He doesn’t need to mow his lawn, because his grass stops growing at just the right height. Every time.
His topiary behaves this way as well, and has won prizes from both the Royal Horticultural Society and the Perimeter Institute of Mathematics.
His very presence really ties a room together.
His very presence ties together not just the room in which he stands, but also adjacent rooms and the building as a whole.
His very presence keeps the very fabric of spacetime woven together. Black holes are what happen when he breaks his concentration.
I prefer this one:
He can type 120 words a minute … backwards
He once walked a mile in another mans shoes… while the other man was still wearing them
When he breathes on a frosty windowpane, the proprietary recipe for Tabasco is revealed.
He can see a color that no one else can.
You know how Latin is a dead language? He killed it.
His birthday is a holiday in every country.
When he drives, he never encounters traffic.
Easter Island’s Moai heads are all supposed to be him.
One thing that I don’t understand about the campaign is why he prefaces his closing line with “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do…”. What does this accomplish for Dos Equis? It basically says that interesting men don’t HAVE to drink beer. While this is implied, I don’t see a reason to have him say it.
I assume that maybe he usually drinks fine wine and champagne, along with various exotic drinks that only he knows the recipe to.
He has no refractory period, but he pauses anyways. Small talk is good.
And it’s not ultraviolet.
And it’s a different day in every country, too. This is not an accident.
I think of it as the difference between cats and dogs: a dog will run to you, but a cat lets you run to it.
Instead of coming right out and begging by saying “please please please drink this beer”, or insulting the viewer by saying “If you don’t drink this beer, you’re a loser”, the commercial says, “Hey. We’re pretty cool. We drink this beer, but we’re not slaves to it or anything.” And then it implies that you too can be this cool, whether you drink this beer or not.
He knows the cell numbers of all the world’s royalty.
Even more interestingly, all the world’s royalty knows his.
He can win a backgammon game, in two rolls.
All roads lead to Rome…all air routes lead to his house…or at least the front for his liar…
He has a tank of massive lasers…with freaking sharks on their heads…
He actually knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop.
He once perfectly split the hope diamond in two…in the back of a volkswagon bug…crossing the Himaylayas…with a tounge depressor and stale pop tart.
He IS the Unified Field Theory.
He has corrected Cecil. Twice.
(blasphemy!)
Not only can he hold audiences rapt by singing the telephone book, he has the book memorized.
Any city’s directory from any year.
When he goes to a strip club, the dancers tip him.
After they win the big game, his favorite sports team interviews him.
When the local girl scout comes by to sell cookies, he doesnt buy any…his will power and convictions are that strong…