I repeat, there is NO theory of evolution…
Only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. 
Gotcha
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Yeah, Chuck, can we take Flander off the list…
Thank you Chuck…
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I’d make fun of Chuck for his obvious use of cosmetic surgery and/or botox, but I wanna live.
Did you know that, when Chuck Norris dives into a lake, he doesn’t get wet?
The water gets Chuck Norrised.
(I like that one.)
I just love the fact that it’s a Chuck Norris “fact” that begins with a line that is pure doper bait!
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite.
Chuck Norris bites frost.
I know for a fact that beneath Chuck Norris’ beard lays not a chin, but another fist.
Just so you know, Chuck Norris is suing NBC. The suit claims that Law & Order are already the trademarked names for his left and right legs.
As a player of World of Warcraft, who’s had to endure DAYS of this in Barrens Chat, may I just note that I hate you with all of my heart, soul, and mind for starting this, Flander?
Bruce Campbell>Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris isn’t unbeatable; he just hasn’t met Bruce.
Bruce Campbell once let Chuck Norris roundhouse kick him in the chin. Chuck Norris shattered every bone in his body. The chin was unharmed.
Bruce Campbell eats Chuck Norris’ chest hair for breakfast.
Chuck Norris sprouted from Bruce Campbell’s chin.
Chuck Norris wants to be Bruce Campbell when he grows up.
Chuck Norris wears a beard because he is jealous of Bruce Cambell’s chin.
When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Bruce Campbell.
Bruce Campbell was once bitten by a Werewolf. By next full moon, the Werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.
Bruce Campbell once got in a fight with Chuck Norris. Bruce Campbell just showed Chuck his chainsaw, said “Groovy,” and flushed him down the toilet in bloody chunks.
Bruce Campbell can defeat Chuck Norris merely by saying the word “Groovy.”
Chuck Norris prays to God every night. That god is Bruce Campbell.
Bruce Campbell once put an entire pack of saltines in his mouth, and then whistled “The Star Spangled Banner.” Because Chuck Norris swore it couldn’t be done.
Chuck Norris doesn’t take people off his list.
He kicks them off.
Now this is just lame.
When he was 8 years old, Chuck Norris had a paper route. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Cite?
Bruce Campbell eats hair for breakfast? Dude, that’s just nasty.
Sometimes nasty is what one wants for breakfast.
I’ve long thought that we members of the SDMB should start a “True Facts about Cecil Adams” website. Like, “Cecil Adams can know both the velocity and position of a particle with perfect accuracy.”
Only, y’know, funny ones.
There’s only one thing lamer than Chuck Norris facts… and that’s Chuck himself.
Can? More like: “Cecil Adams knows the position AND the velocity of every particle with perfect accuracy.” 
And he’s not fooled by the wave-particle duality, either.