I am Chuck Norris, and I have joined this forum in an effort to connect with the common man. Plus I’m tired of doing roundhouse kicks.
While browsing the internet earlier today, I stumbled across what I considered to be some well informed debate taking place, and read a full three pages of other peoples’ opinions. While being heated at points, it remained respectful, on topic, and interesting. For the first time, I felt that I would like to be part of such debate. So here I am!
Welcome to our playground. It’s a fun place. Just remember the never-to-be-forgotten rule - use a coaster. Oh yeah, and don’t be a jerk. But you don’t sound like a jerk so far, so I’m guessing you’ll do good with that.
My kid named his goldfish Chuck Norris. No idea why.
“Use a coaster” falls fully within the rule of “don’t be a jerk.”
So not fair. Chuck Norris debates so well that in the end, there really are no bates left.
It’s true, I debate astonishingly well. It also helps that under my beard I have another fist.
To be honest, I don’t know how I ended up with this username! I tried a few others and was unsuccessful, so then turned to Chuck for guidance. Naturally he suggested a good strong name; his own.
Bear with me while I relieve all the Chuck Norris jokes from my system!
What about rebates?
And does Norman Bates know about this?
Welcome, Chuck! Just curious, have you ever met the most interesting man in the world? If so, what are your thoughts regarding his awesomeness?
Hello Chuck Norris. Be welcome. Enjoy your stay.
Hello and thank you Blondebear 
. The world’s most interesting man eh, you flatter me!
As for Chuck’s awesomeness, (that’s right, I do refer to myself in the third person), he is at least a 7/10. (0 being rather cool, and 10 being pretty fucking awesome.)
Thank you Khadaji. Out of curiosity, what is the difference in status between a member and a charter member?
Back when the boards first when for-pay, those of us who signed up early got the status “Charter Member” and 1/2 off for life.
Having said that, it has no other perks and doesn’t even get me laid. :mad:
Welcome, Mr. Norris!
Stay Frosty, and enjoy your stay here.
Well, hello to you too. I’ve found this place to be a never-ending store of wisdom, humor, facts, perspective, and fart jokes. (Out of curiosity, which thread brought you to us?)
A sad state of affairs when charter membership to a forum doesn’t even get you laid! Thank you Toe Jam. I feel I will settle in quite nicely.
I’ve no idea what time it is for you across the globe but where I am it’s bordering on late for a school night, (not an actual school night). I’m off to bed to “wait” until morning. 
Hello there! It was the “Top ten scientific proofs of creationism”. After some debate with a colleague of mine who has relatively recently become a Christian, I found myself somewhat ill-equipped to battle some of the seemingly well formed arguments he was posing, even though I could smell the manure eminating from every statement. I therefore decided to do some research, et voila!
Someone as well-spoken as you appear to be should be an asset to the board. Am I hearing that you’re a student, or do you teach? Do you have any specific areas of knowledge or are you just an all-around know it all?
I’d refrain from starting Pit threads, were I you, as the mob turns on you in an instant around here. It’s a form of blood sport. Otherwise, provide cites for all assertions or face the wrath of the teeming millions. Welcome aboard, matey.
Forgive me, Chuck Norris, I was being utterly pointless and mundane when I should have been welcoming your appearance. I’ve never welcomed anyone to the board before and wasn’t sure if it was really my place, IMHO. But I shouldn’t elect to get into any sort of a great debate about it, if you don’t mind, and I will thank you for not immediately poking me with a barbecue toasting fork as I am not in the marketplace for a pitting. While I can’t comment on any of Cecil’s columns or staff reports I am game (and have room in my schedule) for answering any general questions you may have about this message board.
Sincerely,
A dopey straight guy from Chicago
P.S. Welcome!
How would that possibly be a problem for Chuck Norris? He could take them all!
Greetings, Chuck Norris. I’d challenge you to a friendly fight to the death, but even a maddened berserker like me who gets drunk on battle and blood and also booze knows that I wouldn’t last a minute. Besides I have other people to rage against. Anyway I hope you enjoy it here.