What do I do? lno arrived a couple of hours ago, very tired. He’s now sprawled out on my couch, half asleep.
I’m not well-versed in the care and feeding of straight men. Any advice? I’m at a loss here.
Well, THEY say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. [sub]whoever THEY are, which has never been explained to my satisfaction[/sub] So, you might just feed him vast amounts of gourmet food, you think?
Backrub. Trust me.
turn him away from the dark side …
Hastur’s right - backrub.
You guys are way off.
Switch the TV to some sporting event on TSN, hand him a bowl of pretzels, and don’t chatter, not even during the comercials as those can be as, if not more, interesting as late night sports TV programming.
Occasionally, you can mutter a few syllables, like “beer?”, “grrnt” or “ufff”, the latter, only when someone gets hit hard in said sporting event, or you’re getting up to fetch more of the former.
Even after the sporting event is over, do not change the channel, but watch the post game show and wait for the cycle to begin once more. repeat until unconsiousness ensues.
That’s because NONE of us is very good at the care and feeding of straight boys…
Well, a bunny pissing on him isn’t a good start. :eek:
Bunny’s been moved to the balcony. Probably a good thing, since Elenfair is bringing a service dog.
The balcony is now off-limits. Bunny can’t jump off, since it’s concrete, but still. Not a good way to welcome a Doper. 
Having had the care and feeding of one straight male for about 15 years now, I feel I can offer some expertise here. Get a pillow, prop it under his head, offer a beer and some food, turn the TV on and hand him the remote. If he should start to snore, say, “awwwwwww,” give him a little smooch on the forehead and pull the blankies up under his chin.
Erotic dance routines are optional, but my straight guy seems to like them. YMMV.
New & Improved Scott has it nailed! Now, if you can just pick up the sports channel that’s showin’ Anna Kornikova playin’ tennis, things will be prefect. 
scott evil I often find a straight guy asleep on my couch, I like to refer to him as “that giant snoring lump of a human being” other’s refer to him as my husband.
Care instructions as follows
Make sure you have large amounts of the following available for when your sleep straight guy awakens:
- Food (generally a meat product)
- Beverage (beer is their prefered liquid)
- Toilet Paper
Place the remote control near the sleeping straight guy that way when he awakens he will feel less disoriented due to the closeness of a familiar item.
Do not expect meaningful communication for at least 1 hour post wake-up. Make that 2 hours if there is a shortage of caffinated beverages readily available.
Re: backrub suggestion:
I find this a useful tool to initiate nookie, thus if you are game I would endorse the suggestion.
Disclaimer: the above are suggestions only, no rights or responsibilty or blame can be allocated to the writer if the above somehow fail, are incorrect or backfire.
He’s just had Bunny piss on him. Poor guy. I moved Bunny onto the balcony with her hutch and litterbox.
Some bloody hostess am I…
You’ve offered your hospitality, and I highly doubt lno or any Doper would find your hospitality lacking over a matter a minor as a little rabbit pee. Bunny piss ain’t no big thing, honey. You need to relax a little. (And make sure the bunny doesn’t get a draft.)
If he is still asleep then don’t worry, simply slip off his clothing and pop it in the wash. Then while he is in the land of nod give him a quick sponge bath
No, he woke up and told me. So I promptly cleaned up, he changed shirts, and Bunny was relegated to the balcony. I’ve been checking Bunny every half hour or so, and she seems fine there.
In any case, this will make things easier this weekend.
Bunny is doing OK on the balcony. It’s not cold, but even if it were, she’s very furry, and would be able to adapt.
It’s one less thing I have to think about this busy weekend. I didn’t want Bunny crapping in people’s bags, or losing her training (like she did when she jumped onto the couch and pissed on lno).
Anyway, forget Bunny. I’ve taken care of her. Now let’s have some Doperéal fun!
Naughty bunny!
Bring him over to see me is what you should do!
(deja-vu much…)
He’s still on my couch! He stretches every now and again. He claims to be half-awake, but the veracity of that is debatable. Then again, I’m a bit of a zombie right now. Anna Nicole moment.
We have to go pick up Elenfair in a bit. Scramble to get ready. Why am I on the boards? My fiancée died two seconds ago.
Question is, will he move from the couch or is he permanently grafted to it? We might need a blowtorch.
Blowtorch? Jaws of life, maybe.
Scott,
Re: Dopereal
Excited, much?