First, have a HUGE boo-hoo. Pull out the photo albums, the letters, cards, memorabilia etc. Pour over these while playing “your song” and other melancholy hits. Go over each item as you put 'em in a box that closes the chapter. Put this box in a not-so-easily accessible place.
Next, tell everyone you know that you’re single. Why? It’s best to get this out of the way now instead of having to bring it up over and over later.
Third, get laid. Cleanse the sexual pallate, as it were, with someone else.
Fourth, self-improvement. Think about all the reasons that you might have been to blame for the break-up. Too clingy? Out of shape? Lack of interests/hobbies? Whatever it was, work on those. HARD. Work on these that with the (evil) intention that if you run into your ex a year down the road, that they’ll think “damn, I let that go!”.
Five, travel. Go somewhere alone or with friends. Somewhere that you didn’t go with your ex obviously. A little distance physically helps a lot. If you can go a place where you can do volunteer work for those less fortunate, all the better. It’ll make your issues seem less significant.
Not surprising for a man named after a Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds song (if I’m not mistaken). I happen to be listening to a lot of him lately, as a matter of fact.
You are not mistaken (though I do like the Lloyd Price version too…). I associate different Cave albums with different failed relationships actually, redoubling the heartbreak. Foi Na Cruz is a great weeping song.
I broke up with my girlfriend last night. We’d been together a little over a year. Believe it or not, this is the first time I have actually done the dumping. Somehow I thought that would mean it wouldn’t hurt quite so much.
I hate that I broke up with her. I hate that I’m not going to see her again. I hate the idea of being single again. I hate the thought of not doing all the holiday things we had planned together. Right now, I definitely have that feeling of my chest aching and feeling really out-of-sorts.
I know that breaking up with her was the right thing to do. I was not getting out of this relationship what I was putting into it. I was not getting what I feel I deserve from someone I care about. It still f-cking hurts.
I also know that this to shall pass. I’ve been hurt worse and lived and I will survive this one to.
Well, having just gone through this myself, I’ll give you a list of some lessons I’ve learned:
Don’t spend excessive amounts of time alone. In fact, spend as much time with people you know and trust as possible. And let them comfort you.
Don’t spend excessive amounts sleeping or otherwise being sedentary. Do whatever you can to keep yourself as busy as you usually are, otherwise it will contribute to a downward spiral into depression.
Especially in the first week, don’t spend a lot of time thinking about things you could have done better, shouldn’t have done, etc. A broken heart is like a broken bone, just let it heal for a while THEN try to rehab and strengthen it.
I don’t know how nasty your break-up was, but the nastier it is, the more you should let things cool down with her before you try anything. Emotions will run high and a lot of things can easily be said and done that you would both regret.
Avoid drinking, or drugs if you do them. Not only does it just plain not help, but it can, again, lead to self-loathing and making poor decisions.
It’s easy to stop doing things you enjoy. If you’re passionate about anything, like music or poetry or the arts… keep doing them.
You can’t make the pain or the loneliness go away… certainly not in the first week. But you can cope, for the most part.