My beloved hubby was diagnosed with high cholesterol and has a family history of heart disease. Doc put him on lipitor after changing our at-home diet didn’t help. We are eating more veggies and whole grains and less meat, fat, and processed foods here, which is great for both of us.
When he is out of the house, he eats like crap. He says it’s occasional, but my guess is McDonalds, pizza, bar food 3 to 4 times a week. I’ll have fast food maybe once a week but tend toward grilled chicken and 10 fries or a baked potato.
He says he wants to do better and not be on drugs and I believe him, but he has NO concept of nutrition. It’s all black and white with him, so he equates one glass of wine with one bacon cheeseburger. He also doesn’t have one slice of pizza, he has a lot. I think both a little and a lot of pizza are the same in his mind, so why have a little? When you are on a cholesterol lowering diet, that doesn’t work.
We’ve been together way too long for him to hear me. I’m being ridiculous and a nag.
I need your advice how to help, beyond cooking well at home, suggesting he read more, and reminding him that not everything he can choose for lunch is equivalent. I also need him to read your comments. Please help me convince him to make good choices, and for the right reasons.
For me, diet was a small factor in lowering my cholesterol. I needed to lose weight. I believe that will have a bigger impact on lowering cholesterol than any specific dietary changes.
I lost weight by reducing portion sizes, making some basic diet changes (substituting lots of veggies for meat/protein), and increasing my exercise.
Let me clarify my fast food comment- when I go out, I get something small and light and usually don’t finish it. When he goes out, it’s bacon cheeseburgers, fried chicken, etc., and he equates my infrequent light meals with his more frequent heavier ones, so how dare I “judge” him?
I would like for him to exercise more, but it’s been difficult to find time and I honestly don’t expect much change in that regard.
What are the reasons why he (and you) are eating fast food at all? If it’s just because of convenience, you need to find a way to make eating healthy just as convenient. Two options are finding a better quality place to get a takeout meal, or packing your own meals to go.
If it’s solely because of taste/enjoying the food, then you need to set hard limits on the frequency of those treats. Eating fast food needs to be “this is a special occasion, and I know that this is a day I have planned to allow a less healthy meal,” not just “I’m hungry and fast food sounds good.” Probably the best route to take would be no fast food at all for a while, and then add it back in when his cholesterol is under better control.
He asked me, "How would you like to go to the hospital every other day and spend several hours hooked up to a dialysis machine? What impact would that have on your lifestyle?
That may be a kind of “bottom line question” you may ask him. There are some other things you may ask him listed in that post.
But, the real bottom line is that he will not do squat until he wants to. No one can force him to make the changes he needs to make. I bet you know that has to come from him.
But, please read about my journey and see if anything there may be of help to you?
I hope so.
Best of luck and best wishes to you!
You are not alone. AAMOF, it seems like before too long most of this country will be in the same boat. I sure do hope we don’t have to start bailing!
It’s clearly not just nutritional cluelessness. He doesn’t want to improve his health in any real way. He might want to be healthy like I want a Ph.D - it would be nice if it magically happened, but I’m not going to spend time actually trying. In my experience, there’s nothing you can do until he changes that attitude. While he’s at it, he might want to change the attitude that any comment implying he’s not doing something perfectly is judgement. Some people have set up amazingly strong mental defences against any kind of criticism, whether it’s internal or external, and it’s extremely hard to breach them because they allow the person to even deny those defences exist. “I can’t stop being so defensive because I’m not defensive. Anyway, what about that time when you got defensive last year?”
In re-reading your posts, it sounds like hubby has really got his heels dug in and getting him to make any changes may be somewhere between difficult and impossible and “no freaking way”.
If that sounds like the truth, best to make sure he is fully insured. You want him to have full life insurance, health insurance and all the children (if any) should have their college funds fully insured.
I don’t sell insurance. I’m not out to make a fast buck from you. But if he is not going to change anything about his lifestyle, I think you best make sure he is fully insured and extra insured if possible.
If he is not wiling to change anything, the future looks most unhealthy. Know what I mean?
I sure do hope I have not offended you. I’m not trying to insult you. I’m just answering you as if you were a relative so that at least you remain financially protected.
I’m not offended (by you), I completely agree. I’m offended by him. I think the worst part, without getting emotional about it, is believing he would rather stick to his own plan than give a shit about me potentially living without the love of my life the next 40 years.
I gave up fast food for several months earlier this year and it wasn’t too hard. I’m not sure his reasoning; maybe he will chime in here and advise.
Making changes is very hard. Start by getting him to agree to small things and then build from there. Maybe this month ditching soft drinks. Next month adding a 20 minute walk with you 3x a week. January no burgers, but other junk is OK. Feb cut back on the cheese and eggs, etc. Take small steps one at a time. If you try to make big changes all at once, you’re not likely to succeed. Change is really hard, even when we know its best for us.
The only way for a person to be sure what they’re eating is to write it down with quantities. There are websites and programs and aps that can make tracking easier, some of the phone aps will read barcodes. But keeping track is the only way to be sure that you’re not kidding yourself. It’s also the one activity most often associated with successful dieting.
It’s a pain, but there it is. If you can get him to use a program, then the program can tell him that he just ate triple the amount of cholesterol that a healthy person should eat in a day and he can look back to see which foods and which quantities contributed the most to that quantity of cholesterol. Most of the programs will give you daily totals for total calories, carbs, protein, fats, trans fats, cholesterol, fiber, sodium, and other vitamins and minerals. Some will also graph trends in the nutrition components.
If you can convince him to do this, then the program will be telling him that he’s not eating right, not you. I’d suggest that you use the program, too, so that it doesn’t look like you’re suggesting that you can plan your meals properly but he can’t. Also, when he says that you’re eating the same thing, you can pull up your report and show that it’s not the same at all, and where it’s different.
Emphasis mine. This is sage advice. We tend to disregard what a loved-one says, but if it comes from a neutral party, then it seems to carry more weight (no pun intended).
