Help me cheer my sister up

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

My little sister (age 13) has hit a rough patch with her friends and it’s really getting to her.
My sister (We’ll call her Maggie) has been fairly popular throughout school. She’s got a best friend (Caity). They’ve been inseparable since they were four.

Well, lately, there’s been some drama. For one thing, their school’s sports teams have fallen apart so Maggie and Caity ended up on different teams. They both have separate groups of friends now, which I think has contributed to it. They’ve gotten competitive about who has MORE friends. but they still have a lot of friends in common.
Anyway. Another girl (Abby) had a party. My sister had friends with a girl (Missy) who was attending the party. My mom, with Maggie, went over to Abby’s house to collect Missy and there was a whole party going on. A mother of one of the kids runs up to my mom and casually tells her that Abby didn’t invite Maggie on purpose becuase Caity told her not to.

Apparently nobody told my sister right off the bat. My mom told me and asked what I thought she should do. She said Maggie was taking it pretty well (I guess she didn’t realize that Maggie, at that point, had no idea.) I said not to worry- Maggie’s a smart girl and will be okay.
But today, Missy called and said “don’t tell anyone I told, but you weren’t invited to Abby’s party becuase caity told her not to invite you.” and Maggie came to me in tears.
As far as I can tell, this is unprovoked. I realize I’m only getting one side of it, but Mags didn’t seem to realize there was a problem until Missy called. She was going to go on vacation with Caity’s family, she has Caity listed under MaH GuRlZ on her AIM profile, she was talking fondly about Caity’s dog this morning, etc.
I bought her a coke and some gummy bears and we watched Law and Order, which cheered her up a bit (I think that may be the first time in history that Law and Order cheered anyone up.) and I told her that Caity’s just jealous becuase she’s smarter and prettier and if she acts like this through high school, she won’t keep many friends and it makes no sense to act like she’s better than her friends and then prove how low she can be.
But what can I do for her now? Just leave her to work it out on her own? Just provide sympathetic, non-judgemental big sister ears? I’d love to go after the girl and ream her for doing that to my sister and then the other girl for not standing up and saying, “that’s stupid. This is my party and I’ll invite whomever I like. And if you won’t come because Maggie’s there, then I’d rather have someone like Maggie there than someone like you.” but I know I can’t fix it for her and trying to would probably make it worse. But what CAN I do? what can I say to help her?

#2

Poor Megan, girls can be really horrible to each other at that age.

My best friend did this to me (although she had less of an excuse as she was 18!) - when we hit university she dropped me like a stone - later on she explained to me in a half-hearted apologu that it was because she hadn’t liked who she was at school, and wanted to re-invent herself. So I would guess that this situation says far more about Caity than it does about your sister.

Not a lot of advice to give other than it sounds like you are doing what you can to keep her self esteem up by reminding her that she’s still loved and has a lot going for her. I took it pretty hard when this happened to me, so just keep an eye on her. Chances are though that they’ll sort it out sooner or later once they grow out of that nasty 12-13yr old stage.

#3

You just have to be there for her. I don’t think that there’s anything you can say that won’t make it worse. In my opinion, you should just act like it never happened. Continue to listen and provide comfort, but don’t remark or cast judgement. My thirteen-year-old self would have wanted it that way, at least. Harping on the injustice would only act as a reminder of my humiliation.

You seem like a awesome person, BTW. Your sister is lucky to have you.

#4

I agree with ‘just be there’. Although you might throw in a casual comment or two, when appropriate, about how this is the way things go sometimes, and it really has nothing to do with Maggie. People change, and sometimes they do silly things, even mean things, without really thinking about it.

You might want to keep an eye out, if you can, to see if there really is anything that Maggie did, or does, that contributed to this. Not saying she did anything wrong, but if there’s an issue with something she does that friends might not like, then there might be a way to make a subtle suggestion about it. (My guess is this is just one of those lovely rites of growing up that she’ll learn from and move on. It’s such a wonderful age.) :dubious:

#5

There is a lot ofi information out there these days on Jr. High Girl Bullying and your sister could benefit from reading up on it. It’s a problem that most of them will grow out of, but it’s very real, very subtle, and very painful for the recipient. As much as it hurts, she can cultivate new friends, be aware of what’s going on, and rise above it. I think it’s very easy to get caught up in the cycle, but these kids need to understand how harmful it can be.

Maybe a counselor at school can hold a seminar on this subject so they can all see what they’re getting caught up in. No one wants to grow up with the knowledge that they were “that kid” and live with all the regrets that go with it.

#6

Poor girl, I went through stuff like that when I was her age. The one thing that came to mind was shopping! Take her to the mall and buy her some cute new clothes, to make her feel pretty and boost her self-esteem. Make a day of it, go to lunch and maybe even a movie afterwards. Report back and let us know how she is doing.

#7

That’s the worst. I’ve had shit like that happen to me before. It sucks. Girls who are just hitting puberty are the cruelest.

I’m with what everyone else said - keep an eye on the situation, make sure she knows she can come cry to you, and maybe take her out (if you have the money) for a day with just the two of you. Maybe get a manicure or something.

She’s lucky to have you - I’d have given anything to have an older, wiser sibling to lean on through those years. Unfortunately, I was the oldest, and I don’t think I did so well for my little sister.

~Tasha

#8

A-men. There is no crueler creature on this earth than a young adolescent girl.

I second the “just be there”. Remind her that this too, will pass. She may not believe it, but it will. Take her shopping, and try to keep her distracted and busy.

You’re a good sister.

#9

Ohhh middle school. Good times. I second the “Spend time with her and be there” advice. Don’t get involved in her business because it’ll just make things messy for both of you. You’re an awesome big sister, you know that?