Speaking as one who is presently undergoing a breakup, I am interested to see how others mend their shattered hearts. When love has slipped between your fingers, what do you do to cope?
First week, forget coping. Just relax and enjoy the freedom of eating pizza everyday, playing videogames in your underwear, going out and not having to report to anyone. Assuming you are a guy, of course.
I had a number of unstable relationships when I was younger. The one thing that was most helpful in recovering my emotional well-being was poetry. I wrote a lot of it, and I read a lot of it.
Went skiing with my best friend… didn’t think of anything but the snow in front of my skis for 5 days. Bliss.
Give yourself a good private cry - and then do what Sapo said.
I mourn through the overconsumption of sushi.
I hit the gym and zone out on the treadmill until the pain in my legs is equal to or greater than the ache in my heart (which has only rarely been a cardio-induced heart attack).
That said, I think I like anu-la1979’s answer better.
From someone that just left a four year relationship… I did spend a few nights “mourning” the good and happy times… but then I made a list of things that I wanted to do that he never allowed me to. The more I checked things of my list, the more alive I felt and still continue to feel…
Give it time. I didn’t believe the, “Time heals all wounds” bullshit, but it actually does.
I’ve only gone through one breakup and I was actually somewhat relieved when she dumped me since I’d been considering breaking up with her myself but I was a little angry that she did it for my best friend and that I had to find out from someone else that something was remiss. I got over it in a couple days and minus a little passive-aggressive sniping on both our parts over the next couple weeks, I just enjoyed my newfound freedom.
That said, there *was *a friend and lover that ended things with me not too long ago and it hit me harder than my girlfriend dumping me did. With her, I’ve just focused on all the positives from our past and given her the space that she asked for while waiting to see where things take us from here.
I’m going through one now (again). All I’m doing is just…being. That’s the best I can do.
It does get better, eventually. It’s the waiting it out that sucks.
My girlfriend of 4 years (the relationship that is…)is moving out just before Christmas. I am coping via booze and denial so far. But intend to go for all out depression in the New Year, when the loneliness *really * kicks in.
I indulge in sappy music and bad food for a few days, then hang out with friends and do crazy stuff. One thing I learned not to do was to get too drunk, because that just enhances my self-pity and then I end up crying. Not good.
I’ve only ever had one serious breakup though. The rest were breakups that I saw coming a mile away, so I had time to get used to the idea before it actually happened.
http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001097.html
I convince myself that I’m so much better off (usually right) and that he’s going to be so miserable without me that he’ll eventually kill himself in some wholly dramatic way (usually wrong). And then I get over it because, really, I have better things to do.
Staying busy definitely helps. Call your friends and family and go out and do stuff if you can afford it. I started a weekly going out to the movies night with my friends. I would rotate through my friends. I would go out with one friend one week and another the next and so on. That way I wasn’t putting a burden on just one friend making them spend money every week.
Also I made a list of stuff I wanted but we couldn’t afford when we were married. A new guitar, a new TV that wasn’t a hand me down and was newer than 1980, an Xbox and games, a surround sound system, a video camera and some traveling and some other stuff. It took me a couple of years to get all that stuff but checking the stuff off the list and having goals to eventually get the other stuff was rewarding. My thinking was if I could just make it through the next couple of months of not killing myself then I would have enough money to get myself that shiny new guitar.
It’s been five years since my divorce and I still miss the good times now and then but 95% of the time I am happy being single and just doing my own thing.
I got dumped last year just before what was supposed to be my engagement. It was really hard. I did not cope so well. We had been together for a couple of years and it took me months to really get back to normal.
Lexapro and Ambien were involved. Not that I reccomend that zombie state…but I think I needed to be catatonic for a week or two. After that I weened off the stuff and just dealt with it each day. I cried a lot but it got better eventually.
That pesky time does help in the end.
I go and get completely trashed at least once. I’m not advocating alcohol (or any other drug, prescription or illegal) as a long term solution, but for me at least, intoxication provides a wonderful catharsis. After that, I can be more comfortable in my own head, and can grieve more productively.
I found that a good way to get whatever pain, anger, or longing you’re feeling off your chest is to write your ex a letter, but don’t send it. Make a list of all the things that annoyed you about your ex and refer to it every time you feel like calling.
I think a few days of wallowing in misery are always needed. After that, try to stay busy.
One thing I did after a particularly bad breakup was to get a cat. It was something I always wanted to do. Pets can be amazingly empathetic, and the companionship is nice.
In the past, I’ve made a big change - one breakup I painted the bedroom and purchased all new bedding - another breakup I died my hair and cut it - and I get drunk.
Well let’s see. So far I have…
(1) gotten completely and totally hammered on the night the ex had the kids
(2) cut off all my hair and dyed it black
(3) lost 20 pounds because sometimes I just don’t eat so the pain in my stomach will overpower the pain in my chest
(4) spent enough days in a panicked, heart beating out of my chest, nauseated tense phase that by the time night rolls around I am exhausted for no reason and just want to sleep
(5) come up with elaborate plans to extract revenge - and no, I’m not really going to do it
(6) mentally gone over every time I think he was lying to me about where he was when he was with her (or her, or her, or another) and analyzed tone of voice and intent
(7) done #6 picturing outcomes where I get to be happy with a faithful husband
(8) waffled and borderline obsessed over contacting one affair just to let her know where he is because he treated her so badly I thought she might somehow get him back for me
(9) considered letting it slip to mutual friends in his he-man macho biker world about the time he came out to me and all our friends and how (I recently found out) he confided in another of our friends that while he was on the road he was, and I quote, ‘hooking up with all kinds of cute guys’ while I was married to him
(10) found a way to work my heartbreak into any and all discussion on a public message board… 
Seriously - it does get better no matter how devastating. I apologized to a couple of my friends about how I was such a mess and they had to keep me going and one said that nothing was going to heal me except time but friends are there to cushion the in-between. Eventually you do get to that place where you can breathe without it hurting and you see a light at the end of the tunnel and you feel immense relief. Until then, surround yourself with friends. I’m about a month out and it’s starting to get better. Hey, I ate today without vomiting. That’s something.
- get some coffee and cry with a friend
- write out everything he ever did to piss me off and why I’m better off. It’s really cleansing.
- look fabulous: get a haircut, a new outfit, go to the gym, or go out with friends. Flirt. Or all of the above.
3a) focus on other aspects of myself that have potentially been neglected during the relationship: career, interesting books, new hobbies - never talk to them again. They’re often not worth your time once you get out of their clutches and can think clearly again.
- after a while, find someone who is worth my time.
It’s worked for me.