I know exactly how you feel, well kindof…I dated a man for almost 6 years and he dumped me when he finally realized he never wanted to marry me. He was my all.
My best friend, soul mate, the works…but it is over. He told me that he had almost purchased a ring when he decided he did not love me enough.
It took several months for me to start feeling okay ( and a little Lexapro ) but I started playing tennis and got involved with some new people. I blocked him from my email so I did not have to get any more forwards from him and spend hours analyzing any NEW GIRL on the list he forwarded to. I also changed my cell (even though he has not tried to call) I feel good knowing that he cant even if he wants to. I feel in control.
It was for the best, and even though it still hurts badly at times, it has improved with time.
Do what you have to do to make sure it is clear and over in your mind, give yourself some wallow time, then work on the future.
I found out that my ex had no problem moving on quickly, which tells me, he did not love me the way that I loved him, and I will either find someone worthy of me or just work on myself and enjoy life in the meantime!
Hang in there and feel free to talk here, it really helped me.
No advice here… just lots of hugs and an opportunity to keep it from happening to another couple. Please help a girl (me) out who is in the same situation you have described your girlfriend as having been in. How can I keep from losing the dream of a future together?
If I were you, I would get in my car and drive over to her house RIGHT NOW. An email just ain’t gunna cut it. Take a giant bouquet of flowers with you and beg, BEG her forgiveness. You also must have a ring in hand for your marriage proposal, because that’s the only way she’s going to believe you now.
You should do this because a relationship like you described is so very hard to find and worth fighting for.
I should have committed earlier (or at least indicated I was going to) but aside from that I have done very little wrong in this relationship, so I can’t really beg for any forgiveness. I think I just have to give her the space she asks for and suck it up if it doesn’t work out.
The thing messing it up is that we’d been living in different countries for the last 8 months (before, she lived in the UK for a year and then I lived in Canada with her for a year and all was perfect), but now the next step is such a huge one (one of us moving for good) that I think she is freaking out and focusing on all the things that can go wrong. It would be hard for me to find work in my current field in her small town, and I never really told her I wanted to be there because I kinda hoped we’d spend a year in Europe first. Now she probably thinks I’m just saying it or that I haven’t thought it through.
Said she needed time apart to think it through and that if it was meant to be it would be. Of course, that just messes with my head.
She knows how I feel and she has seen the ring. I guess I will try to move on as best I can, and she has until my heart has eventually healed to get her head straight and figure out if I’m worth the chance.
Obviously, I am but I can’t make her see that. I think I have to let her think it through, make her own decisions, and stop being such a wuss. We’ll always be great friends, I’m sure.
I know I have a huge amount to offer the right person - just have to face up to the fact that it might be someone new.
[[[[ TygerDralion ]]]] - Individual relationships are always so complicated and unique. My only advice would be to make sure you talk everything through and that both people exactly know each other’s feelings and intentions. In my situation, I just wish I had told her that although I wasn’t sure about where I’d ideally wanted to be, I was so sure it was together with her. I glossed over things when she tried to discuss it because it was easier.
I’m not a believer in most self help books, but several years ago I discovered one that put relationships into perspective. It’s probably available at the library. Here’s a web site with a condensation of what’s in the book:
I’ve found that the opposite of love is often indifference. Be very cautious of getting into another relationship until you, completely, put this behind you. I too know the pain, but the advice to get involved in other interests is good, especially physically demanding activities.
but I can’t make her see that. I think I have to let her think it through, make her own decisions, and stop being such a wuss. We’ll always be great friends, I’m sure.