I guess this is the right forum, since this question is rather poll-ish.
Have you ever been separated from your spouse? What was it like? Did it help? How long were you separated? Was it legal, or by mutual agreement? What did you learn from it? Is it just putting off the inevitable?
Input would be great. As you can see, I have a lot of questions about this. I have no one IRL to ask.
sigh I’m posting to my own thread to bump it back up in line. I need some info…
bwk,
Yes the LIONsob have been seperated. The last and longest time was for a year and a half , 14/15 years ago. (We have been married for right at 23 years now.)
It wasn’t by mutual consent, he just walked. You can’t make someone stay. At first I made all the wrong moves, cried ,begged, blah, blah , blah. This did not help. It wasn’t until I started to have intrest apart from getting him to come back, and started acting in a way he would never have believed I could act if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes. I wished him and his friend every happiness (even though it almost choked me to do so) and made sure I was at least civil most of the time, that he started to look at things differently. And that helped me to understand that while I love him and want to be with him, I can live without him.
In someways it did help us to grow a bit as people in our own right. ANd it helped us see how much we missed one another when we were apart.
All relationships take work, when the butterflys and goosebumps wear off there better be some love there or things won’t work. It is easy to say I love him/her because ___________ , it is much harder to say I love him/her despite ___________________.
Trial seperations can help some people, but absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder, sometimes it can turn into out of sight out of mind. And sometimes one or both people discover that they are just happier apart.
You don’t give any details here, so all I had to draw on is what I experianced. You aren’t me and your SO/Spouse isn’t my husband though. I hope an outcome is reached that will make all involved happy and at peace.
Change, any change can be hard, but sometimes great things come from change.
Please forgive the spelling and typos, it’s vey tired and I’m very late.
Yes, bwk. I’ve been separated.
What was it like? It’s hard to explain, bwk. It’s something I should probably (and am offering to) take to email - the rest of the board is no doubt totally uninterested in my trials and tribulations with my ex’s. 
Legal? No, not by the court’s definition, but I suppose it wasn’t by mutual consent, either. See above. Here’s another smiley face.
What did I learn and was it just putting off the inevitable? In my case, yes. It was just putting off the inevitable, and yes, that’s what I learned from it. Sorry if I sound like I’m not making sense (big surprise THERE huh!) but it’s a very long story, and would better be served by email.
bwk, if you want to “talk”, really, email me and I’ll be happy to share my experiences with you. And hey, it sounds like you may be contemplating something similar - as am I right now. So, we can at least commiserate!
::raises hand::
Yeah, I’m separated. My wife cheated on me about three years ago. She now lives with her boyfriend, and I get to raise our son. Bitter and cynical? Yup, but it gets a little easier every day.
I don’t see us ever getting back together. When you are cheated on, it’s a real kick in the teeth. Once the trust is broken, forget it. Once a cheat, always a cheat. I’m just getting to the point where I can trust people again. For a long time I didn’t trust anyone.
My goal for next year is to hire a lawyer so I can finally get divorced and get child support.
My $.02
YMMV
I was separated once, several years ago. My husband was a doctor (probably still is) and I was in law school. After one year of law school, he said I could finish law school or stay married to him but I couldn’t do both. We separated for a few months, he moved back in and we tried for another few months, but he still couldn’t deal with the time school was taking away from him. So, in my case, it was postponing the inevitable.
I think the question of whether it "helps" depends on the reason for your separation. If one if you is in a relationship with someone else and wants to see how it plays out, it may be the thing to do (if the other can accept it), because odds are that the other relationship won't last. If you truly are "practicing" tp be divorced, though, you're probably ready to file papers.yes, I was separated for a couple of months, got back together briefly, now am divorced, so in my case it was prolonging the inevetible.
However. Each situation is very very different. If BOTH parties want to work on the marriage, it can make a difference. If only one is committed to keeping the marriage, then there’s nothing that you can do.
what is it in your case? I suspect you would have more information than us.
In any event, is it ALWAYS true that seperation = soon to be divorced? no.
Yes, I’m currently separated from my wife. We’ve been separated now since July; we had a previous separation between last June and this January. Considering we’ve been married only 2 1/2 years, this is not a good track record for a marriage.
Although we’re separated by choice, the law is going to intrude on us soon. I’m a US citizen living in the UK–at present my visa is dependent upon me living with my wife, which obviously isn’t happening now. Because of this, and since my wife and are aren’t getting along any better, I’m moving back to the US on 22 December. I expect to be there at least six months, and then my wife and I are going to decide whether to try again. At present I don’t believe that she wants to try again, so it looks like this will be a permanent situation.
I don’t want to go too much into detail about why we’ve separated; suffice it to say that I have had mental health problems over the past 2 years, and though I’ve started to recover it is not easy for my wife to handle. It’s a real shame because we did love each other, and I still do love my wife, but I think this separation may just be “putting off the inevitable.”
Don’t know if this helps, but, hey, it’s a poll, right?
My hub and I were seperated for about three weeks. I walked. It was VERY complicated and messy, both the walkout AND the reasons behind it. We got back together and talked a LOT. Now, over four years later, we are FAR closer than we were and trust each other a lot more than when it happened, and I don’t think we would BE this close if it hadn’t…but it still hurt like hell while it was happening.
Oh, I thought this thread was about dismemberment.
First, I want to say thank you to everyone who has posted so far. And I am so sorry about some of your experiences.
In this case, there is no one else for either person. It is more of each person needing to be in a different location – because of family and work concerns. It will be difficult to be apart for both.
There are some deeply-rooted problems in the relationship, though.
I really appreciate all of the responses. Well, except the one about dismemberment, but I was expecting at least one like that.
I know every situation is different, but it helps to read how others feel and how they have handled this situation.
well me and relic_11 have been separated for a month now and we will be separated for the next three years due to the fact im in the navy and she is in school we have been dealing with this separation by talking as much as possible on the phone and writing letters when we have time. as far as i know it hasnt been that bad as of yet but for each person it can be different. so good luck and if you are in love you will make it no matter how many problem there might be.
good luck
david