer Aniston, I’ll buy you a pitcher next time I’m in New York.
Ike,
I’ll buy you a case of you favorite brew and give you ten crispy, fresh from the mint ten dollar bills if you will turn your firehose on Celine Dion. OF course the force of your urine would probably throw her bony ass through a wall but I can dream:)
Hopefully you’ll hit her just as she’s whcking herself in the chest…
The Tilly sisters. Jennifer, Meg and any other whey-faced-reed-voiced-discredit-to-the-SAG-still-have-to-get-their-mom-to-tie-their-
shoes-for-them-50-cent-Betty-Boop-ripoff siblings or offspring they might have.
- Coldfire