He can always tell Coke and Pepsi in a blind taste test.
He once ice skated across all of Antarctica.
Jews still debate whether he is the true Messiah.
His parachute once failed and he just glided to the ground using his arms.
Aggressive pit-bulls often shudder at his presence and will catch a frisbee for hours if he tells then to.
Mike Tyson turned down a boxing match with him but he still went to the hotel room and beat the hell out of him.
He once landed a 747 Jumbo jet after the entire crew died but not at the original destination. He wanted to go on vacation in the Bahamas.
He once handled 15 Cobras at the same time in Asia and some bit him but it had no effect. He also swung a seven foot rattle snake above his head and threw it about 100 yards.
One crisp fall evening Chthulu knocked at his door…he thought it was the little girl from down the street wearing her fairy outfit for trick or treating.
He never ordered a ginsu knife, oxyclean, or a shamwow towel…because the stuff he made for himself worked better.
He once broke an economist’s window…to prove a point.
He once was an anger management therapist…he cured the incredible hulk.
He knows what cats and women are really thinking.
He got his Phd before his bachelors…just to prove a point.
Paul Harvey wants to tell his story…but the “rest of the story” changes every week.
He once filled out an E Harmony survey…he was found to be a perfect match for every heterosexual woman…and every gay man…and every lesbian…and even every straight man.
When he observed Schrödinger’s Cat, he saw the cat’s ‘alive’ state through his left eye and its ‘dead’ state through his right eye. What his third eye saw cannot be described in English.
He was the inspiration for a number of the characters in Douglas Adams’ work. Opinion sharply differs on which characters.
Photographs taken of him, when analyzed, prove to incorporate multidimensional steganography. Each photograph provides a different data set; each data set save one is encrypted; and none of the encrypted data sets have ever been decrypted. The sole unencrypted data set has never been released to the public.
His family photo album is categorized as a classic example of great literature, along with works such as The catcher in the Rye, A Clockwork Orange, and To Kill a Mockingbird.
He has starred in four of the five most successful pornographic movies ever produced. There were no other actors, dialogue, or actual sex - he simply stood in front of a green screen. Naked.
His self-published book of dating advice was single-handedly responsible for the Baby Boom.
The infamous Tunguska has been blamed on his eating one too many bean burritos.
Time passes more slowly in his presence… Because it stops to admire his appearance.