In my boredom today, I stumbled across this website. I can’t stop giggling.
And now, some random facts about Chuck Norris:
And as a bonus, there are also Mr. T random facts. When T and Chuck come together, we get this:
:eek: 
The first rule of Chuck Norris is, you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not stand while urinating. He squats like an eight year old girl. After urinating Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the toilet into oblivion, so it can never tell the shocking truth about his bathroom habits to any living soul.
If you rearrange the letters in “Jesus Christ” you get “Chuck Norris”, but you have to try really hard.
And does he give me credit? Ingrate
That is awesome. This is awesomer:
Oh no. I think I have a new hobby.
Oh dear Og, this is addictive!
Yeah, I’m STILL entertained.
Pah, Chuck Norris still lost to Bruce Lee. And still would today.
;j
:eek:
Oh man. Perfect:
He once set a powerboat world speed record from Chicago to Detroit.
Chuck Norris once played Texas Hold ‘Em poker with George W. Bush Jr. and Bill Clinton. When President Bush asked how both Chuck Norris and Bill Clinton had played the ace of diamonds at the same time, Chuck Norris stood up and kicked Bill Clinton in the face for cheating. After George Bush noticed cards hidden in Chuck Norris’ pants pocket and yelled, “You’re cheating!” Chuck Norris stood up and kicked George Bush in the face for yelling in the presence of Chuck Norris.
The atomic bomb that hit Hiroshima was actually Chuck Norris’s most severe and deadly martial arts move. That day, he promised to never again do that move. A few days later, it was confirmed that Chuck Norris occasionally lies.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Yeah, but that was in 1991. In 1995, a Sheboygan, Wisconsin businessman, Mark Nemschoff, beat his record by about four hours.
This is a true fact about Chuck Norris:
My Karate instructor has fought him in tournament competition.
From the link above:
Chuck Norris was the fifth Beatle, the tenth member of the Fellowship of the Ring, and wrote the Bible. Of course we don’t know this because Chuck Norris, being the humble soul he is, roundhouse kicked all knowledge of this out of existence.
Chuck Norris created a circle with corners.
Chuck Norris has been hired by the state of Louisiana to roundhouse kick hurricanes away from the state for the next decade.
Chuck Norris is only vunerable to one thing: Spaghetti with sauce. If he even LOOKS at it, he will get a terrible rash. Meatballs, however, have no power against him.
And your karate instructor soon there after died of roundhouse kick related injuries?
Everytime you masturbate, Chuck Norris kills one more person.
All these wasted years in my crusade against kittens.
This is a true story. Chuck Norris was in Nashville promoting his last movie, or a book or something. The DJ for my radio station said that while Norris was in town promoting his movie “Delta Force”, the DJ mentioned that his son had loved Norris. The son was in the hospital in a coma from a car accident. After the radio gig, Norris went to the hospital and sat with the son for three hours, talking to him. No press, no publicity, just sitting there with a boy who couldn’t know he was there. The kid died later never having regained conciousness. I think a lot of Chuck Norris for that.
It would’ve been cool if he’d roundhouse kicked the kid into conciousness, though.
StG
Legend has it that during one of the scenes in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy and her friends sing “We’re Off To See The Wizard,” you can see one of the Munchkin actors hanging himself. This is incorrect. What you are actually seeing is Chuck Norris killing the Munchkin, the result of a drunken bar bet between friends. Norris had bet that he could sneak onto a movie set and kill one of the actors while the camera was still rolling.
Recently, controversy erupted after it was revealed that HarperCollins had digitally removed a cigarette from a photograph of illustrator Clement Hurd in the classic children’s book Goodnight Moon. According to inside sources, the original plan was to replace the photograph with one of Chuck Norris. It is estimated that if the publisher had gone through with the change, sales would have increased 400%, based on the original 1957 version of The Cat in the Hat. More on that in the next fact.
The first edition of The Cat in the Hat ended with the Cat walking outside, where he was beaten to death by Chuck Norris, who also kills the children’s mother “so no one’s the wiser.” Showing that history repeats itself, this was the result of a drunken bar bet in which Norris claimed he could get himself into a published children’s book, which he did by posing as Ted “Dr. Seuss” Geisel’s assistant. Although Geisel loved the new ending, a rise in matricides and cat murderings, followed by a ASPCA boycott of all Random House books, led Geisel to change the ending to the now-familiar “Cat cleans up house, then disappears, leaving no one the wiser” ending. It is believed that Norris stayed on as Geisel’s assistant for a number of years, based on a rough draft in the Dr. Seuss archives titles Eat Green Eggs and Ham or Chuck Norris Will Kick Your Ass.
Chuck Norris’s kicks do not echo, and nobody knows why.