Yes, elfkin. I went out to an oyster bar with 3 of my female coworkers after work. One was a Mediterranean-looking chick I long had the hots for. Another was a hot blonde woman and her hot blonde daughter. We split several pitchers (they kept refilling my mug from theirs) and I told them “I wanna make love to YOU, I wanna make love to YOU, and I wanna make love to YOU!” They just laughed.
[sub]I never got to bump uglies with them…[/sub]
While partying with my college roommate:
Her: Commere I wanna tell you something!
Me: What?
Her: Lean in closer. It’s a secret.
Me: What is it?
Her: [in a very loud stage whisper] I can’t feel my teeth!
I don’t say stupid things when I’m drunk that I’m aware of (or at least they’re not stupid enough to be worth parroting back at me the next day), but the volume of the things I do say gets louder the more I drink. Until people have to tell me that they can hear me just fine I don’t have to shout.
[QUOTE=Stauderhorse]
Or, I should get my brother drunk more often
Last night was the annual work Christmas party. Yes, that magical time of year when pretty much everyone gets hammered and either:
a) proclaims how much they love everyone
or
b) gets into a fistfight for no reason
Good times. Anyways, my brother’s been kind of torn up about his relationship status and whatnot, so he planned to drink heavily. Which he did. By the end of the night, he was going around hugging everyone (and even picking a few people up).
We eventually get him home, but he manages to escape the house three times while I’m trying to get stuff out of the car. The first time I herded him back into the house, he pressed himself against the wall and said “This is a pretty wall. I’d like to do the wall.” :dubious: Right. The second time, he managed to run into the door jamb and ask me “Did you see that wall? Did you see what it did to me?”
The third time he actually punched me in the head after asking me if I believed in Jesus.
Other highlights of the night:
-He took a flashlight and held it up to his face while telling us all that he was Jesus. And I quote “I give you all the blessing of our Lord and Savior Jesus, the Lamb of God”.
-He laid down on the floor and said “Mommy, can I have some potatoes?”. After he got food, he asked me “Have you ever had potatoes made by beautiful people?” Why no, no I haven’t.
I think that’s all, although I’m sure I’ll remember more at 2 in the morning. Have ya’ll ever said anything weird or funny when drunk?
[/QUOTE]
I was waiting for the punchline of:
“And little did he realize all of the beer, punch, and drinks we were serving that night were non-alcoholic!!!”
:dubious:
And this was from…alcohol?
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect]
:dubious:
And this was from…alcohol?
[/QUOTE]
You’ve never had that happen? Both “my face is numb” and “I can’t feel my teeth” are standard symptoms of drunkenness in my circles.
I was drinking out back with some friends at one of their houses.
Friend 1 out of nowhere says, “Why aren’t people afraid of trees? I mean they’re alive like bugs are and a lot of people are afraid of bugs.”
after a pause Friend 2: “Dude, some people are afriad of trees.”
Friend 1: “Well it’s about damned time!”
We still talk about that and it still makes me chuckle.
Another time same friends house same usual crew of riff-raff the day after the night of the party.
Different Friend 1: “Damn we drank a lot last night. The last thing I rememebr is looking at the clock when we did that shot at 10pm. What happened after that?”
Me: “Not much. We played a tournament of Dr. Mario. Joe won. He is a lot better at that when he is drunk.”
Friend 1: "Anything else?’
Me: “Well about midnight you started dancing. You weren’t that bad.”
Friend 1: “I was dancing? Why the hell was I dancing?”
Me: “I dunno. You just got up off the couch and started dancing and singing and shit. It was pretty funny.”
Friend 1: “I hope you guys took pictures.”
Me: “We did.”
This is no shit as well.
We had a boot camp report to our Department, who found out that he could drink even though he was underage.
He’d come back shit faced, yakk someplace, then crawl to his rack. The only problem with this was that he never used the head. Not once.
To complicate things, we could never find out where he yakked at. We could smell it, but the location was a mystery.
We finally cured him by waiting for him to pass out, then applying a large quantity of stolen mayonnaise packs (courtesy of the forward mess deck) to the crack of his ass.
The look on his face after he reached behind himself was priceless.
daHubby told me that while walking down the street during the Regatta one year, he saw a guy standing on top of a manhole cover while his friends spun him around. He stopped, looked up and yelled “Auntie Em! Auntie Em! It’s a twister!!”
I knew a guy who’d once been a state cop. He told a story of stopping a guy who’d been weaving down the road.
The smell of booze was powerful, so he told the guy “Sorry, buddy, but I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test.”
The reply: “Wassamatter officer - don’t you believe I’m drunk?”
I was 19 and getting sick in the bathroom after a lot of nighttrain (specially imported from CA). My friend R was holding my hair back. I stood up, fell into a wall, and proclaimed, “ooooh, it’s like I’m doing the timewarp!”
I tried to pick up some girls at the beach one time. I had been drinking beer since about 10AM, and now it was well into the afternoon. I tried to impress them with a detailed description of my new favorite movie, “A Clockwork Orange”. Needless to say, it didn’t turn out too well.