You catch someone bending over near you out of the corner of your eye, do the ol’ neck swivel to get a good long view of her ass…
and it’s * a guy. *
shudder *
Almost as bad as being in the local bar and seriously skanking out on the nice ass that just walked by, only to realize that it was your MOTHER.
“My eyes! My eyes!” indeed.
I am happy to say that since finding TLOML (see my other thread), I am completely oblivious to other females. However, due no doubt to some programming code written in male genetics, I can no more ignore a chick bending over than I can not pull my hand away from hot water…
Can’t say that I’ve done that but a good friend of mine had something similar happen to him. We saw this person walking out of a pizza shop and my friend said “DAMN!” and then yelled “Hey baby!” only to realize a split second later that it was a guy.
That was about 6 years ago and it still brings a smile to my face thinking about it :D.
My daughter’s school held a skating party. We all went, and I’m skating around on roller skates for the first time in (mumble mumble) years, when my son goes skating by with a friend. He has this grin on his face, which morphs into this horrorfied grimace.
Turns out my 13 year old son and his friend were checking out that fine looking ass on the chick up in front of them…I had quite a disgusting little shiver out of that one.
Cisco, that reminds me of a time in a Japanese restaurant about three years ago. We were in a bar/restaurant, about three guys. Were running short on beers, so the guy nearest the kitchen yelled out to the waiter who was standing with his back towards us at the pick-up window - “Hey, dude, three more cold ones here”.
No reponse.
“Hey, dude, over here-another round”
No response.
We start chuckling, because we realized what he didn’t realize until he turned around - of course he was a (short-haired, flat-chested) she.
Boy, did he want to just crawl up some hole and die <g>
I can usually discern the buttocks of a male from those of a female pretty easily. The problem I run into most often is when I see a guy with long hair and mistake him for a woman (cue up Aerosmith “Dude Looks Like a Lady”). Usually a quick glance at the ass will confirm my disappointment (and disgust).
Semi-related story. One time I was with a friend and we were stopped at a red light, first car at the crosswalk, so we had a good view of the convertible stopped in the opposing lanes across from us. He said, “check out those babes over there!” At first we thought they were female, but a closer look determined that they were really two long-haired guys. Boy, was that ever an adrenaline rush gone to waste!
Guys may also appreciate this - seeing a hot looking chick from behind - you know, short skirt, great legs, long hair - doing the ‘quick walk’ thing to pull up along side her (still trying to look nonchalant), sneaking a glance over…
and seeing the face of a woman who can’t be a day under 50…
I got this in Japan quite a lot, because even ladies under 50 are still very slim, and seemed to like dressing like they were 20. You had to be very careful doing the ‘catch up quick walk’ thing, or you could seriously lose your lunch…
Once when I was in college my friend Marty lost a bet and had to go out to the bars dressed up as a girl. You have to understand that Marty was about 5’4" and had long wavy strawberry-blond hair (think Eric Stoltz inMask), a perennial face full of stubble, a severe pizza face, and square, metal, masculine-looking glasses. He left all that stuff the same, but dressed in a cute little miniskirt number, tights, flat shoes. No makeup or other subterfuge, although he might have had a bit of jewelry. But no sane person would have mistaken him for a woman.
Anyway, he goes out, his friends have a laugh and buy him a beer. The evening progresses, and pretty soon he’s got this guy (who’s got an obvious assful) hitting on him – stroking his arm, “Hey, baby, why don’t you come home with me,” etc. Marty let him go on for a bit and finally spilled the beans: “Hey, dude: I’m a GUY.” I guess the guy lost his beer goggles PDQ.
After that, Marty’s theme song was “Dude Looks Like a Lady.”
OK, I can understand the shock of finding out it was a relative, but what on earth is wrong with just saying “wow, for someone over fifty, she’s sure got a nice ass!” and maybe giving the lady a smile. There’s nothing to oog out over in that.
Gravity, when the heart is expecting ‘low twenties’ and the eyes see ‘senior citizen, or close to it’… I mean, the shock is just too much.
Let me say, of course, that in my pre-LOML days, nothing would stop me from enjoying a nice ass on anybody, aged 20, 100, or anywhere in between - if I had an idea ahead of time… it isn’t the age, it’s the ‘expectations’ vs ‘reality’ gap…
I’m gay. One day I was in line in the grocery store and the guy in front of me was really cute, and I was pretty sure that he was gay, too. I was having naughty thoughts about him, and trying to think of some clever chit-chat in which to engage him, when he produced his credit card and . . .
. . .You see this coming, don’t you?
“He” was a lesbian.
Well, at least I was right about the sexual persuasion. Sigh!
Honestly, I can tell boys from girls 99.9999987% of the time. That’s never happened to me before or since.
I’ve never mistaken an ass of a guy for the ass of a girl.
But I have, as others mentioned, saw a long haired guy, and at first glance thought it was a girl, then all the sudden, I’d look again, shudder, and try to continue with my day like nothing had happened.
But for the next two hours, I’d be thinking, “I can’t believe that was a dude! Ewww!”
Eh. My mum’s best friend is over 50 and has a great body. Works damn hard at it, too. She also doesn’t look like she should be thinking of retirement any time soon. 50 really isn’t that old!
I need to second what Dragon Ash said about Japanese ladies…the same thing happened to me in Korea all the time…I’d be strutting behind some lady, mentally noting the niceness of her ass, only to realize later that she’s at LEAST 50.
I had a birthday party this time last year (by strange coincidence, I’m having another one this year too. ;)) The night was young, but some male friends of mine were already sitting out back ('tis summer here, so parties are strictly outdoors). They were enjoying a few quiet drinks, and checking out my other guests as they arrived.
Said guests were entering through the garage. The garage was brightly lit, but the back yard was quite dim – just a few fairy lights and a couple hidden spotlights. One of the guys notices the silhouette of a curvy, petite young woman entering. He turns to the others and appreciately says, “Check that out!”
In the dorm room at college with a few other guys on a poker night.
One guy is standing at the sink washing off a plate. Out of the corner of his eye he is watching TV. He sees a slow, spinning pan going up a pair of legs.
“Sweet Jesus, look at the legs on that babe!”
Turns out it was a commercial for a new Barbie product.
