He IS the most intresting man in the world.

He is so well known and admired for the volume, depth, breadth, and longevity of his works…that his mother named him after himself.

He single handedly discovered a convienent new prime number between 7 and 11.

He discovered a new important mathematical constant regarding spheres in the 11th dimension…he named it cake.

His powerful and numerous enemies once nuked him from orbit…they still aren’t sure.

His first autobiography is in the Library of Congess’s fiction section…due to a Congressional resolution…and all following ones will be as well…its still in litigation.

He once wrote the Guiness records people telling them every record they had was wrong…he sent his autobiography to prove it…unfortunately, they couldnt read hexidecimal.

He once went for a morning stroll…and found himself at the top of Everest before he knew it.

He is such an absent minded genius that when he unexpectedly runs out of gas… its right next to a gas pump…of his favorite brand.

He is the Zeroth Nation of Canada.

The elephant bird, thylacine, passenger pigeon, and dodo are no longer extinct in his prescence.

He can enjoy the music on compact discs merely by looking at them.

He has an ebony travel pass, good for unlimited travel in any car, taxi, bus, train, streetcar, plane, ship, or submarine vessel in the world, but he prefers to walk. He gets there first anyways. Even when crossing oceans.

Helium makes his voice deeper. The effect of sulphur hexafluoride on his voice is indescribable, but women like it.

His interpretation of “pigs in a blanket” made Emeril cry with joy.

Tim Taylor once told him his house had too much power.

His version of a Shirley Temple is illegal in 92 countries and all 50 states, including the district of Columbia.

Once, while visiting the Pope at the Vatican, someone in the crowd screamed out "whose that guy in the funny hat up there with @#@#$^^ ? …His true name can not be reduced to mere letters.

He once won a pissing contest - against Secretariat.

He once won a Russian roulette tournament - with a fully loaded gun.

He once managed to stay on Jeopardy for a month straight…answering only one category the whole time…the category was “unanswerable questions for $1”

He doesnt have a hybrid…he has a tribrid…and none of the fuels are fossil fuels or electricty.

He knows what step 2 is…he is working on implementing step 4 as we speak.

He once wrote a brilliant 300 page power point presentation on how Hank Hill could triple his business by selling propane and butane and propane and butane accessories…hi did this all on his cell phone on the crapper one morning before breakfast.

Well that’s easy. Just go second.

He went first.

He put an end to Johann Strauss’ Perpetuum Mobile.

And after the second guy took his turn, he fully reloaded the gun and took another turn - just for the hell of it.

He only plays chess against himself; both sides always win.

He does, in fact, talk about Fight Club.

Yakov Smirnoff once said “In America, you watch TV. In Russia, TV watches him.”

He can unwrap a brand-new poker deck, have someone else shuffle it 32 times, and then deal five royal flushes. With no wild cards.

He ate one Lay’s potato chip. Once. In 1960.

The characters of James Bond, Gandalf, Doctor Manhattan, Scrooge McDuck, and Tinky Winky were all based on his life.

When he played chess against Deep Blue, it resigned before the first move.

He knows the last digit of pi.

He gave up juggling chainsaws. Now he juggles black holes.

And it was a political thread about the Clintons, Bushes, and Palins!

He once memorized all of the digits of Graham’s number… in under an hour… then intentionally forgot them as they were not meant to be known.

He once qualified for all Olympic sports but didn’t feel like going because 10 supermodels wanted his undivided attention.

Soccer bores him because he scores a goal every time he kicks.

He won a drag race against a top fuel dragster in his restored Model T. The same is true for NASCAR.

He was never drafted for the Vietnam War and feels guilty about the loss to this day.

He has been a fashion model on all 7 continents including Antarctica posing both as a man and a woman.

His Haikus cause permanent psychological damage in some and causes others to abandon their current life.

His haikus cause permanent psychological damage in Cthulhu.

He once kicked Chuck Norris’ ass - with both his arms and legs tied behind his back.

He wrote a haiku that made Vogons cry.

He took his hair clippings and wove a rug that really ties the room together.

He goes to time share retreats and convinces the marketers to buy worthless real estate from him.

He mentally controls the length of his own hair.
He always has exact change.
He can easily cut a pizza into an odd number of slices.
He thinks novacaine is for sissies.
He once married out of his species.