Sadness for my friends

I just got word that they have separated.

It’s not a surprise – we knew they had been having problems, but we hoped they were working them out.

There is a child involved (hers but not his, although he loves the child dearly and vice versa).

Due to circumstances, they must still live together – although in a few weeks he will be able to move into a separate part of the house.

This is so sad. They are both warm, wonderful people, and at their best I think they are very good for each other. And they love each other (both have said so), but at the same time . . . It seems that at the moment they just have too many issues – separately and together, past and present – and they need time apart to work them out. And a multitude of mundane everyday problems (and a few not so mundane) have not been helping.

We were all going to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas together. Now, who knows?

What’s that saying about how being a fool, and knowing that you are a fool, is better than being a fool and not knowing it? I count myself lucky and grateful that I have never been in the situation where I was supremely uncomfortable being around The One person in my life, loving him and not loving him at the same time, not knowing what to say, being an unhappy adult in my own home. It must be just dreadful. And it’s more sorrow and stress than these two sweet people deserve.

God, I hope they can find their way to a better place, whether separately or together. My private hope is together, but it’s their row to hoe, not mine. I can only send them my love and support, and watch and hope and wait.

I know how you feel, Scarlett. My best friend just got back together with her husband. They were separated for a year (required in SC for divorce) and at the last minute decided to try to work it out again. I can’t say that I have a positive feeling about it, because I think they would be better off apart, but all I can do is hope and support them.

It’s a sticky situation when it’s your friend, because you want to support her/him, but when you’re friends with both people in the couple, it’s darn near impossible to even think about it.

I hope your friends come to an amicable decision soon.

Hmmm, I see that this thread had only one response originally (thank you, Skerri), but even so I think I’ll post here again instead of opening a new thread . . .

Well, it’s over. I just got an e-mail from her that a divorce is definitely in the works. He will return to his native country, so we likely won’t see him much again, if ever.

The last few months have been hell for them, and their ragged edges were definitely showing. I feel such sadness for them, but also more than a little relief. Mr. S and I have been discussing their situation, and once we realized that the relationship was truly going south, we hoped it would go quickly. And so it has.

We will see her next weekend. She has some big hugs coming. I hope this decision will bring all of them peace.

Thanks for listening.

I am very sorry to hear this Scarlett, however you still never know. I personally have been in this situation, and I know that no matter how much you love someone, sometimes it’s not enough and it’s not meant to be. Good luck to your friends. I hope they both wind up truly happy. I still don’t know what happy means for me and my divorce was nearly 1 year ago and we were separated 6 months prior to the divorce. Because he is going to another country, perhaps your friend can truly have real closure. My ex-husband and I had to see each other occasionally due to work. Give her alot of support even if she seems to be coping well. Sometimes it may seem as if everything is fine and deep down she is lonely and hurt over the entire ordeal.

This is certainly not meant as a hijack but http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164129]here’s the latest in my personal saga. Just goes to show you, sometimes you need time apart for awhile and sometimes for good. We’re still talking and moving forward, however this time it’s at a snail’s pace!!! But I can tell you, for the time we were separated it was for the best, and for your friends, it may be for the best. I did lose a very close friend because of this. Our husbands were very close, and I simply didn’t feel as comfortable visiting her, because I never knew when my ex would drop by. We grew apart. Your friend is very lucky to someone so concerned about her.

ARRGGHH…

Here’s a correct link.

Ah, yes. I have been following some of the separation/divorce threads with a bit more interest lately. Thanks for the link, Lyra.

But I think this is definitely over. We found out along the course of all this that these two really got married for the wrong reasons. And unfortunately we’ve observed a few nasty fights firsthand. Not pretty. Last fall I had held out hope that their counseling would help them. But I think they’re about counseled out. They had no kids together and very little property, so I think the legal stuff will go smoothly. But still. :frowning:

As for her putting on a good front, she lets us know when she’s down, which is a good thing. We’re a bit “safer” than her other friends (and she has lots of those, which is good) because we live a few hours away, and so she can let it hang out a bit more with us. There have been more than a few instances of her crying on Mr. S’s shoulder throughout all this. (She seems to have a real connection to him – he’s always been very tuned in to women. I don’t mind sharing him with my friends who need it now and then. If only I could clone him and pass out a few of the copies!) There may well be a few more crying jags. That’s what we’re here for.

She has a wonderful elderly friend, local to her, who was there for her several years ago and is stepping up to the plate now to help support her. He’s a really wonderful gift in her life, and we’re grateful that she has him.

As for the husband, who knows? We did meet him through her when they were already engaged, and grew to enjoy his friendship too. It may well end up being reduced to the occasional e-mail.

Damn. I know it’s often for the better, but divorce still sucks. :frowning: