Yes, elfkin. I went out to an oyster bar with 3 of my female coworkers after work. One was a Mediterranean-looking chick I long had the hots for. Another was a hot blonde woman and her hot blonde daughter. We split several pitchers (they kept refilling my mug from theirs) and I told them “I wanna make love to YOU, I wanna make love to YOU, and I wanna make love to YOU!” They just laughed.
[sub]I never got to bump uglies with them…[/sub]
While partying with my college roommate:
Her: Commere I wanna tell you something!
Me: What?
Her: Lean in closer. It’s a secret.
Me: What is it?
Her: [in a very loud stage whisper] I can’t feel my teeth!
I don’t say stupid things when I’m drunk that I’m aware of (or at least they’re not stupid enough to be worth parroting back at me the next day), but the volume of the things I do say gets louder the more I drink. Until people have to tell me that they can hear me just fine I don’t have to shout.
I was waiting for the punchline of:
“And little did he realize all of the beer, punch, and drinks we were serving that night were non-alcoholic!!!”
:dubious:
And this was from…alcohol?
You’ve never had that happen? Both “my face is numb” and “I can’t feel my teeth” are standard symptoms of drunkenness in my circles.
I was drinking out back with some friends at one of their houses.
Friend 1 out of nowhere says, “Why aren’t people afraid of trees? I mean they’re alive like bugs are and a lot of people are afraid of bugs.”
after a pause Friend 2: “Dude, some people are afriad of trees.”
Friend 1: “Well it’s about damned time!”
We still talk about that and it still makes me chuckle.
Another time same friends house same usual crew of riff-raff the day after the night of the party.
Different Friend 1: “Damn we drank a lot last night. The last thing I rememebr is looking at the clock when we did that shot at 10pm. What happened after that?”
Me: “Not much. We played a tournament of Dr. Mario. Joe won. He is a lot better at that when he is drunk.”
Friend 1: "Anything else?’
Me: “Well about midnight you started dancing. You weren’t that bad.”
Friend 1: “I was dancing? Why the hell was I dancing?”
Me: “I dunno. You just got up off the couch and started dancing and singing and shit. It was pretty funny.”
Friend 1: “I hope you guys took pictures.”
Me: “We did.”
This is no shit as well.
We had a boot camp report to our Department, who found out that he could drink even though he was underage.
He’d come back shit faced, yakk someplace, then crawl to his rack. The only problem with this was that he never used the head. Not once.
To complicate things, we could never find out where he yakked at. We could smell it, but the location was a mystery.
We finally cured him by waiting for him to pass out, then applying a large quantity of stolen mayonnaise packs (courtesy of the forward mess deck) to the crack of his ass.
The look on his face after he reached behind himself was priceless.
daHubby told me that while walking down the street during the Regatta one year, he saw a guy standing on top of a manhole cover while his friends spun him around. He stopped, looked up and yelled “Auntie Em! Auntie Em! It’s a twister!!”
I knew a guy who’d once been a state cop. He told a story of stopping a guy who’d been weaving down the road.
The smell of booze was powerful, so he told the guy “Sorry, buddy, but I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test.”
The reply: “Wassamatter officer - don’t you believe I’m drunk?”
I was 19 and getting sick in the bathroom after a lot of nighttrain (specially imported from CA). My friend R was holding my hair back. I stood up, fell into a wall, and proclaimed, “ooooh, it’s like I’m doing the timewarp!”
I tried to pick up some girls at the beach one time. I had been drinking beer since about 10AM, and now it was well into the afternoon. I tried to impress them with a detailed description of my new favorite movie, “A Clockwork Orange”. Needless to say, it didn’t turn out too well.