I was hesitant to say how much I disliked the idea, but I see other people haven’t felt the same way.
I think the problem is that for a lot of people, the only exposure to gays and gay rights they have is through the crazier end. You (not literally) may not know that the perfectly average-seeming guy in the office next to you is gay, but you see those “crazy queers” on the news during the annual parade doing the weirdest stuff. So if you then see a bit on the news about a couple of apparent lesbians pretending to get married for laughs…well, it’s not going to do much to convince you that they should be able to do it for REAL, is it? (We won’t even consider that cousin of yours that’s just never found the right man but has had the same roommate for ten years. Nope. Denial is GOOD.) I mean, those people are crazy!
I’d feel completely different if it was an actual wedding (never mind the legality) and it was played for laughs. Some people have pretty wacky weddings. But as a political statement, a mock lesbian wedding doesn’t strike me as the best idea.
Isabelle, I also think that you might want to rethink this, or at least have a long talk with your friend. I dont think that you know what you’re getting into. You may think that you will be able to make this work, and it might be fun for a while, but years from now, you will find yourself laying in bed with her and realize that your whole life has been a sham. You may be able to fool your friends, but you can’t fool yourself and I don’t see how you will find any real happiness in this marriage. Don’t do it. Wait for the right man to come along, and give her the chance to find the right woman.
As for your first question, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” Lend her a few old rechargeable batteries, refilled with new electrons, wrapped in blue paper.
Respectfully, I’d say that at least part of the problem is that people don’t want to see anything more than what they want to see. Why shouldn’t a straight woman raise the issue by marrying a lesbian? After all, same sex marriages are illegal so it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t see how anyone can change public opinion by not doing anything, and I think a little political satire can be useful.
Maybe it’s just that I don’t see this as a terribly FUNNY idea overall? Humor is subjective, though, I admit.
Or perhaps – and this has nothing to do with you personally – I take the idea of gay marriage seriously enough to think that right now, the last thing people should be doing is making fun of it like this? I’m all for satire, but this seems a bad way to go about it.
If I’m bothering any gay people with this viewpoint, do let me know. I’m trying to HELP, really I am. I’m aware I’m coming across as rather humorless…
whiterabbit, if anyone’s humor impaired here, it’s probably me. This wouldn’t be the first time that I missed the mark. I hope all of this is coming across as friendly debate.
Maybe I’m being too irreverent towards marriage, but I see this as being a fun way to rally support, and I don’t think that a few people “marrying” for single sex marriages will hurt the cause. Bigots tend to be inflexible in their opinions, and I’d cast a jaundiced eye towards anyone who said that they were in favor of SSM but changed their minds over a mock marriage. Nobody gained liberty by by staying on the defensive, and if this event rallies people to take political action, then so much the better.
Then again, it may just be a matter of humor. the “wedding” strikes me as funny, but I’ve also replied to racist comments my saying that I was black. Bigoted or not, some wouldn’t like the humor, but it did get the point across.
I was thinking more of people who are already against it for the misguided reason that “those people are freaks” thinking their opinion is justified by the shenanigans at the fake lesbian wedding, rather than it causing somebody who is for it to change their mind.
I could be 100% WRONG here. Mostly, the idea puts me off, and it’s hard to explain why.
I’ve got to ask – what church IS doing this, anyway? I can only think of a few denominations that would go quite this far. I applaud their viewpoint, though.
Here’s my take. Your friend doesn’t have a partner. You aren’t gay. She’s pretending to be in a relationship in order to support gay rights/gay marriage. You should BOTH be attending as guests of other gay couples who are really in committed relationships.
You aren’t even gay and you’re in the CLOSET? That’s fucked up.
Both of you would make a bigger statement if you used pens instead of gifts. It sounds like this is nothing more than a party. Parties are fine, but not very effective. In my opinion you should BOTH re-think your participation in this. Especially you, Isabelle…I know you want to support your friend, but this is not the way to do it.
Sorry, but I think many of you are way off in your ‘solemn, serious, let’s be absolutely proper and respectful’ attitude about Isabelle’s mock wedding. This idea is perfectly appropriate as a political satire and should be treated as such. She’s not doing anything that is going to harm anyone and the ‘ramifications’, other than bringing the matter to more people’s attention, are nil. It’s not a legal marriage, so it’s not something that is permanent or earnest or real.
Lighten up.
And that letter, whether or not parts originated elsewhere, is pretty fucking funny. I’d be interested in knowing how many paragraphs it took before most people realized it was a complete parody.
What bothers me about considering this wedding political satire is this - Isabelle doesn’t want anyone to know she is making this grand political statement. She has stated a few times in this thread that her friends and family simply can not know she has been involved in this wedding. She doesn’t even know exactly what her friend wants from this wedding. I doubt her friend wants a lifetime commitment from Isabelle but I also doubt she wants a quiet ceremony seen by a handful of people only from her church - doesn’t make much of a statement that way! It is this lack of understanding and Isabelle’s lack of courage to stand up to her other friends and her family about this issue that makes me feel this whole thing can only turn put badly.
Then she sticks that letter in. I was looking at paragraph two and thinking she could not possibly be serious. Why pop that in this thread? If she wanted to start a thread and see how long it took people to get the joke - fine. But with people already wondering about her intentions with this mock wedding?
I agree with Tanookie. No one is going to see this. The church is doing it for completely different reasons than Isabelle’s friend (my take, anyway). There won’t be any publicity, and Isabelle is firmly locked in the closet as far as her church and family/friends are concerned. It all seems rather pointless.
Honestly, Isabelle, it seems like you’re participating in something you’ve given little or no thought to and are only interested in the silly theatrics of it all. You should step out, and your friend should wait to have a real ceremony (legal or otherwise) with someone she actually wants to marry. I have no idea what this mock ceremony hopes to accomplish.
And, personally, as someone who is pro-gay-marriage, I’m pretty bothered by your lack of sensitivity. You’re willing to show up for a ceremony, be on the news, etc, etc., supposedly to “support” your friend, but not willing to write a letter because it’s not important to you? You think that the lesbian wedding you went to previously was a “mock” ceremony on par with this stunt you and your friend are participating in?!
If you’re going to be a gay marriage “activist,” maybe you should spend some more time thinking about the meaning of weddings and marriage and hold off on that walk down the aisle.
Also, on a different note, I’d love to hear your excuse for calling that Ellen DeGeneres piece your own.
As repugnant as I’ve found the whole “mock” wedding situation, I’ve refrained from adding my two cents since several people before me have already expressed their disgust in a manner far better and more restrained than I would have. I am a lesbian, for what it’s worth, but that’s beside the point. This is about making a complete joke out of what is meant to be solemn occasion–two people making a public vow to spend their lives together in love and fidelity. As far as I’m concerned, whether it’s the lawful marriage of a man and woman or a commitment ceremony between two people of the same sex, it makes no difference in this particular instance. Isabelle is making a farce out of something that no one should take lightly.
Still, I was going to keep my mouth shut until I noticed (as has already been mentioned) the nearly verbatim posting of Ellen DeGeneres’ piece, originally titled “A Letter to My Friend (or A Frog in a Sombrero Does Not a Party Make”. It appears her 1995 book My Point… and I Do Have One. As far as I can tell in comparing the two, the only changes made were the names (“Sunny” was originally “Morgana”;“Cassidy” was “Colonel Chompers”; and “Isabelle” was, of course, “Ellen”). Also, the PS is different (and, naturally, not as funny as the original).
If trying to pass this piece off as her own was Isabelle’s clever way to skirt the rule about not posting copyrighted material, then… I don’t know what to say. I’m just appalled.
Some have suggested that professional help might be in order. I’m ashamed to say I’m not nearly as sympathetic as that. There’s right and wrong, and I have little tolerance for people who think the rules don’t apply to them.
I’m going to be quiet now. I’ll probably regret having said anything at all, but this whole thread has made me uncharacteristically angry. But maybe that’s my problem.
