relationship advice needed (long)

In My Humble Opinion
1

At the beginning of this semester I started taking a yoga class up at my University that meets on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Early in the semester, I spotted a cutie in there that I wanted to talk to. I went for a few weeks, but she was never in the classes when I was.

Then a week ago this last Sunday (the 10th), she was there. After class, I asked her if I could buy her a coffee, and she said thanks, but she had a hall meeting (she’s a resident in the girls Honors dorm). So I walked her back to her dorm–about 5 or 10 minutes, and we chatted about random conversation stuff. The conversation seemed to flow smoothly, and there wasn’t any detectible awkwardness, imo. At the end of the conversation, I asked for her number, and she gave it to me. Good sign!

Monday afternoon, I get to campus around 5 or so, and go to get some food in the Student Union bldg. While I’m paying out, a group of undergrads come passing through the area like they’re coming from a meeting or something, and she’s with them, but I didn’t want to single her out while she was with a bunch of friends, it would have been somewhat awkward, so I didn’t do anything. I’m not sure she even saw me.

Here’s where I think I made a mistake or three. So I call her up on Monday after I get out of class (around 9:30 pm), no answer, but her machine has her cell number. I leave a message on the machine and add the cell to my phone for future reference. Tuesday rolls around, no call back the night before, no biggie, but putz that I am, I called her on Tuesday, too (no msg on home machine, msg on voicemail). No call back. Wednesday, I call her home phone during the day–around 3 or so, and get her roommate. So I ask her when a good time to call her is and she says she is sure she will be around 9:30. Due to conflicts, I’m not able to call until around 10pm that night, no answer at either number, damn. Regardless, it’s too many calls, I’m probably giving off stalker vibe.

I don’t remember if I called on Thursday, I know I didn’t over the weekend. Backing off is good. I figured, well, I’ve tried, maybe she’ll be in yoga class on Sunday. No such luck. You can see mistake number two coming, can’t you? After class, I call her up, get her voicemail, and leave a message, of course, with no call back.

I thankfully managed to resist calling yesterday or today.

Possible Pertinent Details–she’s a freshman, I’m late 20’s, she’s incredible cute (in other words, I’m not ready to give up, yet), my sister thinks I should give up.

So, what the hell am I supposed to do at this point?

Here’s some of the possibilities I see:

  1. She’s not interested, and not returning my calls is reflective of that. I can respect that she may not be interested, but I want to know why, if that is the case.

  2. She’s interested, but intimidated by the age difference. I didn’t tell her my age, but she does know I am in grad school and working at the same time.

  3. She’s interested, but hasn’t had time to call. That’s weak. I really doubt this is the case.

  4. She’s got a significant other. If this is the case, why did she give me her number? Inexperience, possibly.

What I’m looking for is the secret that will influence her to at least return my calls. All the messages I’ve left have been brief, and light in tone.

This is the first time I’ve had this happen, so I’m at a bit of a loss…

2

I’m trying not to read too much into the fact that you titled this thread “relationship advice” when you have not yet been on a date with this woman. If she saw the thread title without the content of your post, I think it would give her a “stalker vibe”.

I guess I don’t really have any advice. I know if it was me I’d probably back off at this point, but not knowing more about the situation I’ll just say good luck and happy stalking.

I’m kidding! That’s what I do, I kid.

3

By my count, you have called her five (possibly six) times and she hasn’t returned any of your calls.

My advice? Stop calling. Now. You are really moving into “weird grad student” territory here. She probably gave you her number because she didn’t want to say no. Maybe she thought it would be easier to just give you her number rather than explain why she wouldn’t give it to you. Who knows? In any case, you have tried to get in touch with her and now it is her turn.

Keep going to yoga and try one more time for the coffee get together. If she says she is busy again, let it go.

4

cuauhtemoc, good point, I didn’t even think about the title except that it was likely to get views, thanks for the insight.

Yep, ya’ll are confirming what I thought. I’ve got a toe over the stalker line. I had resolved already not to call her again, but I appreciate the support.

5

She’s not interested. It doesn’t matter why. Move on.

Next time, don’t call more than twice, and not within 48 hours of each other. After two calls, if she has your number and doesn’t call back, 99.9999999% of the time it’s because she’s not interested. Also, if she didn’t give you her cell phone number, don’t call it. Cell phones have caller id, and it makes you look like a stalker to call her on every number you can find. Play it cool!

6

Chill out.

She either doesn’t want to date you or she’s a busy little person and doesn’t care about her phone. (I was the latter, for a while my outgoing message said" And in two weeks I will listen to your message and delete it promptly" because I never listened to any of my voice mail. I still don’t, but everyone important has figured out not to leave me messages.)

Either way, leaving more messages and stressing about it will do you no good.

7

Same advice than Ol’ Gaffer, here. Stop calling, and if you meet her at the yoga someday, make a last attempt…If nothing ensue, forget about her…

8

Wait in a bush outside her dorm. Then call here from a pay phone when she goes inside. That’s the only way to know for sure. Whatever you do, never, ever give up…she could be the one.

on second thought, just quit stalking her and move on.