Gee, it’s gotten kinda busy here. I’ve been on vacation so clearly this thread made it to threadspotting. Good. After all, that’s the only reason why I started it.
(Hang on… I looked it up in the archives: And so it came to pass that he went shopping . . . (Submitted by Martjin Warnas)
Martjin.
I made it to the frontpage of this site with a friggin’ TYPO in my name.
Oh, well. Whatever.
Also, I have a vague, nagging feeling that the three appendices to my first post may have inadvertantly communicated the impression that I’m a prick. I would like to rectify this. I am, in fact, a prick, but I do not generally behave as one. So there.
If anyone still follows this post: I’d like it to take a more Tolkienesque turn now, if possible. I’d give you all a for instance, but like I said: just got back from vacation. I have towels to wash and dead goldfish to dispose of.
(And all this without a spellingchecker… I’m gonna find a whopper as soon as I’ve pressed ‘submit’, I just know it.)
Market researcher:Do you wash in tide? homeowner:Of course I wash in tide Market researcher:Why do you wash in tide? Homeowner: *Because it’s to bloody cold out tide! *
Noah, thou shalt build a shopping cart 40 cubits long. In it you shall gather two of every food in the store, save for the unicorn crunchies and Pop Rocks…
Wandering through the desolate wasteland of the grocery store for forty years, they fed upon tater tots, fruit roll-ups, and Pez. Finally, when Moses came upon the Burning Rotisserie Chicken, God spake to him. “MOSES! YOUR DIETARY HABITS MAKE ME SAD. YOU SHALL NOT EAT OF THE TOTS OF TATER! NOR SHALT THOU FEAST UPON THE ROLL-UPS OF FRUIT!” Later, Moses climbed the mountainous display of toilet tissue at the end of aisle five so as to speak to the Lord. When he came down from the mountain of toilet paper, he carried two cardboard pizza boxes with hastily scribbled Commandments upon them. He looked upon his people and saw that they now worshipped a calf which they had fashioned out of school supplies, feminine hygeine products, and alumnium foil. Moses flung down the pizza boxes and lunged at the calf, throwing it upon the shelves of fruit drinks. A boomin voice from the heavens called-out, “CLEAN-UP IN AISLE SEVEN! WE HAVE A CLEAN-UP IN AISLE SEVEN!”
Thou shalt go into the aisle of dental care, yea, thou shalt purchase toothpaste and toothbrush. Two by two they shall be placed into thy cart, and the number each member of thine household shall have is two. Thou shalt not neglect thy slaves or thy concubines, for you were once neglected in Egypt. Thou shalt buy brush and paste for all members of thine household.
If any are found among you with kitten breath, they are an evildoer. They shall be cut off.
