Inspired by this pithy, yet brilliant, post. I myself shan’t throw my hat in the ring.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Actually, Chuck Norris counted to eleven and then said that was enough. All of the other numbers backed down because they didn’t want to argue with Chuck Norris.
In 1975 Chuck Norris kicked Mr. T. This split him in half, creating Gary Coleman and Emmanuel Lewis.
Out of sympathy for the world, Chuck created a perfect Mr. T robot.
I thought Chuck Norris WAS a joke.
Then he hit me. I’m not laughing anymore.
When Chuck Norris shows up, Wilford Brimley packs up and goes home.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
There is no such thing as evolution, only animal species Chuck Norris hasn’t decided to roundhouse kick out of existence yet!
Chuck Norris killed Shrodinger’s cat. Nothing “uncertain” about it! Fuckin’ cat’s dead!
RickJay’s joke was funny, but I think luci just topped it. ‘Fuckin’ cat’s dead!’ Brilliant 
Paradox solved. Nothing **can ** happen because Chuck Norris is both the irresistible force and the immovable object.
Chuck Norris died 4 years ago. The Grim Reaper is afraid to tell him.
My favorite might not work so well in a few months, so I’ll tell while the telling’s good:
One night, Chuck Norris snuck into a Convent in the Himalayas. Nine months later, every sister gave birth to children who would later become the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only team ever to go undefeated in the history of the NFL.
Chuck Norris makes Jesus call him “Sir”.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
Can Chuck Norris beat himself up?
Chuck Norris got curious about this once. The blood he spilled in the attempt is the Dark Matter that holds the universe together.
Ya know that guy, Occam? Yeah, well, let’s put it this way. No one pulls a razor on Chuck Norris twice.
Tris
And if Chuck Norris looks too long into the Abyss, the Abyss says, “I’m sorry.”
“Sir.”
Tris
Of course he can, and he can beat himself to within an inch of his life, but being Chuck Norris, he can take it and more.