I had a good one back in the days of Windows 3.1. I’m not sure how you’d do it with later versions.
Put the command “WIN” as the last line of her autoexec.bat. Put Word in her startup group (or better yet in her win.ini run= line.) Write a word macro called “autoexec” with one command – ExitWindows().
Tee hee!
Cool.
[sub]pad pad pad[/sub]
Yeah, maybe you should pour it into the actual a/c vents near the windshield. 
Shove her down a flight of stairs. When she hits the first landing, stomp on her throat. Immediatly start screaming, “No! Stop it! You’re hurting me!”. When help arrives, explain how she assulted her and you defended yourself. At best, its her word against yours.
Not your cup of tea? Well, then stock up on her business cards and company letterhead before you leave…
I guess I was just wondering after the fifth “don’t do this, you could get arrested” if it was even worth posting. IIRC Tdn is a good guy so I know he didn’t mean anything by it.
Looks like it. I’m usually better after lunch, speaking of which…
BRB
This makes me wonder what sorts of fun things one could reasonably call “wiper fluid.”
Variations on a Theme…
Go to your local Adult bookstore establishment, and take out the reply cards from as many dirty magazines as you can. Fill out with her name and the work address, and check the “bill me.” Even if they say to include money, still send the card. She’ll start getting the magazines or invoices at the office.
You can do this with other magazines too, but I like the dirty ones since they will make the HR department have a heart attack,
I like the $5 donation idea too.
Check out this book. One harmless but mind-focking things I remember from it is putting nuts & bolts in her hubcaps. They make a racket and will make her think there’s something wrong with her car, but is mostly harmless.
I highly recommend you follow the old adage “Revenge is best served cold.” if you plan to execute some of the ideas posted in this thread, you do not want them traced back to you.
Variations on a Theme…
Go to your local Adult bookstore establishment, and take out the reply cards from as many dirty magazines as you can. Fill out with her name and the work address, and check the “bill me.” Even if they say to include money, still send the card. She’ll start getting the magazines or invoices at the office.
You can do this with other magazines too, but I like the dirty ones since they will make the HR department have a heart attack,
I like the $5 donation idea too.
I just want to know what happens after all is said and done.
Be sure to keep us informed.
If you can get one or more pictures of her…
Set up a free webmail address (don’t enter your real name, obviously) and use it to join match.com. Post her picture and compose an embarassing profile. Make it embarrassing, but don’t go over the top!!! Believability is your utmost priority.
After a while, have a trusted “agent” at work share what they “discovered” on match.com. The secret will slowly roll through the office – most likely unbenownst to EC.
And if she happens to already be married… well, that may influence the tone and manner of the profile.
And if you are really feeling evil, after a few months, you can “update” the account with her “new” e-mail address (her actual address) so she can “get in on the joke.”
Damn. I knew there was a downside.
I mean, heck. If you’re going to perform a felony, why don’t you just put a cap in her ass?
Kinda time consuming, but funny.
We had a girl we didn’t like in the office at one point. We have a cover letter sheet that sits by our fax machine that everyone uses when they send something out. Well, we re-created the thing in Word, and at the bottom in 2 pt font we put “Sally Licks Gigantic Llama Balls.” It was so small you had to use a magnifying glass to read it and to the people that recieved the faxes it just looked like a smudge unless they looked closer. It was nice to know that more and more people might be finding out exactly what Sally did with her free time.
Email me a pic of her.
I’ll Photoshop a nice fat boogie or her whole finger up her nose and email it back to you.
Print it out and post it on the company bulletin board on your way out.
Or email to everyone but her so she gets odd looks from everyone else.
“Love is caring. Hate is caring. Caring is caring. If you wish not to care, you must not care.”
Wow. And I thought I had revenge fantasies!
I don’t know where she parks her car in the 14-story garage, so any car fantasies are out, alas.
I don’t want to do anything nasty to her computer because that would come back to haunt our IT guy, who is one of the few people I really do NOT want to cause problems for because he’s been a good friend. (Which also lets out going in to where the whole network switch is sitting out in the open in a copy room and, wearing gloves, of course, just playing 52-pick-up with the plugs…)
Something stinky is always nice, but the amount of perfume stench filling her area is so strong that I doubt it would do much good. Although I suppose I could pick up a nice, steaming pile left by one of my two large dogs and mail it to her. A tempting thought.
Complaining over OA’s head will do ZERO good. Millionaire owners (who directly hired her to be their hatchet man) were bragging this week about the new Rembrandt they just purchased. Need I mention that they love, love, LOVE her because she maximizes their $$$ (at the expense of us peon staff, of course)? And this being a partnership, not a corporation, basically it means we’re all screwed.
No, I’m just busy assuring everyone that it’s just SO easy to go out and find a better-paying job. Last I heard, three more coworkers are busy looking as of this week. Pretty soon the whole staff is going to flee. I hope.
So, to the folks who suggested i just take the high road: You’re probably right. Alas. I suspect that’s the way I’ll end up handling it. Especially since she asked a coworker why I was leaving yesterday, and coworker, bless her little heart, replied, “Because she found a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits.” Hee!
Of course, today I have it in for OA, too. Papa Tiger called me about 30 seconds after I got to work today to tell me he’d just received a layoff notice. Granted, we’d been fearing it would happen, but you’re never really prepared, you know? So I go in to OA’s office, visibly upset (in tears, actually), and tell her I need to go home to see Papa Tiger, and what’s her reaction? Does she say, “I’m sorry”? Does she say, “That’s a shame”? Does she display ANY human feeling at all? No, the sick bitch looks at me challengingly and says in a highly accusing voice, “Well, you KNEW this was going to happen, didn’t you?”
Fuck.
Never get “revenge”. Almost everything recommened along those lines is illegal, (and think how happy she’d be watching you led out in handcuffs) and those that aren’t are immoral and will hurt your Karma.
Don’t. Do. It. No illegal & petty revenge.
You can write a letter stating the facts, and send to the relevant PTB. It may not do any good, but it won’t do any harm- and if you stick with the truth- “I think you might like to know why the turnover here is so high…”
You can sue her ass for harrassment. In fact, i heartily recommend that. The perfume bit was illegal workplace harrassment.
You get the best revenge by living well. Or if not, by letting her THINK you’re doing extremely well. That’s OK. Rent a REAL nice car, or borrow one for a test drive- go to the office and show it off as your “hiring bonus”. Have “your new bosses sectretary” call the Bitch and casually mention you’re now earning 2x what you were. Ect.
I will see this and raise you with this quote:
All that is required for evil to triumph is for the good to stand by and do nothing.
Seems to me that’s what you’re advocating.
As for what the good might do, it’s obvious the ultimate source of your probem are the Rich Owners who obvioiusly don’t give a shit about the peons who make their Rembrandt purchases possible.
How sure are you that they are handling their taxes well? A quiet talk with the company accountant (if he or she is someone you can trust) could be very illuminating. Many small biz people cheat on their taxes because it is very easy and very profitable. And with our present tax code, it’s very hard to do all your taxes right if you run a small biz. All small biz people hate being audited.
As a disgruntled ex worker you’re an obvious suspect, so be sure and let some time pass before you drop the dime on them (if there is a dime to be dropped). Be sure and keep it anonymous – use a payphone well away from your home or biz and keep it brief.
Have some fun before you leave.
Pick your nose and when you get the biggest, slimiest, booger that you can, slip into her office and deposit same on the edge of her mouse where she won’t see it but when she grabs the mouse…
Get a can of sardines. Deposit them in her office where they will not be reachable- inside a heat register, behind a shelf. If you can partially dismantle the cubicle walls, putting them inside the walls would be great.