Should I be upset that he didn't call?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I didn’t know whether this should go in MPSIMS or IMHO so feel free to move it if you feel the need.

I am the most out going, extroverted person I know, except when it comes to people who I have a thing for. I have had my eye on a guy who I go to school with for a few months now. I don’t have any classes with him nor do we hang out with hardly any of the same people, so there is never really a chance to talk to him. The last time I talked to this guy was in the fall when I was waiting for a friend after football practice.

While lying awake in my bed last night I decided that I should just have some balls and give the guy my number. I told him that if he wanted to throw it away it was cool, but that he should give me a call sometime. (I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest, I was so nervous) he seemed reasonably excited about the number; he looked at it, said ok, and continued on to class. However, he didn’t call.:frowning:

I don’t know how to feel about this. I am personally happy with myself for finally doing something to try to move forward with this guy. However, it is sort of bruising to the ego that he did not call. Should I be at all upset about this? It is only the first night and he never really confirmed that he would call.

2

Scorpio, it’s only been one night since you gave him the number? Don’t sweat it babe… he’s probably doing the “don’t wanna seem too keen” thing. That or he’s not as interested as he first made out.

Either way - don’t get too hung up on it. But if it goes more than two weeks without him calling, that should tell you something.

Max.

3

How long has it been??

He can’t call right away, 'cause then he’s too eager. He waits a week, forget him. Three days, probably.

So again, how long has it been?

4

Good advice so far. If he’d called right away I’d be worried. Right now he’s looking at himself in the mirror and thinking about how sexy he thinks he is and trying to decide when the best time to call would be, because he doesn’t want to look to eager.

Then again, he might have been tied up at a 13 person mayonnaise orgy and forgotten about it. I’m betting on the first one though.

5

My day was quite interesting today trying to avoid this guy in the halls. This was mighty difficult considering that we have two classes that are right next to each other. I’m currently just trying to avoid an awkward moment between the two of us. Hopefully he will call soon.

6

This is the most important thing. It’s a marathon not a sprint. In the long run, taking these small steps that lead to feeling good about yourself is the important thing. In 10 years you won’t remember if this guy called on that night, but you will remember the long string of successes (and failures) in relationships that resulted from having enough confidence in yourself to approach someone you’re interested in.

7

Instead of giving him your number and expecting him to call, why didn’t you just call HIM? Or ask him out? I can understand why some people are congratulating you on taking initiative, but I can’t agree that it accurately describes what you have really done. Basically, you’ve said to this guy “Here is my number. I’ll be waiting around for you to call.” It almost makes you seem desperate.

Sorry to rain on your parade. I hope he DOES call. But next time, try not to make yourself seem SO available, huh?

8

Ok, first, I gave the guy my cell phone number. So it is not like I’m sitting at home, staring at my phone going,“Ring damn it, Ring!”
Second, I don’t know how else you would have liked me to approach the situation. In the OP I said that we don’t have classes together nor do we hang out with the same clique. I barely even know the guy. I think it would have made the situation even more awkward if I had blurted out a line like, “So I know we don’t even know each other, but give me your phone number.” or “Hey I’m free Saturday night, so what are we doing?”

9

Like I said, sorry to rain on your parade.

Look at your actions this way: if a guy you barely knew had just walked up to you and handed you his phone number out of the blue, would you have actually called him? If you’re thinking “Well, guys don’t do that,” my response is “Neither do girls!”
Think about how every guy you’ve ever dated approached you. Did you know them, at least a little, beforehand? There are a million ways to approach somebody obliquely, and most guys learn at least a few of them. Things like hanging out with whatever mutual friends you may have in order to get to know her better. Finding out the places she frequents, and then frequenting those same places so you can run into her and strike up a conversation. Show up to watch her intramural team play (bringing a few friends of course, so you don’t seem like a stalker.) In short, it takes effort.
You did none of that groundwork. In fact, your actions say, quite clearly, that you expect him to make an effort. Handing over your phone number right off the bat is forward, in the worst way. If he didn’t have enough of an interest in you to take initiative before, why would he just call you up now? Instead of handing over your phone number and then avoiding him, you should’ve made it a point to run into him and say hi every time you had classes together. It would’ve done you more good. At least then you could be sure he knew who you were. Can you honestly be sure he even remembers your name?
But I suppose if nothing else good comes of the situation, at least now you know how dating feels from a guy’s perspective. “Bruising to the ego”? You haven’t seen, and probably never will see, rejection like many men experience as part of the natural course of events. At least he didn’t laugh in your face, or something worse.

I’d be surprised if he calls. Post it here if he does. It would be nice to know there’s a happy ending.

I’m sorry if my posts seem harsh; I don’t mean to shit on you. You seem like a nice girl. But you did post this on a public forum, inviting comment from all comers. I’m telling you what I honestly think.

10

I meant to say "every time you had classes in adjoining rooms. There was your golden opportunity to socialize, and make sure you actually talked to him in the months between football season and giving your number.

11

So lizzard, IYHO, how do I fix the situation that I have botched?

12

Are you just being sarcastic, or do you really want to know?

13

No, I am being serious.

14

Well, unfortunately, there really is no surefire way to recover from this. But there are a few things you can do to ameliorate the situation. First of all, reconcile yourself to the fact that the least likely scenario in all the world is that he’s going to call and be interested in you.
Second, stop avoiding him! You may feel awkward facing him, but that is an artificial emotion that you’ve created in your head, and you can do away with it as easily as you’ve created it. Nobody can take your dignity away from you. The next time you walk past him in the hall, smile and nod. Don’t say “hi,” just smile and nod. Don’t refer to your phone number, or ask him if he’s going to call, or apologize, either. Act completely normal, even if you are putting on a total show. When you can walk past him without feeling embarassed or awkward, then graduate to “Hi, (his first name).”

And that’s it for now. After this, it gets a little hazy. I’m giving these recommendations without knowing this guy, although it appears that makes me no worse off than you are. I’m basing it on the presumption that he is a psychologically normal early-20s male similar to all the ones I knew in college. The actions I’ve described are intended to send the message that you giving him your number was an anomolous incident, and you really are a normal girl. He’s already willing to believe you’re a little strange, and that’s why you shouldn’t try talking to him yet. You need to back off, and let your prior actions recede in his memory.

Sorry if this isn’t the “magic bullet” you might’ve hoped for that could land you the guy of your dreams. But c’est la vie. Being rejected is not the occasional thing, it’s the norm. In my fraternity in college we took an informal poll once, and found most of us had to ask out about 3 different girls to get one date. And IIRC, of that 1/3, we got a second date only ten percent of the time.

It is possible this situation could play out in other, less pleasant ways as well. If this guy is a tramp, he could interpret your overture as an invitation to make a booty call. How you deal with that, if it happens, is your business. But whatever you do, don’t go anywhere alone with him unless you know he’s not like that. This is how date rape happens.

And I would recommend, in the future, talking to girls you know who date more than you and finding out how they meet men. Don’t ask guys what you should do; their advice would be self-serving. You are, alas, at an age when dating is most fraught with peril. The one piece of advice I always gave my friends who asked my opinion was “be prepared for some emotional pain and embarassment. There will be NO progress without it.” They usually didn’t listen, and tried to take the easy way out. (Like avoiding people so things wouldn’t be awkward.) It never worked for them in the long run; they just ended up digging a deeper hole for themselves.
You seem to be a person of character though, so here’s hoping you pull through. Best of luck to you.

15

Don’t have expectations. They only lead to disappointments.

So ya gave him your number. NOT A BIG DEAL. it’s not like you bought a billboard to proclaim your love to him.

You opened the door… you can’t be made that he didn’t walk in.

16

If they were older, or were the circumstances radically different, then this would be true. But how willing is anyone to rely upon the emotional/social maturity of an 18-21-year-old male? Or ANYONE of that age? Sure, if a woman just gave me her number I wouldn’t react the same way as I’ve described in this thread. But I’m not in college anymore either. Age matters.

17

hardly.

not age, perhaps maturity though.

THe reason for why didn’t call are numerous.

They may… or MAY NOT have to do with her.

perhaps he’s in the hospital, lost her number, is dating someone else, is too shy to call, etc etc etc.

Do you want him to call JUST to make you happy? I doubt it. So let him be himself. Let him call if and when he wants to. In the meantime… keep gioving yoru number out. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.