I’ve had a crush on a friend of mine for a while, and never had the guts to let him know about it, for fear of rejection and alienating him if the feelings weren’t mutual. I’ve known him for 10 years, and thought he was a sweetheart from day one. I’m newly single, and we’ve been hanging around and talking on the phone a lot.
Late friday night, we were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. He started stroking my hair and my back. Next thing you know, we were kissing. Nobody has touched me in two years, and it was freaking wonderful! He stayed until about four in the morning. (just FYI we didn’t have sex, just kissed and caressed each other.)
Ahh…now the worrying begins. Will he call? will he not call? Did he think “OMG I kissed Alex and now I’m all freaked out?” I worked a long day yesterday, and am going back to work this morning. I’m hoping he calls tonight. My friends at work say I should wait for his call, and not call him. I’m not into playing games, I’m too old for that bullshit…the whole “wait and let him pursue you, and don’t call before a certain amount of time has passed” feels like a game. I think I should give him a call tonight and drag him out for dinner.
I’m not looking to rope the guy into a huge commitment or a marriage proposal. I think he’s cute and would like to step up our good friendship to another level, and just see where it goes.
My first instinct (usually the right one) is to phone him and treat him as I always do, with an added, “Friday night was fun, let’s definitley do THAT again.” So what should I do? Call? Not call? Sit here worrying about it and wait for him to make the first move? Yargh!!
Unless he’s a wanker with a fragile male ego – and I assume he’s not or you wouldn’t still be hanging out with him after all these years – he’ll appreciate it if you call him. Most guys I know actually like it when a woman shows the initiative in a budding relationship.
Yep, I agree with everyone. You have the exact right idea – call and act like you always do, but make it clear you enjoyed what happened and want it to happen again.
The only caution I would give is to be prepared to take it slow – he may be a little spooked out by the thought of changing your relationship from friends to serious girlfriend, so if he shows signs of seeming freaked out, speak in a soothing tone of voice and don’t make any sudden movements. Once he sees that you’re playing it cool, he should be fine. This is probably all moot anyway – this doesn’t sound like a drunken impulse, but rather something he’s wanted to do.
Don’t call him – instead, wait by the phone anxiously for hours and days, hoping he’ll call you first. Chew off all your fingernails. Invent a thousand different scenarios in your head of what he might say or do next. Agonize to all your friends about it until they’re sick of it. Lose sleep worrying. Develop several new neuroses, and possibly a bleeding ulcer. Cry a lot over the slightest thing. Start to drink heavily until you become an alcoholic. Curse all men everywhere for being such bastards. Die a lonely old maid.
